If you've ever felt really knocked about or deeply affected by the pain of someone else.
Their stress running through your body like it was yours to solve.
This practice is for you.
Many neurodivergent people feel this tension.
Wanting to help.
Wanting to be someone people can lean on.
Having a naturally sensitive and empathetic disposition.
And then finding another person's pain has moved in and taken over your inner world.
There's a name for the line that's being crossed here.
It's moving from empathy to empathetic distress.
So empathy is feeling with someone whilst knowing you're still separate from them.
Empathetic distress is when their suffering floods your system.
Replaying their pain after the conversation ends.
Feeling drained just from being near them.
Losing sleep over what's theirs,
Not yours.
Amazingly,
Brain scans back this up.
If you can relate to any of this,
I want you to know that none of this means you're caring wrongly or that you're too sensitive.
It just means that your nervous system needs more support to find the Goldilocks amount of care.
And that's where equanimity,
Staying steady and open around difficulty,
Like a tree with roots deep enough to meet the wind without being uprooted,
Can be so powerful.
From this place you can listen without fixing.
Care without controlling the outcome.
Walk beside someone instead of taking on their weight or feeling knocked about.
This meditation will help you explore these ideas,
And even better,
It's built for neurodivergent minds and bodies.
No pressure to sit still or stop your thoughts.
Instead,
We'll use touch,
Proprioception and your own hands on your body to move your nervous system away from empathetic distress.
And towards steadiness that doesn't cost you your own well-being.
Sounds good?
Awesome.
Let's begin.
So in your own time,
Getting comfy.
And before you close down your eyes,
Really feeling the support beneath you.
The surface holding your weight.
And now crossing your arms across your chest and gently squeezing down each arm.
So left hand is squeezing right arm.
And right hand is squeezing left arm.
From shoulders all the way down the arms until you reach the wrists.
Just doing this sequence a few times,
Really feeling into the gentle pressure.
This nervous system practice is deeply regulating.
It helps with proprioception,
Where your body sits in time and space.
It sends a powerful message to your nervous system.
This is my body.
These are my edges.
And when you've finished that round.
Reaching your arms out in front of you.
And allowing your eyes to rest at your fingertips.
Looking at one fingertip at a time.
Moving your awareness from your left hand pinky all the way to your left thumb.
To your right thumb,
All the way to your right hand pinky finger.
And once you've arrived there,
Expanding your awareness so you can focus on all 10 fingers at once.
And using this visual cue again to increase your proprioception.
Registering where your body ends and life begins.
Repeating silently in your mind after me.
I know where I end.
I cannot control what I cannot touch.
Well done.
Hands returning to your lap or by your side.
Closing down your eyes or gaze gentle.
And noticing your breath.
The quality of your inhale.
The gentle pause at the top.
The quality of your exhale.
The gentle pause at the bottom.
Really being with this four-part breath cycle for a moment now.
And now imagining yourself like a strong and steady tree.
Roots growing down into the earth beneath you.
The trunk,
Grounded,
Stable.
Branches soft enough to move with the wind.
Just like a tree,
You can be both strong and flexible.
And now bringing to mind a recent situation where someone else's distress affected you deeply.
Perhaps someone you love was struggling.
Maybe you heard difficult news.
Perhaps another person's anxiety or frustration stayed with you long after the moment had passed.
For the purposes of this practice,
Choosing something real but not too overwhelming.
And noticing what happens in your body as you remember it now.
Do you feel tension in your chest?
Tightness in your belly.
A busy mind,
The urge to fix or rescue.
Simply noticing without judgment.
Now placing one hand on the part of your body that feels most activated.
Feeling the warmth of your own hand.
The comfort of your own touch.
And silently repeating.
I can care without carrying this as my own.
I can care without carrying this as my own.
Breath low and slow,
Deep in your belly.
Noticing any change in sensation.
A reduction in activation.
And now moving your hands so that one hand is resting on your forehead.
And one is at the base of your skull.
And over the next few rounds of breath,
Imagining that these hands are cooling down the pathways in your brain.
That relate to feeling the pain of others.
With each breath these pathways are becoming less active.
As your hands rest here at your prefrontal cortex and your brainstem.
Imagining that they are engaging the networks associated with care,
Warmth and connection.
Reducing empathetic distress,
Increasing compassion.
Hands returning to a comfortable position once more.
Body,
Mind and heart a little more balanced.
And now asking inwardly.
What is mine to feel here and what belongs to the other person?
What support can I offer without abandoning myself?
There's no need to force answers.
Simply letting the questions open space inside you.
Now imagining the other person is sitting beside you.
Seeing them with kindness.
Recognising their struggle.
Honouring their humanity.
And also remembering that they have their own path.
Their own strength.
Their own capacity to grow.
Now offering them these phrases of equanimity.
May you find your own way through this.
I trust your capacity to meet this moment.
May you grow through your challenges.
Allowing another phrase that feels true for you to emerge.
Whatever feels genuine.
And as you offer that phrase.
Those words of equanimity.
Noticing if your body can remain rooted,
Steady and soft all at once.
Like the tree.
Present.
Compassionate.
Grounded.
Wise.
Resting here for three breaths,
Low and slow into the belly.
Feeling the support beneath you.
Becoming aware of the room around you.
Maybe taking a stretch as you open your eyes.
Thanks for practicing with me today.
May you carry this steadiness with you into your relationships,
Offering care from a place of grounded compassion.
