So I'm just reading your comments here that you had a clash with an adult daughter over her parenting and yelling and you were told to,
Well,
You guys can all read it,
Essentially one of two,
Yeah,
Yeah,
And as you thought about it,
I thought,
Why does she not want the help so she can get a break and calm down?
So I offered this idea,
No response.
And I thought,
How silly that my kids want to repeat what my siblings did,
Which was sort of not help each other and there's so much separation.
I think that's,
I think I get what you're saying here is that,
Yeah,
People,
It's a very,
It is interesting how people,
When we're offering help,
I will say this,
I think when people are stressed out,
And again,
And stressed and angry,
Already lateralizing to the left hemisphere of their brain,
Even offering help in that moment feels like a threat.
It just feels like,
Don't give me one more thing,
I cannot take one more thing.
And I think it's really important for us to understand that when people are stressed,
When people are angry,
When people are upset,
That they're just,
They're drowning.
And even offering our help,
Like we have to be really careful the help that we're offering in that moment,
Because if they're drowning,
Don't throw them an anvil,
Right?
What they need is a hand.
And I think in that situation,
To also just be more like,
What can I do,
Right?
They're drowning.
Yes,
You might have some really healthy advice for them on how to deal better with their children in the future.
But in that moment,
They're drowning.
And for us,
Because we are practicing,
Right?
We're being more mindful,
We're meditators,
We're learning the wisdom teachings and how to be more compassionate.
And these are the times when our practice,
Like when our practice,
You know,
Meets the pavement,
Right?
It's like,
Oh,
Okay,
This is what's going on.
Someone's yelling right now and they're screaming.
And what is the best way that I can handle this situation in a loving and kind way?
You know,
Every situation a little bit different,
Depending upon if they're being really aggressive with you or they're just venting or if they're asking,
Help me,
Right?
And then you're saying,
Okay,
But let's not do that.
Let's do this.
Just,
Okay,
What do you need?
What do you need?
Right gift,
Right time,
Right gift,
Right time.
It's so we're so quick to want to say,
I know what the solution is,
But we've got to remember where the other person is coming from.
And if we want to be helpful,
If we want to be helpful to remember where they are coming from in that moment,
If they're angry already,
If they're stressed already,
Don't throw them an anvil.
Really try your best to see it from their perspective,
To acknowledge what they're feeling,
To help them feel comforted and safe because they do not feel that way in that moment.
It's again,
Seeing the bigger picture,
Right?
The left hemisphere wants to get in there and say,
No,
I know what you need to do differently next time.
Deal with the bigger,
Deal with what's going on now.
See how,
Because it's all related.
It's all related,
Right gift,
Right time.
And sometimes the right gift is just nothing.
Just like,
Ooh,
This just isn't the right time for them.
It's not going to help them.
It's not going to help.
It's like the saying,
When we speak,
Our speech should go through three doors.
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
Right?
So you can be in that situation being getting yelled at and thinking,
What do I want to do here?
What do I want to say?
And you might be ready to say something and kind of think,
Is it true?
Okay,
Maybe it's true.
Is it necessary?
Maybe not in this moment.
Is it kind?
Maybe not if they're not going to hear it or if they're going to take it the wrong way.
This is where our practice is.
This is where we start to,
Where we see if we're getting the teachings or not.
It's easy to be peaceful when everything is just going smoothly and you're on your meditation retreat or at the monastery or off on your own and everything's very peaceful,
Right?
Of course,
We also can still torment ourselves then,
But it's even more difficult when we're around people that are stressed,
When we're around people that are making bad choices in their lives.
It's much more difficult then,
But this is where our practice is.
Yeah,
It should be practical.
It should be helpful to those around us.
It should be helpful.
It should be useful.
So knowing how when we're interacting with others,
Right?
If you find yourself getting angry,
If you find yourself grasping at the solution,
This is the right thing and they won't listen to me.
It's time for us to think,
Oh,
What am I not getting here?
Why did I not see that person who was stressed out of their mind?
Why didn't I have compassion for them?
Because stress means I feel threatened.
I feel as though someone's about to harm me.
Even though you can see nothing's there,
But why wouldn't our response be compassion in that moment?
We're not understanding how things are arising based on causes and conditions.
So it's for us to also go back and go,
Hmm,
I need to examine this a little bit more.
Because my response was,
Well,
They're just being a jerk or they're so unenlightened.
They need to meditate,
Right?
No,
No,
Our job is not to point out who needs to meditate or who needs to let go,
Right?
It's for us to let go.
It's for us to let go.
And for us to let go,
We need wisdom,
Right?
And compassion,
Wisdom and compassion,
Two sides of the same coin.
