Open Your Heart: Guided Tonglen Meditation

Open your heart with Tonglen—the Tibetan Buddhist practice of giving and receiving. This guided meditation, fully described at the start of the video, helps you breathe in the pain of others and breathe out relief and compassion. Transform personal suffering into connection, dissolve fear, and cultivate boundless love for yourself and all beings. Whether you’re healing or wanting to serve the world, this practice changes everything.

Transcript

Today we're going to talk a little bit about compassion and then we're going to do the Tonglen meditation practice. So over the years I've spent many of these sessions talking about compassion. Compassion is just not something that we should be aware of. It's something that we actually have to do. It is so important to have compassion. Without compassion nothing else will fall into place. If you want to, You know, Have a more peaceful life it can't happen without compassion. If you want to become awakened without compassion it's not possible. If you want to, You know, Be the best possible version of yourself without compassion that cannot happen. It doesn't matter if, You know, You spend all your time, You fully understand the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path or all the other teachings we've been going through recently, The Five Precepts, The Eight Worldly Concerns, The Three Poisons, All of this wisdom is nothing without compassion. We say that Buddhism is a bird and one of the wings is compassion and the other wing is wisdom. That bird cannot fly without both of those wings. If you have the wisdom but no compassion you're not going to fly. Or if you're a real compassionate person but you don't have the wisdom, Again the bird won't fly. So compassion is hugely important. We have to understand the wisdom side of Buddhism and implement that, Our values and our ethics. Most definitely we need that. But without compassion that is not enough. You can do as much meditation as you like. If there is no compassion then that meditation is not going to get the full result that you want. So compassion is hugely important. So we need to understand that the reason that I do talk a lot about compassion and Buddhism speaks a lot about compassion is because it is essential for us, Not just as Buddhists but as human beings. So I believe that compassion is one of our instincts. So we are born. When we're born we don't have any concepts or biases or discriminations, Perceptions. But we do have these survival instincts. And I believe that compassion is one of those survival instincts. Because without compassion we cannot have humanity. We cannot feel that we're connected to other people. It is compassion that joins us together. It is compassion that helps us to understand that interconnectedness of life. So I believe that compassion is there as an instinct. Because you know we're all social animals. We know that. We can't spend the whole of our life without other people. We need other people. So that instinct for survival, Compassion is there. But just because it's there it doesn't mean that we're going to use it or we tap into it. And a lot of the time now we use this compassion as some sort of discrimination. We meter out our compassion for the people we care about and we love and we have no compassion for other people. Or we have no compassion for people who don't act or think the same way as us. That's the way that unfortunately compassion is being used these days. We have to get back to the real focus and real reason of compassion. And the real focus and reason of compassion is that we are all human beings. We are all connected and we all deserve compassion. Compassion isn't about behavior. I've spoken about this many times because this is how we use compassion. We use it about behavior. People act in a certain way and we like that way. We'll give them compassion. Other people act in different ways. We don't like that so they don't get our compassion. Compassion isn't about behavior. It's about human beings. This is something that you really, Really need to spend time meditating on, Reflecting on, Focusing on. So then you fully understand that everybody deserves compassion. So remember compassion isn't just about having empathy. I mean empathy is in. . . When we look at compassion, Empathy is in compassion. Sympathy is in compassion. So they're all within this umbrella of compassion. But it can't just be that we have this sensitivity to other people's suffering. We see this other people's suffering. We now have to see that suffering and then we have to try to do something about it. Now of course if we see the suffering of the people in Gaza, I mean we can't actually do something about that. But we need to have compassion for these people. So compassion shouldn't just be a noun. It should be a verb. It should be something that we do as much as we can within our life. So we can't do everything. We all have limitations and we have to understand those limitations. But if we can see people as human beings, Then we can't discriminate against them. We couldn't kill these people. We couldn't harm these people. We can only kill and harm and have enemies and dislike people because we don't see them as human beings. We see them as something different to us. So if you want to have true compassion, We have to start to see people as human beings. It's not an easy task for us now because we've been brought up to discriminate. We've been brought up to judge and to criticize. That is how we've been brought up by our parents, By society, Even by religions. Religions who are supposed to be there to join us together are actually pulling us apart. You know, I'm Hindu and you're Muslim or I'm Buddhist and you're Christian. No. These are just added-on things. We are human beings at our core. I think I've said this before that when we see a dog, We say, Oh that is a dog. We see that as a dog. We don't see that it's a little dog or it's big or it's brown or it's black or it's white. All of them, Whatever color, Whatever