When Will We Start Living Our Life?

This is a contemplation on the recognition of our desire to lead a fuller life and how we postpone this desire due to inertia to do something that our hearts truly desire. The contemplation starts with a question and we zoom into its relevance in our lives.

The mechanism by which we postpone living a healthier, more engaged, fuller life by having conflicting desires or the lack or recognition that most of our life has passed us in dreaming about living a better life!

This is a call to action!

Transcript

I was watching something on TV the other day and it was a comedy show but something happened there which which really stayed with me in a very profound way.

Maybe together we can unpack something that I heard and see how it applies to all of us.

So what I saw was there is this famous actor that comes on this comedy show and the host tells him that you know I'm really working towards my fitness and earning more money based on what I see you have done in your career.

So it was a totally non-spiritual show but there were still traces of profundity in that which I want to explore.

So coming back to the story,

So this host says that how he's working towards it and he has a long way to go to become close to what this famous and rich actor is doing and then this actor said something very simple but very piercing.

He said when are you gonna do it?

Half of your life is already gone.

You know this let me repeat it once more.

So the actor says when are you gonna start living the life that you want to live because half of your life is already gone and it made me realize the mechanism,

The mechanism of forgetfulness about how we believe that you know we have forever to live,

Forever to actually do what we want to do and that we don't have to do it now but tomorrow is a good day.

Although the trigger for this conversation was about name fame money but once I sat with something that pierced my heart I realized that it is more fundamental than just name fame money which all of us have different connotations.

So this is not about name fame money,

Actors,

Comedy etc.

It's about everyday life.

We all want to live a better life,

A fuller life,

A healthier life,

A more loving,

More engaged life.

Not necessarily in terms of a goal oriented but it's just in our nature to want to be healthier,

To want to do things better.

But the momentum of our habits makes sure that we do exactly like we have been doing so we get exactly what we have been getting yet something in our hearts desires something more.

That's why when someone is traveling to a better place,

A friend of ours,

We start living vicariously through them.

We get enamored by beautiful pictures,

Healthier bodies,

Healthier foods.

We wow for a better workout routine,

Disciplined workout routine to be more focused at work.

But somehow this deep desire of our hearts to evolve,

To improve gets met with the momentum of previous habits and these are not conscious habits.

These are unconscious mechanical routines that we follow.

No matter how hard we try,

We find it impossible to wake up earlier to get in a workout session because the body has its own inertia.

We can't wind down earlier at night because there's a momentum of the habit of checking our phones longer in bed or watching tv.

And again I'm not saying everything applies to all of us.

I'm just trying to unpack what came to be and most of this applies to me more than you.

I don't proclaim to be a saint.

We all can walk in this journey,

Evolve together.

I see is for sharing with everyone else and same could be true about you.

So we have two things at hand.

One,

The deep desire to evolve and the other is the momentum of our habits.

One is in conflict with the other and no matter how much we try,

We can't shrug off this desire which seems to be very fundamental to our nature.

For example,

Like when you go to a football,

Baseball,

Basketball game or any other sport for that matter,

You want to see something more exciting.

You want to see extraordinary efforts by the players and we cherish those extraordinary efforts.

Somehow ordinary is not good enough,

Not from a cultural good not good enough standpoint but from this deep desire of evolving that our hearts desire this betterment.

Like when we try to make food,

We try to make it as good as we can and then we want to exceed it.

So what happens in this conflict?

Every time this desire comes up,

It is met with the habit,

The pre-existing habit.

We unconsciously push this action into the future.

Oh yeah,

I'll do it from tomorrow.

You know,

Once this gets solved,

This situation in my life,

I'm definitely going to do that.

You know,

If only this,

This thing and that thing.

I mean,

And in the process,

Days go by,

Weeks go by,

Years go by and maybe half of our life has gone by.

So when will we start living the way we want to?

Is tomorrow or next week ever going to come?

And I'm not trying to shame you or scold you.

These words are not for your mind,

For the pre-existing habits,

For the pre-existing knowledge.

These words are for this deep desire within you,

Within me to improve,

To evolve,

To say something which is truer,

Shorter,

More precise,

More humane.

And of course I make mistakes.

I stumble,

I fumble.

So these words are for that deep desire within us.

Parts of you may not like it,

But it's not for those parts anyways.

And on a more practical level,

What happens with these kind of projections into the future or kicking the can down the road habit is our mental ram keeps burning.

This conflict is working at a conscious and more importantly at a subconscious level.

There's lack of harmony in our inner and outer life,

Incongruence.

That's why we feel drained many times.

Not because we have done a lot of things.

Physical effort,

Being drained from physical effort can be replenished with a nap.

But being drained by this mental activity all the time,

This emotional activity all the time can start taking a toll because it doesn't go away with a nap.

It just pauses.

The hearts want to go towards better,

To evolve,

And our habits want to keep us where we are all day,

Every day.

