Often misunderstood as giving up or being a doormat.
No,
No,
No.
Surrendering is really a fierce act of self-care,
Which absolutely builds hardcore resilience.
And I want to share three things that are not easy,
But that are really helpful as we begin to practice surrender.
The first one is letting go of perfectionism.
There's one recovering perfectionist,
At least in the room.
And I know that when I'm being perfectionist,
I'm highly stressed and I'm wanting or needing to control the outcome of something.
So I push,
Push,
Push.
I beat myself up.
I'd be really cross when it turns out I'm not actually perfect.
A lot of pressure.
So one whole area of building resilience through surrendering is letting go of perfectionism.
Nice and gently,
With great compassion,
This practice can be done.
The second one is embracing uncertainty.
This is around recognizing what I can control.
And what is outside of my control?
Hard work to begin,
But you know,
It's a habit that we can grow into really quickly.
OK,
I'm in a difficult situation.
What's within my control and what's outside of my control?
And then I begin to live with more ease with uncertainty.
Sure,
There's lots in the minutia of the day and in the huge challenges of my life.
And the great changes on the world stage that are outside of my control.
So I learn.
To notice,
To recognize and to embrace uncertainty.
Hard work,
But actually maybe making the start is the hardest bit.
And the third tip for working in the area of growing this muscle of resilience through the art and skill of surrendering is to practice mindfulness,
Not necessarily in the D way.
If you've been with me for a while,
You know that I'm always talking about.
There are as many ways to be mindful as there are people on this planet.
And that's a lot.
Billions.
Mindfulness is simply paying attention.
On purpose in a particular way.
So we're noticing what's here with kindness.
We're not stuffing down our feelings and trying to ignore what's happening.
We're leaning in and saying what's here now.
And then we're responding with kindness.
So allowing ourselves to notice like we're doing in this room,
Taking a moment to pause and to notice what's here.
Powerful stuff.
So small steps.
In three areas,
Letting go of perfectionism.
Embracing uncertainty,
Which means knowing the areas where I have control and the areas that are outside of my control.
And then not focusing attention on the areas that are outside of my control.
And the third thing is learning the skill of mindfulness in a way that works in my real life.
So I hope that that is helpful.
Surrender is much understood.
It is not doormat activity.
It is fierce self-care and a foundational building block for real resilience.
I wish you well as you explore surrender.