shape, Whatever size, Whatever gender, We see dog. When we see people, We see black, We see white, We see tall, We see short, We see man, We see woman. We don't see human. And that is exactly how we have to see people if we want to build true compassion. They are not black, They are not white, They are not British or American or Indian. They are human. That is what they are at their cure, At their core. Everything else has been added on. So you need to reflect really, Really carefully on that point because if you can start to see people as humans, Then true compassion will come. And if true compassion comes, Not only will you benefit, But other people will benefit. Not only will you reduce your suffering, Other people's suffering will reduce. So the connection between the wisdom and the compassion is that we have to make sure that that compassion we have is wise compassion. It is of no benefit. If you see somebody on the street and they are alcoholic and you give them money, You think, Oh I have compassion, I'll give them money. They're just going to take that money, Buy more alcohol and it will make their life worse. So there is a wisdom side, There is a sensitive and a more conscious side of compassion. Instead of giving money to these people who are, You know, Having this alcohol or drug abuse, Then if you give them money you're just impounding, You're just making it worse. So give it to a charity that looks after people who have drug and alcohol abuse. So we have to be sensible with our compassion and of course we also have to survive. So having compassion doesn't mean that we have to give everything away, But it does mean that where we can help, We must help. Turn that compassion into a verb. But wherever, If we can't help, At least we can't, We shouldn't harm people. And we should start to try to see people as human beings. So the Tonglen practice that we're going to do, We're going to take on other people's suffering. That's part of this meditation practice. So for some people it can be a really hard practice because we're not just going to look at this person, Think about this person, Have compassion for this person. We're going to look at this person, See their suffering, And we're going to breathe that suffering in. We're going to take that suffering in. Usually we would run away, We would turn away, We would most definitely have sympathy for people and maybe even empathy for people who have cancer, But we wouldn't try to take it on board. With this Tonglen practice we are going to take on other people's suffering, Their sickness. So why do we do that? We do that not because we want to make ourselves ill, And remember that if we see, We think of somebody who has cancer and we take on, We breathe in that cancer, It doesn't mean we're going to get cancer. It just means that we have a stronger compassionate bond. This is such a powerful meditation, But don't worry about breathing in. You're not going to take, Actually physically take, On other people's suffering, But you are going to break down that barrier, That barrier that we have. We have the sympathy for this person, But we try to pull ourselves away from their suffering. We're not, We're going to step into their suffering. At the end of this practice we do a purification, So everything that we've taken on board, All that suffering we've taken on board, We will purify it, We will send it out. So what we do is we breathe in their suffering as a form of black smoke, And as we breathe out, We breathe out white smoke of compassion. So we're taking in their suffering through the smoke, The black smoke, And we're breathing out the white smoke and sending it to them. So we're taking their suffering and giving our compassion. At the end, We will do a purification and we'll breathe out all of that black smoke and we'll breathe in the white smoke of purification. So our whole body will be purified. So don't think that I can't do this because I'm scared of taking on. We're not physically doing it. What we're doing is it's a mental exercise. It's breaking down those barriers. If you can do it, It is such a powerful meditation. So don't worry about, You know, Catching anything. Just try your best to really take on their suffering and just understand and feel what is it like to really take on their suffering. So let's just sit nice and comfortable now and lightly close your eyes. And just to settle yourself down for a moment, Just focus on your breath again. And each time you exhale, Just allow yourself to relax. And as you're focusing on your breath, I'll just introduce this meditation to you. So negative thinking causes us to make really poor choices. So by doing this meditation, You start to let go of negativity. You open up your heart and start developing critical thinking that's going to lead you to make more wise choices. And also the meditation helps you deal with difficult people, Stressful situations. You'll be replacing negativity with compassion and wisdom, Which is going to help heal yourself and heal all other human beings. So we start the meditation with focusing on ourselves. And then we move on to somebody we care about, Then a neutral or a stranger, Then someone that we dislike or we're having problems with. And then finally, All humans in the world. So let's begin with ourselves. So now as you breathe in, I want you to focus on some negative emotion that you've had recently. So maybe desire, Anger, Attachment, Jealousy, Confusion, Or any other negative emotion. Just allow one of those negative emotions to rise to the surface. And on your out breath, Just breathe out that negativity and fill the empty space with compassion for yourself. So you're breathing in your negativity and then breathe it back out. And just fill that empty space that the negativity leaves with heartfelt compassion for yourself. And keep doing that practice for a moment. Continue to breathe in your negative thinking. Breathe it back out again and fill the void of compassion. And appreciate that you want to be happy, You want to have a peaceful mind but your