And I'm not talking about anything drastic like moving,

Being in a relationship,

Not being in a relationship,

Not these big ticket items.

What I'm talking about is everyday life.

It's like wanting to go for lunch outside,

Waking up early sometimes and working out,

Going for a run.

Whatever you think you are going to do tomorrow or next week,

Just doing those things today.

The only way to stop this energy drain is congruence,

Harmony between our inner and outer.

And if not now,

When?

For some people,

Going cold turkey works.

For some of us,

A little more paced out effort works.

Without being violent with ourselves,

With our habits,

How can we nudge them into a direction that we want?

You don't want your mind and your bodies to rebel by doing something too much too soon.

But neither do you want this deep desire to be buried.

Because it's not just buried,

It's kicking and screaming there.

It's draining our energy.

At the end of our life,

What will matter to us is congruence,

Not how diligently we followed our habits.

There's no medal for how many reps you have done for the same activity.

And we are not interested in that medal anyways.

We act as if we are,

But nobody is handing out the medals and we won't be interested either.

What we really long for is congruence,

Harmony.

And what stops us from doing this,

This mechanism of pushing the can down the road.

And it's amazing how just one step in the right direction,

And by right I mean whatever the direction you want to go in,

Not someone else.

Even a small step in that direction will pacify your heart and you will stop losing energy to this conflict.

The habit will start eroding.

The busyness is not going to stop.

This busy,

Doing something or the other is always going to happen.

And we are all smart enough to see that in our life,

That we are only getting busier as we age.

The wisdom in us is waiting to spring out.

Age is a sign of wisdom.

But somehow our habits are keeping us entrenched into doing the same thing over and over again,

Living the same life like a Groundhog Day movie.

Wisdom is about something eternal,

About new.

It's like the sun.

It's been there billions of years,

Yet it looks and feels new every day.

How about that?

That's wisdom.

This thing about half the life has already passed is true,

No matter when you hear this.

It's like a gut punch to this narrative that we have in our minds that,

You know,

I'll do it later.

But we can't will our way into it.

We can only wise our way into it.

This is a function of wisdom,

Not a function of willpower.

The wisdom lies in understanding the mechanism,

In understanding how we are complying with our habits and to withdraw that compliance a day at a time or completely at one time in service of this deep desire that we all have to live a better life.

Not someone else's better life,

But your better life.

A more practical approach would be to write down whatever we want to do on a daily basis.

No high ticket item,

Just mundane daily stuff that you've been postponing.

Just write it down in a notepad.

And what can be done to incorporate that activity in our life today?

And see in the process if you're choosing any conflicting items.

That's where our minds are very cunning.

It'll come up with two seemingly unrelated items,

But a little zooming in will show us that they are actually conflicting.

If you choose one,

You're going to be miserable about the other.

And that doesn't help with congruence or harmony.

You can't decide to be sitting in one place and wanting to go somewhere at the same time.

So when you make this list,

Beware of what is stopping you from doing that.

Is there a conflicting habit?

So removing unnecessary conflicts is the easiest way to incorporate wherever and whatever we want to do.

So I would suggest writing down what you want to do.

Next to it,

Writing down what is stopping you from doing it.

And next to it,

In the third column,

You can write down what can you do to start doing what you want to do.

Or can you completely let go of this desire?

And if you can't,

You have to eliminate column two.

You have to take column one and start incorporating for your own peace,

For your own congruence and harmony.

Let go what needs to be let go.

And if you cannot let go,

Make it a part of your life.

And if you don't feel like doing it after that,

Maybe it was just a passing desire,

Then you can still let it go after you do it once or twice.

But you'll start noticing a relaxation in your bodies and minds.

Once this congruence starts kicking in,

Once this conflict stop starts fading away.

Thank you.

Reviews

Love these reminders, thank u: Not having unnecessary conflicts. Let go of what needs to be let go. If u cant, make it part of your life. If u realise u have no interest after trying something, it's ok to realise it's just a passing desire.

This has had PROFOUND significance in my every day life as I relisten and ‘realise’ the impact your shared wisdom here is continuing to ripple into my everyday… no more ‘waiting until tomorrow’ thank you from my very overflowing Love filled heART
💜🥰🙏🥰💜

Your words are received by me like a soothing and therapeutic balm for the heart, mind and spirit. 🩵🙏🏼🩵

I have been struggling with procrastination for a long time and only recently, at age 67, I am affirming “If not NOW… when?!”
This talk was a timely discovery which I will use as a meditation to go deeper into the fibre of my wisdom.
Blessings 🙌🏼

Excellent talk and very thought provoking. Thank you!♥️

Incredibly motivating, but in a gentle, compassionate, loving way. I joined your live session today for the first time, and every moment of it resonated with me thoroughly. This recorded talk was the same way. I look forward to your Live this evening. You are a true treasure of Insight Timer, & I’m delighted to have found you. ❤️