When Love Feels Like Something To Earn | Selfgentle 35

This episode is part of the Two Minutes of Self-gentleness with Femke series. Be helpful, be easy, ask for very little, and people stay. This episode sits with the arithmetic of earned love and the fear underneath it, that without the giving there would be nothing left worth staying for. It puts that belief beside how you actually love other people. If you would like to explore self-gentleness more deeply, you can find Femke's Self-gentleness courses on Insight Timer. You are also warmly invited to join Femke's Self-gentleness Hour, a free live session on Insight Timer every second Friday of every month.

Transcript

Welcome to Two Minutes of Self-Gentleness with Femke. You are useful, So you are loved. That's the arithmetic you've been running since you were small. Be helpful. Be easy. Be the one who does not ask for much. And then people stay. And people stay? Which is exactly the problem. Because now you cannot tell whether they stayed for you? Or for what you did for them. Underneath. There is fear that you might never say out loud. That if you stopped giving, There would be nothing left worth staying for. Think of someone you love. You do not love them for what they produce or give. You love them because they are them? Also when they're tired. Also on the day they give you nothing at all. So the exception you keep making for yourself. Is not a rule. It's just something old. I want you to know. That you never have to earn love. Let's affirm this together. I do not have to earn what I need. I am worth staying for, On the days I have nothing to give. Love is not a payment for being useful. I can receive without balancing the books. I can stop auditioning for a place that is already mine. I am the most important person to consistently deserve my own gentleness. Alright darling, Come back to this whenever you need it. And I'm sending you all my love.

Reviews

Such a wonderful theory, tested and found to fail over and over, wish it was true