Self-love: Why Self-Love Is Critical For Harmony In Life?

This is a profound exploration of the relationship we have with ourselves. This understanding is critical for us to experience harmony in our relationships with others. "We can only give what we have" - without harmony and love within, what would we share without? It is a very raw, vulnerable sharing in order to invoke the same seriousness about the urgency of this approach!

Do we love ourselves unconditionally?
Do we speak to ourselves kindly, respectfully, lovingly, and mindfully?
Do we judge ourselves, and remember only mistakes that we made?

This meditation meanders through different ways we find ourselves not practicing self-love and brings us back to the importance of doing it. This might invoke a lot of memories and uncomfortable feelings but if we stick to it, we might experience a profound clarity!

Transcript

Let's close our eyes. Harmony. Carefully listen to this word. Feel this word. And see how it feels. To just repeat this word, To hear it, To become aware of such a melodious word and also to the experience that this word points to in our own body and mind. Something about this word resonated with us and that's why we ended up clicking and then attending this session. See if you can find that place and find that resonating frequency. Harmony is what we cherish. Obviously, We don't do it consciously. If my experience is any indicator of relationships, Then relationships can be tumultuous, They can be rough, Patchy, Great as well. But often the ones that are tumultuous, Rough, Patchy leave a deep impression on us. The good, The great, The lovely relationships that we have are quite few. Again I'm making a big generalization here, This may not apply to all of you. The reason they leave a very lasting and a deep impression on us, Especially the ones that, The relationships that involve suffering or pain or unhappiness of sorts, Is because something very special about the way we relate to others. Our life is very incomplete, Feels very incomplete unless it is shared with others. Because at a deep level we want community. We long for community, We thrive in communities, We thrive in supportive, Pleasant, Lovely, Great relationships. And all of us, If not most of us, Have had that taste of great relationship. We have felt nourished. It could be our parents, Our siblings, Intimate relationships, Mentor, Sometimes kids, Co-workers, Friends. The harmony, The nourishment. We brought that back with us into our lives. We may not have been able to pinpoint it, But there was a lingering effect of that harmony, Albeit for a few hours or a few days, Sometimes few minutes, But there has always been a lingering feeling from these nourishing relationships, Harmonious relationships. For today's session, However, I want to go a little more fundamental and explore the relationship that we have with ourselves first. The best place to get clarity is within ourselves. At least that's what my experience has been. It's very easy to be clouded. Our judgment gets clouded, Our biases come up front. And it comes to relationships with others. And of course, The same applies to the other people involved in this relationship. But it's easier to get clarity as long as we are open, Courageous, Open to receiving what is being shared and courageous to accept if we see something that might be true in our own experience within ourselves. So it's easier if we have these two prerequisites. It's easier to get clarity for ourselves first. So the most important and more fundamental relationship is our relationship with ourselves. So if I asked you this question, Would you call your relationship with yourself harmonious? Do you feel that you have a nourishing relationship with yourself? Most if not all the time. Or is this question bringing up how we relate to ourselves in the light of being unkind, Sometimes brutal, Strict, Unthoughtful, Unmindful, Critical, Judgmental about our own self. I once read, We can only share what we have. So if we have a relationship which is tumultuous with ourselves, Maybe consciously, Unconsciously, That's what gets projected into our external relationships. And what's the point of having this tumultuous relationship with ourselves? And the weird thing about it is no matter where we are in the world, What language we speak, What age we are, What ethnicity we are, We all have learned this. This unfruitful way of treating ourselves, Of relating to ourselves, Judging ourselves. It's amazing. Whether you are from the US, From India, From Europe, From Australia, It doesn't matter. We all have learned it. And the irony is nobody taught it to us consciously, Yet we learned it. Isn't that crazy? I don't remember ever being sat down and explained that the first person I need to love is myself. I got to treat myself with respect. I got to nourish myself. I got to nourish my body. I got to nourish my mind. I need to be kind in my words that I speak to myself. I got to learn from my mistakes. And once I learn, I forget those mistakes. Sometimes swallow my mistakes. Nobody taught me how to treat myself, To talk to myself when I failed. When I fell, When I said something I shouldn't have, When I did something I shouldn't have because I didn't know better. Somehow I ended up learning to be strict with myself, Brutal, Intentionally punish myself sometimes for the wrong that I've done in the past. I don't remember ever doing something wrong or a mistake