What Part Of You Do You Speak To During Self-Talk?

This reflection starts from the author, Deepak Ramola's question "What part of you do you speak to when you talk to yourself?" We explore the precursor to this question viz. "How do you speak to when you talk to yourself?" because that is where the crux of our suffering lies.

This is an organic unfolding triggered by Deepak's question - leading us toward self-love.

Transcript

Let's close our eyes. Let's close our eyes. Normally, When I sit down for these sessions, I do not come with any fixed agenda of what. . . Of what is going to be said or how I need to direct. But I heard something from a very beautiful author named Deepak Ramula and my heart has been on fire to explore what he said. He posted a question on his social media, Which I thought was very profound and needs a meticulous unfolding. So although I know where I want to start today, I don't know where to go. The question that was posted. . . Was. . . What part of you do you speak to when you are talking to yourself? The question that I came across was. . . What part of you do you speak to when you are talking to yourself? Before we get into this question, I want to explore how we speak to a part of ourselves when we are talking to ourselves. We all talk to ourselves. We either talk to ourselves consciously or there is a voice in our head. And given how we don't have any other person living in our head, It's safe to assume that the voice in our head belongs to us. So how do we talk to ourselves? Are we kind? Are we loving? What is the nature? What is the texture of our self-talk? If my assumption is right, We are nothing but critical, Unkind, Unloving, Sometimes brutal with ourselves. Most of the times, Once in a while, We might praise ourselves for a task well done, For the way we look, For the idea that we came up with. But soon that praise turns into guilt of praising ourselves and we are back to being critical. And the voice in our head, When we are unconsciously talking to ourselves, Is riddled with fear, Judgement, Doubt about our skills, About the unknown, About our hubris, You name it. We amplify our mistakes in our mind. Again, It would be unproductive of me to share something from my own observations, Only to exacerbate the problem. So what I'm sharing right now is not to judge ourselves for judging ourselves, But to recognize that we are doing it, If we are doing it. Because once we agree that we are doing it, Then we can move on to the next question. And questions like these are enough. They don't need answers. If asked, If a right question is asked at the right time, It could pierce all the way through. That's my aim. To share something that I have observed for myself, Verify it, Explore it, And let it take its own life without seeking any answers for these questions. The only prerequisite is a safe, Soft, Gentle environment of being open in this exploration. So the how part is pretty straightforward. How do we talk to ourselves? Not well. If somebody else spoke to us this way, We would flee their captivity. But somehow we accept, We accept it for ourselves. Because somehow, All of us from being from different parts of the world, Different cultural backgrounds, Somehow we have all landed up in this place we are, Where we are, Similarly unkind to ourselves. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood. We learnt this. We perfected it. So which part of us are we referring to? When we talk to ourselves, Is it the part that is strong and can defend itself? Or are we picking on our weakest part? At the weakest time. At the weakest time. At the weakest time. Somehow the voice is loudest when we are vulnerable and we end up believing what is being said. Blame. Doubt. I should have. I was so stupid. All these are hurled onto that vulnerable part. Sitting in a corner, Waiting to be held. Sometimes crying, But cannot show its tears. I am not. I am not. I am not. I am not. I am not. That's the place we need to embrace first. Let all the individual parts heal into one whole you. Some of us have kids. Some of us don't. But all of us have been around kids. If a kid was hurting, Crying, We wouldn't ignore that kid. No mistake. If there is a punishment for every mistake that we make, Then we are not free. We are in a prison. So no mistake is worth these, This unkind attitude towards ourselves. And the part that is the most vulnerable is also the most sensitive. That is the part that brings us intuition, Creativity, Love, Kindness, Compassion, Selflessness. So let's forgive that part for all the mistakes, For all the wrong decisions, For all the wrong choices. And everything had to happen the exact same way for every one of us to reach here today. So whatever we deem as mistakes are not really mistakes. So go and hug yourself. Heal yourself. Be proud of your vulnerable, Sensitive part. Make it feel seen. Make it feel heard. That's how we can become whole, Healthy, Happy. Thank you.

Reviews

Be kinder to yourself… such a simple philosophy but so easy to go against. Is it because we can hide in doubt making it easier to be ok with? If only our internal self was visible to the love and support of others…