How To Worry Effectively

This practice helps us work with worry and anxiety through our breath, the body, and the mind. We begin by checking in with how we are responding right now and being patient with ourselves.

We use the five senses to settle, work with a continuous breath, and then watch our worries as thoughts. We pick one specific worry, put it in a frame on the other side of the room, and notice what changes in the image and in our body. We close with cyclic sighing.

Our worries are real, and this practice gives us a way to be with them without getting swallowed up. It is something we can return to as many times a day as we need.

Do something every day to calm anxiety and build a strong, resilient nervous system.

Transcript

What's going on in my mind? That's a pretty big one. How can I come into awareness but without going over the top with it? So how can we actually just work with that? Take a few breaths, Come back into awareness of how am I responding to this moment? Maybe that's where we start. How am I responding to this moment? So if you think back over the last few hours, Few weeks. What is your level of nervous system regulation compared to usual? Do you feel like you're a lot more worried than usual, Just a little bit, Or has it really peaked over the last couple of weeks? What's your experience over the last few months with worry? Whatever it is, Could we be patient with ourselves? One of the things that we sometimes will do is shame ourselves for being worried. Shame ourselves for being anxious. And that's really not legit because right now, Especially, There's a lot going on and our nervous systems are struggling. All of our nervous systems are struggling. And when that happens, Then we tend to pick anxiety up from each other. If you're around someone who's really calm, Then we tend to feel calmer. Let's look around the room. Look around the physical space that you're in and what are you noticing? Turn your head and look around. Is there any immediate danger right now that you should respond to? And if not, That's good to know. So this higher level of worry isn't really because there's danger in the space that we're in. Is something else. We probably have a pretty good idea of what that is and we're going to look into that as well. One of the things that we can do then is if we're noticing a higher level of activation, We might do a practice like the five senses. I'm looking around the room. I'm noticing there's no danger, But I still feel pretty alarmed. Or maybe you're just going through your day and you're noticing, I'm not even hardly breathing. I'm holding my breath. My body's really tight. My mind is starting to take over with worry. I'm going to stop and do some practice. One of them is the five senses. If you can say these out loud, Do that. It seems to help if we speak it out loud. The first thing is we look around the room and we name five things that we can see. What can you see? Just name five things you can see. And then four things that you can touch. Touch them if you can. I've got a soft shirt on. I feel my hands, They're warm. You can maybe touch your face or if I've got some cool foot on the desk in front of me. Or things that you can touch and say those out loud. And then three sounds that you hear. Sound is one of the ways that we know if we're safe or not. So if you're listening, Is there anything alarming? But what else are the sounds? Maybe a fridge, Or who's the sound in my voice is one. I can hear the furnace is clicking a little as it goes on. And then two things that you can smell. Maybe there's something you can smell, Maybe you can't come up with two things you smell, But you could think of two favorite smells and just say those out loud. And then one thing that you can taste. Or favorite taste. And then notice now, How do you feel? How's your nervous system? Do you feel a little more settled? Notice your breath right now. Notice you could put a hand on your chest and a hand on your stomach if you like. Notice the rhythm of your breath. When we breathe diaphragmatically, There's not much movement in the chest. Our lungs are pear-shaped. Most of the action happens lower down on the lower ribcage and the diaphragm muscle. If you're breathing diaphragmatically, Your stomach is softening towards the spine on the out-breath. And of course it has trouble doing that if our stomach is tight, If we're clenched, If our body's tight. So you might have to relax your body a little too, Which is also a benefit. Let your body relax and soften a bit. And just notice where's the movement as I'm breathing. And allow your breath to be continuous so that you're not holding your breath. It's very common to develop habits of holding our breath. One of the ways that we can work with that is just really bring your attention to the transition in the breath. So as you're getting to the end of the exhalation, Let yourself smoothly move into the inhale. We don't need to worry about hanging on there. We could just. . . Breathe that in breath in. Sometimes if we're feeling kind of overwhelmed or a little bit more on the depressed side, We stop breathing for a moment and then Okay, I guess I need some air. I'll breathe in again. And if we're holding our breath, It's signaling that we're not quite safe. So if we've got the continuity of the breath, It signals safety. Exhale, Let the breath go and then right into the inhale. And then as you're coming up to the top of the inhale, Breathe in enough that you have enough air, Not too much, But enough, And then let it go. If we're anxious, We often hold our breath and we don't let the stale air go. We're really working with that continuity if we're worried, If we're anxious. Being aware of our breath is one thing. But then at the end of the inhale, Just let yourself breathe in so you have lots of air. And then let it go. Just breathe out. You can breathe out through your nose, You can breathe out through your mouth. Breathing in. And then breathing out. And as you breathe out, Let your body relax. Shoulders, Mouth and jaw. Forehead. Take a little bit of deeper breaths