Forgiveness And Boundaries- May 30

Forgiveness doesn't mean allowing others to treat you badly. In this track of 5 Minutes in Nature, Liz continues her exploration of forgiveness and looks at the side of it we don't always talk about. Letting go of anger and resentment is a healthy and important step — but it walks hand in hand with knowing your own boundaries. This is a gentle but honest reflection for anyone navigating the more complicated terrain of forgiveness.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to five minutes in nature with me Liz Scott sheltering beside a little hillock. In fact it's like in a little gully on Dartmoor because it's such a blustery cold day and I'm looking up with concerned eyes to the grey clouds that are scudding across the sky. Rain looks like it's imminent and I'm really hoping I can get home without getting too wet and I'm following on from yesterday's conversation that we had about forgiveness. It's actually been really helpful for me to reflect on this as I talk to you because forgiveness in a way it's one of these words that I bandy around without really thinking well what is it like what is forgiveness and this has really helped me reflect on what forgiveness feels like for me and how the inside-out understanding really supports me in moving into a place of forgiveness because forgiveness or when you don't forgive someone it's because you're holding on to anger resentment a feeling of injustice resentment that somebody has behaved in a certain way and it's like you just can't let go of it. For me with the inside-out understanding and what I was sharing yesterday is that in understanding that maybe someone just believed their thinking in the moment and they behaved in a bad way or just that realization not to fuel my feelings of agitation or frustration or anger and probably the most important of all is that realization that I am peace clarity love I am that at my core like that I am the energy of life taking form and when I realize that the sense of anger and resentment dissolves of its own accord and I want to also bring up today because it feels really important just to sort of say what forgiveness is not so forgiveness I guess is the letting go of that anger or resentment or maybe for me a better way of putting it is just seeing through it of of allowing the flare-up of the emotions to die down naturally understanding that is the dynamic of what is going on and not not blowing on the flames or holding on to the anger and resentment any more than I need to but to be really clear with you I think it's important also to underline that that doesn't mean that forgiveness is giving someone carte blanche to behave in appropriately towards you that's not what I'm talking about here so forgiveness is not about condoning behavior it's not about saying okay you know they were just doing what they believe to be right in the moment so I am you know that's okay it's not okay there is behavior that is not okay so it's not about saying that the behavior that they were partook in was right no that's not what we're saying and it's not about forgetting it's not about pretending something didn't happen it's not about burying something this is about being really clear that something happened it was the wrong thing if somebody behaved in a in a manner that wasn't very kind or thoughtful but that doesn't mean when you forgive someone that you forget it you can still remember what happened without that sense of vengeance and anger accompanying the memory so it's not about condoning and it's not about forgetting and absolutely it's not about meaning that you've got to stay in a relationship where maybe someone is being cruel or manipulative or unkind forgiven you can forgive someone absolutely forgive someone and move away from that relationship this is not about being in an unhealthy space so I want you to be really clear that forgiveness whilst you might let go of the anger and resent and resentment it doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship with someone where you don't feel that you are being respected or honored in the right kind of way forgiveness doesn't mean that suddenly you don't have any boundaries I really don't mean that and I think ultimately it goes back to what I was saying yesterday which is probably the one key simplest thing that I remember around forgiveness and that is the remembering of who I truly am because I find when I am grounded in who I am when I feel the sense of who I truly am I am naturally have boundaries I naturally look for fairness and justice I don't condone what is wrong I know what is right and I stand in that in a grounded way so ultimately looking back to who I truly am is the place to stand when it comes to forgiveness let me know your reflections on this always so good to hear from you and don't forget to join me again tomorrow for another five minutes in nature

Reviews

Very helpful Liz. I have one relationship, now ended, where I struggle with forgiveness all the time. Don’t condone, don’t forget, but forgive.🙏🏻♥️