by consciously choosing it. It always happened. And later on, I came to realize that it was a mistake or it was wrong. If there was no one to scold me, I scolded myself. I punished myself. I ate things I shouldn't have to bury my unhappiness. Somehow there was a deep intention to hurt myself, To punish. But who would tell me this? The ones who I expected to tell me this were doing this to themselves anyways. I recently remembered, Remember recently I had a conversation with my mom. Before this conversation, We had an argument and she said things to me. And this conversation, She apologized. And she told me, I wasn't angry at you, I was angry with myself. How could she teach me this if she herself was doing this to herself? So the harmony needs, Mandates. The harmony of relationships with others mandates a harmonious relationship with ourselves. To unlearn whatever we have learned, Whatever we have picked up, Doesn't matter when we picked up. It's like the garbage in our house, It contains garbage from a day ago, Five days ago, A week ago. You don't sit and sift through garbage, You just throw the entire garbage can, The contents of the entire garbage can. That's what this process demands. The willingness to let go, Not let go for others, But let go for yourself. There's no one else here. This relationship is about you versus you, Me versus me. Even if we did not treat ourselves with respect in the past, It can stop today, Once and for all. No relapses, No negotiations. We can start being kind to ourselves all the time. If there's a choice, And there's always a choice, To be unkind versus kind, We can choose kindness and be done with unkindness. Don't get me wrong, We can be strict with ourselves, But the strictness still has the flavor that a mother has for her little baby, The infant, Filled with love, Yet firm for the betterment. We can feed ourselves, Nourishing food mentally, Physically, Emotionally. We can try to understand why mistakes happened through us. Learn the lessons from the mistakes. Maybe they are revealing our patterns, Maybe they are revealing the lack of strategies, Or maybe they are revealing lack of understanding. Whatever they are revealing, We learn from the mistakes without holding on to them, Without creating a chart sheet of sorts against ourselves. And the weird part is the neurosis of the mind, Is when we make a new mistake, It brings up our old mistakes as well. So not only do we suffer our current mistake, We scold ourselves for the past mistakes too. We don't have to fault-find all the time, As uncomfortable as it might feel, But it's okay to accept praise when it comes our way. Some of us can't even take that. We try to underplay the praise that comes, Because somehow taking praise would be bad. We reject praise, Heartfelt, Shared praise from someone else, We reject it because we are not comfortable with it. So maybe we can loosen that criteria. Instead of running away from ourselves all the time, In our phones, In our activities, In our tasks, In our work. Maybe we can spend time with ourselves, Get to know ourselves, Listen to ourselves, Talk to ourselves, Love ourselves. Whatever we are looking for in a partner, We can start giving ourselves the same treatment, Unconditionally. Not because you did something or you didn't do something or because you have something or you look a certain way or you don't look a certain way. Regardless of how you think you are, What if we loved ourselves? And whatever I'm describing is not at a verbal level, Although it can start at a verbal level. But think about a mother-child relationship. It is more of a felt experience for the child and the mother, The love that they share. The harmony, The rhythm that they share is not conditional, Is not based on something that is verbalized. Although it can start with that by us becoming aware of it. But when we stay true to the feeling experience of ourselves, Where we want to run away from ourselves, We can take this harmony to a next level. Think of the love that, The harmony that you have with your dog. Do you sit down and count how loving your dog is? Are you grateful for something that he or she does or doesn't do? Or there is not even a thought about gratitude. Love trumps gratitude in all regards. It's. . . I don't know what else to say about love. And that's the basis of our harmony in our relationships with others. It is the unconditional love that we have for ourselves that lets the harmony, The nourishment blossom within ourselves. It grows enough with an infinite source that we can share it with others. But before we go to others, Let's heal our own relationship with ourselves. Let's look after ourselves. Let's feed ourselves nourishing food, Nourishing thoughts, Nourishing words, Nourishing attitude. Let's create a pool of love in which we can heal. And as we heal, We share that. It's not that because we give it, We have less of it. No. The source that I'm asking you to tap into is limitless. The mandates are still valid. The openness to receiving it and the courage to do something about it. I love myself. I do want to improve in different areas of my life. I do make mistakes. I do learn from them. I say things, I do things that I shouldn't. Sometimes. But there's no. . . I don't remember the last time I insulted myself. I spoke badly to myself. I punished myself. I wish you the same self-love, If not more. The same kindness towards yourself. The same respect and love. Thank you.