What Are Boundaries?

What exactly are boundaries and why are they very good to have?

But first,

Before we get into that question,

My name is Jessica Amos.

I'm a mindfulness meditation teacher here on Insight Timer.

And I actually have a 10 day course called Compassionate Boundaries for Kind People.

And it's my signature course.

It's one of my most popular courses.

And it is so practical and down to earth.

And it talks about things like people pleasing,

Codependency,

Guilt,

Shame,

Obligation,

Learning how to say no,

How to have difficult conversations,

And the ultimate thing that boundaries give us,

Which is freedom to be ourselves,

To live from our fullness and our wholeness,

Where we're not resentful,

We're not exhausted,

And we're not burned out.

And our relationships are thriving and connected and healthier than they have ever been.

First of all,

These are just all the things that we cover in the course.

Boundaries really is beginning to honor where you end and other people begin,

Okay?

Where you end as a person and where other people begin.

So for whatever reason,

You probably have a really big heart and you love to give and you have also maybe learned along the way that that is where some of your value is,

Is in saying yes and making others happy and doing whatever it is that's expected of you so that you can be long and you can feel connected and you can feel accepted.

But you're maybe hitting a point in your life where you're starting to feel kind of tired and resentful and burned out and you're saying yes to things that you don't want to say yes to and you feel really disconnected from yourself.

The thing that boundaries gives us and why we have boundaries is so that we can begin to understand where our self-responsibility ends and where other people have to be responsible for themselves.

So,

Boundaries,

Number one,

Helps you learn to pay attention to your own needs,

Your own wants,

Your own desires,

And learn to fulfill your own needs,

Your own wants,

Your own desires,

To take care of yourself,

To be on your own side,

And to trust that it's also up to other people to do that for themselves.

This is a little different when it comes to having children.

But again,

Children also need boundaries because otherwise we end up with spoiled brats,

Right?

So adults are no different.

We all need boundaries and boundaries create trust.

Boundaries create safety.

Boundaries create clarity.

And when we have trust and we have safety and we have clarity,

We can then have honesty and we can have really clean,

Authentic interactions with others because we understand that we are responsible for us and others are responsible for themselves.

And when we say yes,

When we mean yes,

That is creating trust.

When we say yes,

When we are saying really mean no,

That is not creating trust.

And people eventually feel that over time.

So even if you think that maybe you're doing a good thing by giving to people and saying yes,

Even when you don't want to.

Over time,

That builds up to where low key,

They really know that you don't really mean what you say.

Ouch,

That hurts,

Right?

And I'm saying all of this as someone who has been practicing boundaries for a really long time.

And I have really struggled with this,

But that's also why I'm so glad I've gone through it because boundaries have saved my life.

They have freed me up.

And I am so happy in my relationships that I have some of the best relationships I've ever had in my entire life because of boundaries.

So anyway,

I hope that's a really great overview for you on what boundaries are and why you need them.

And I hope you go check out my 10 day course for not only like what they are and why you need them,

But on practical,

Practical tools,

Advice,

Steps to having boundaries while remaining a kind and compassionate person.

Yes,

I love it.

Okay.

And please reach out if you have any other questions.

Until next time,

May you stay with yourself today and always.

Bye.