Struggling To Make A Change? Try This!

My name is Jessica Amos,

I'm a mindfulness teacher and coach,

And I'm the founder of Stay With Yourself.

Today I really want to talk to you about something that I love.

It's really,

Really practical.

It's called the act as if or fake it till you make it method.

And I have been implementing this practice of fake it till you make it and act as if for years.

I've been doing this work in healing and growth just on a personal level and then becoming my profession for over 20 years.

And this is one of the things tried and true that has always worked for me.

This is how it works.

Feelings follow action.

Which is something I have said to my coaching clients who come to me around like wanting help around boundaries.

I've done a lot of work with a lot of people around boundaries.

I had someone come to me one time.

She goes,

Oh,

I'm so tired of feeling guilty about setting boundaries.

Like I don't want to say anything.

I'm waiting to not feel guilty.

She was waiting to not feel guilty in order to set boundaries.

And it's just so clear to me,

Like you don't wait to not feel guilty to set the boundary.

Part of what keeps us from doing the thing is that we're waiting until like,

Oh,

It's going to be so easy.

Going to be so easy.

You just have to do it and trust that the feelings will follow the action.

Keep taking the action that's in alignment with who you want to be and where you want your life to be going and the feelings will then follow suit,

Right?

We can't wait until we don't feel guilty in order to set the boundary,

Then we will never set the boundary.

I see it happen all the time.

Don't wait until you feel like you love yourself in order to start acting like you love yourself.

And this is where the act as if and the fake it till you make it has really,

Really served me,

Especially when it's come to self love and self care.

Inherently,

You wouldn't be here if there wasn't a deeper part of you that knew that you were valuable and worthy of love.

I just know that 100% without a doubt.

No question.

You would not be here sitting in this session,

Sitting in this room showing up for yourself in this way if you didn't know deep down that you are valuable and worthy of love.

So let's just establish that we already know deep down We are valuable.

We are worthy of love.

We're worthy of being here and we are worthy of deep care and support and that we are the number one person to give that to ourselves.

Yes,

We can hope that other people will and that can so much be so much of our pain and suffering is that we're waiting for other people to do for us what it is that we maybe haven't been willing to do for ourselves.

So this is the call to action.

It is.

If you really love yourself,

And this is the question I've asked myself,

If I really loved myself,

How would I behave in the situation?

How would Jessica,

Who loves herself,

Act?

How would I behave?

How would I take care of myself?

What would I be doing?

What boundaries would I be setting?

What would my calendar and schedule look like?

Who would I be spending time with?

How would I be treating myself when I'm alone or with other people?

How would I talk to myself?

How would I dress?

How would I care for my body?

What kind of things would I be reading?

What would I be saying yes to?

Would I be saying no to?

This question gets really big,

But okay,

If I really love and care for myself,

If I value myself,

If I am important and valuable and worthy of love and worthy of care,

What would that look like?

So it's not saying I feel valuable.

It's not saying I feel lovable.

It's not saying I feel worthy.

It's not about the feeling.

It's what would the action look like?

And then start to act as if you love yourself.

Start to fake it till you make it,

So to speak.

And I know that there's like a pretty mixed bag on the phrase,

Fake it till you make it.

But I love it.

Use whatever language you want,

But it could be act as if,

Fake it till you make it,

Whatever.

Act as if you love yourself.

Yourself and trust that the feelings will follow the action.

You start acting and the behavior that says I love you.

With a behavior that says you are worthy of taking a shower every day.

You are worthy of setting boundaries.

You are worthy of being spoken kindly to.

You are worthy of being someone who feels good about themselves.

What actions would it take?

Act as if.

If you act as if you loved yourself,

How would you be behaving?

What would you be doing?

Okay,

If you have any questions or any.

Thing you would like me to talk on or teach on,

I invite you to submit those and maybe I'll create a teaching just for you.

In the meantime,

May you stay with yourself today and always.