negative thinking is causing you to make poor choices that are leading to more suffering in your life. So by letting go of negative thinking and developing compassion towards yourself, You're going to free yourself to make much wiser choices and become more peaceful and happy. Your negative thinking closes your heart, Upsets the balance in your life, And leads to illness and suffering. But compassion opens your heart, It brings back balance and it helps promote health and happiness. So remember, You deserve compassion just as much as everybody else. So when you're dishing out compassion, Don't forget yourself. Now turn your attention to someone you love, Someone you really care about. Just bring that person into the forefront of your mind. And try to recall a time that this loved one has suffered or maybe they're suffering now. Remember suffering can be physical, Can be emotional, Psychological. So now I want you to breathe in that suffering. As a form of black smoke. And breathe out your heartfelt compassion to this person as a form of white smoke. So continue to breathe in the black smoke of their suffering. Just imagine that you're taking the suffering away from this person. And you're breathing out that white smoke of compassion. And appreciate that your loved one wants to be happy and have a peaceful mind, But they're suffering instead. So fully open your heart to your loved one. Take on their suffering. Give them your heartfelt compassion. So now I want you to think about a neutral person, A stranger. Someone about you know nothing about. It might be a neighbor, Might be someone you see on the street most days. Shop assistant, Whoever it is. Just bring that person into the front of your mind. Remember we all suffer in life. So think about how this person may have suffered through sickness or through poor choices they've made. So just try to think that this stranger has suffered. And then breathe in their suffering in the form of this black smoke. Take away their suffering by breathing it in. And then breathe out your white smoke of compassion and send it directly to this stranger. So continue to breathe in the stranger's suffering. Breathe out sending your compassion to them. And as you're doing this, Appreciate that this stranger like you just wants to be happy and have a peaceful mind. And unfortunately they're suffering. So really open your heart up to this neutral person. So now I want you to think of a person that you're having difficulty with at the moment or somebody or some reason you dislike. Maybe somebody has said something or done something to hurt you at the moment. So bring that type of person to the front of your mind. And again even though you are having difficulties or you dislike this person, This person is a human just like you. They also suffer just like you. So imagine the suffering of this person. And then breathe that suffering in as the form of black smoke. Breathe out your white smoke of compassion and send it directly to this person. And just appreciate that this person like everyone else really wants to be happy and have a peaceful mind. But because of negative thinking, This person makes harmful and negative choices that are going to lead to more suffering. And by having negative thoughts, About this person, You're just increasing that suffering and making the situation worse for them and for you. So develop compassion for this person. So you can think clearly about how to deal with them and deal with them in a way that brings about good consequences, A compassionate way. So fully open your heart to this person even though you're having difficulties with them. And now I want you to think about the whole world and all of the suffering that's going on in the world. And breathe in all of that suffering of the world in the black smoke and send out your white smoke of compassion. Breathe in the sadness, The poverty, The sickness, The intolerance, Loneliness, And all the other negativity in the world. And breathe out your heartfelt compassion. Try to send out as much compassion as you have in the form of white smoke and help to heal the world. Remember everyone in the world wants to be happy and have a good life and a peaceful mind. But too often they make unwise choices that's going to lead to suffering. Or maybe other people or governments make unwise choices and these people end up suffering. So appreciate by developing universal compassion you can help to relieve this suffering. So truly open your heart to the world, Breathing all of their suffering and send out your heartfelt compassion. Just think about how lucky we are today to be able to sit here and do a meditation practice. There are many people suffering in the world at the moment. So breathe in their suffering and really breathe out your compassion. So now let's finish this practice by doing a purification. So I want you to visualize the suffering that you've breathed in as black smoke in your heart center and you need to let go of this black smoke now. So as you breathe out imagine all the black smoke leaving your heart center and then on your in-breath breathe in the pure white smoke of compassion. So breathe out that black smoke and now fill your body with the white smoke of compassion. And allow this white smoke to fill your heart center and then your whole being with compassion towards yourself and everyone else in the world. So just make sure you're breathing out all of that black smoke, You're just letting all that suffering go and you're filling yourself with the white smoke of compassion. And I want you to just take a moment to reflect on this practice. How did it feel to take on other people's suffering? Has it helped you to open up your heart? Have you learned anything new about yourself during this practice? So now just slowly start to open your eyes. And just gently introduce yourself back into your room. This practice is good if you can do it on a regular basis and keep thinking about different people when you do the practice. The more you do this practice the more that you become compassionate.