maybe, And then a longer exhale. And this is something we can come back to 100 times a day. And now we're gonna work with thoughts in our mind. We're just gonna give ourselves a couple of minutes to worry. But any worries, Come on, Let me know what's going on in my mind and what could I be doing that would just bring that into awareness? So if you were sitting behind your head, For instance, Watching thoughts go through, That's one way that we might visualize that. What am I worrying about? And then let's just sit and watch that. A little bit of awareness on your breath. Mostly just watching thoughts. What am I worried about? Brian, Stay with the worry, And at the same time, Notice that you're observing the worry. Maybe keep a bit of an eye on your breath. We're not in any way saying that our worries are silly or not real. We're just looking to see what is it that I'm worried about right now. And sometimes if it's really practical. Well, I could maybe take these steps, But our mind's always gonna go into, Well, Yeah, But this might happen, But what if this happens, And that's even worse, And then what if that? That happens in our mind. Our mind is trying to help us figure it out. And help us figure out how we're going to deal with the worst case scenario. And sometimes our circumstances are really hard. Pick something out of the worry that you were just working with. And it might be a face, It might be a dollar sign, It could be anything. But pick something specific that would represent this worry. And then let's look at that as a thought. If it's something political, It might be in your neighborhood what's happening or in the country or the world stage. Just pick something and then look at it as a thought. So first of all, Notice if this is an interaction between you and somebody else, Could you put yourself into the picture? If you're looking at a voting booth, Could you put yourself into the picture so you see, Here I am at a voting booth. Something like that. It helps our brain recognize the difference between a thought and something we're seeing that's actually happening. If we're not looking at an image that looks like it's out of our own eyes, If you have an argument with someone, For instance, The images in your mind is their face and they're angry and maybe there's a video, Maybe there's a rage in their voice or something. It feels like it's happening to us because that's what we see. But if you could bring yourself back a step and look at it and say, Okay, Here I am standing and this other person's standing here. And I can see their face still, But I can also see myself. And that little trick about perspective helps us to realize actually that's not happening to me in this moment. I'm thinking about something that I'm worrying about. That's one thing, And then with your eyes open, Put the image on the other side of the room. This is such a simple trick. I teach about it all the time. Actually put the image over there and put it in a frame. So first of all, We notice it's over there. The thought's not in my head anymore. It's over there. It's something that I can observe and look at. As you're looking at it, Notice what's happening in your body. Are you holding your breath now? Very common to hold our breath when we're scared or worried. If you are, Let your breath move again. So inhale, Exhale, Let your breath move. When we are afraid of something, We often Tense our shoulders, We brace ourselves. So if that's the case, Let your shoulders relax, Let your body relax. We can notice what's happening in our body. Maybe we have a surreal clench of fear in our gut or something. So we can work with the sensations as well. And the sensations make the thoughts feel more real. And the more real the thoughts feel, The more intense the sensations are often. So we can separate these two elements. If it's a sensation that you're working with, How would you describe the sensation? Is it roiling about in your belly? Is it like a really black hole, But it's still? Does it feel like it's going to swallow you up? Is it moving? What are the qualities of the sensation? Does it have a color and shape? Sometimes we have an image. If we're protecting ourselves, We might have like a steel plate. We're armored up because we don't want to be hurt. So notice what are the sensations in your body and pick the one that's the most intense. And now notice the space around the sensation as well. So we've described it. We notice where it is. If it's in your chest, If you have a sense of something in your chest, Does it go all the way into your elbows? Where does it stop? Most sensations are not our whole body. Some are, But mostly not. Notice the space on the outside of the sensation where you're not feeling that. And now we're gonna look back up at the picture on the other side of the room. What does that image look like to you now? Is it about the same intensity as before? Is it a bit different? We're noticing the colors and shapes that make up the image. We're noticing the frame on the outside. Now take your eyes around the empty space. Literally let your eyes roll around that empty space on the outside of the frame. Do it two or three times in one direction, Two or three times in the other direction. And then when you finish, Look back into the frame and notice the picture again. Is it about the same? Has it changed? Sometimes the picture will disappear. Often it will just get less vibrant. It doesn't have the power that it did before. Pause that for a moment now and do a couple of minutes of cyclic sighing. So cyclic physiological sighing is deep double inhale through the nose and then a long slow exhale like you're breathing out through a straw. Inhale. Again. Long, Slow exhale through your mouth. As you're breathing out, Soften your neck, Your shoulders, Your mouth and jaw. Your whole body softens. Let yourself notice how you feel now. Don't shame yourself for worrying. This is just something that happens. Try to be patient, Try to remember, Try to watch and see. Right now I can feel I'm getting into that. These are a couple of things that I can do.