How to Access Your Binary Inner Guidance System

This is a special episode. Imagine you had the answer to any question you want: "What is best for me to eat? Should I date this person? Should I have kids?" Imagine all you needed to do was ask and the answer - the right answer - would appear in front of you. Every. Single. Time.

What would that be worth to you?

Every person has this system inside them. All you need to do is learn to access it. In today's episode - for no cost, no hook, no obligation - Dominey teaches you how to do just that.

Transcript

Hello everyone and welcome to the Art of Attraction with Domini Drew.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

I have a very special episode for you today.

I'm actually really excited to present this to you.

This is,

Today I'm going to spend the entire episode talking about this inner guidance system that you have,

That every person has,

That we just don't know how to identify and access.

I want to teach you both of those things because this inner guidance system is so extraordinary.

It is infallible.

It is binary.

It's either a yes or a no in your system.

You'll know before the end of this episode today how to identify the yes and the no,

How to get out of your own way and be able to recognize the answers.

This system is absolutely revolutionary.

I've been really excited about presenting this on a large scale.

I'm putting it out here first.

You guys,

As my faithful listeners,

Get to share in this before really anybody else does.

I'm really excited to present that today.

My name is Domini Drew.

This is the Art of Attraction.

I'm a coach.

I,

In the past,

Have really specialized in working with men and relationships.

Now,

While I still have a program called The Art of Attraction,

It is an eight-week program that helps guys see exactly what it is that's keeping them from attracting the life partner that they want,

Whether that's because they're afraid to approach or they have negative relationship patterns that keep repeating and they don't know why,

Or they're doing everything right and they're not getting the results and they don't know why that's happening.

So whatever it is that's keeping you single,

This program takes you through,

Shows you exactly.

It's a live coaching program,

So it's live coaching with me every week.

And you get to see what it specifically what it is that you're doing that's keeping you single and step by step what you need to do to fix it.

Now,

I also have an Art of Attraction for women.

Same exact program,

Same exact coaching.

So it's weekly,

Every week coaching.

And again,

That's also eight weeks.

And so the work here is really about,

You know,

My programs are starting to expand,

Not that the work is particularly changing because when,

For example,

A guy comes to me and says,

Man,

I don't I just always seem to attract the wrong women,

Right?

I seem to get in a relationship with the wrong women.

That's an underlying pattern in his psyche,

Right?

It doesn't actually have anything to do with dating.

It'll have to do with self-worth or trust or let's see,

What's the example that I that I gave?

He's always attracting the wrong women.

Being a doormat,

Right?

The nice guy syndrome will tend to attract women who sort of walk all over them,

Right?

Because they're distorting that nice guy,

You know,

Their natural and authentic kindness,

Which is a wonderful quality.

They're distorting that because it's easier to sort of be nice to shrink away when the correct response is to stand in your power.

Right.

And that that personality type is naturally nice and kind won't be as inclined to step into their power.

And so they don't when necessary.

And so they tend to get walked over.

OK,

So that's that's sort of one example.

And so the work is really about those deeper levels in which we we really hold ourselves back from what we want.

Right.

And so this work and so when I'm what I'm really just doing is shifting the marketing,

Shifting my target demographic.

This is about self-sabotage.

This is about.

The deeper relationship with yourself and how that manifests into the broader world.

OK,

How it manifests,

Why you're getting what you're getting.

Right.

So today,

This topic is one that I am incredibly excited about because it really underlies everything.

If you can if you can master this skill,

Then you you have you have access inside yourself,

An incredibly powerful tool that you can then use in every area of your life.

OK,

And I'm going to talk a whole lot more about that today.

So today is a call in show and I really highly recommend that you guys call in.

So I'm going to offer I'm going to suggest multiple times and invite multiple times throughout this episode for you guys to call in.

OK,

And that number is 828-333-4686.

OK,

Still a little snuffly.

I've been sick for the last couple of weeks.

So sorry about that ahead of time.

So again,

That's 828-333-4686.

And this is a great day to call in and ask questions because this inner guidance system that I'm going to introduce you to is absolutely revolutionary.

It's going to change your whole view on how you make decisions,

Which direction you need to go when it can help you answer everything from,

You know,

Who do I marry,

What relationship should I be in to,

You know,

Where I go to college,

What job do I need to go next,

What location do I need to live in next,

All the way to,

You know,

What do I need to eat today?

Right.

I use this process as a guidance just to tell me what to eat.

I'm not into nutrition.

I'm not one of those people.

I don't care.

I don't want to think about it.

If I could never eat again,

I probably would.

Not that I don't like food.

It's just not a major importance to me,

You know.

However,

Obviously I need to be healthy and I need to be,

That's not obvious,

But it's important to me,

And I need to take care of myself.

And so I go,

Okay,

Well,

You know,

I don't want a degree in nutrition.

How do I figure out what to eat?

Right.

So I use this process.

Right.

I check into my body and I see what the answer is and I take that option.

So it's really incredibly powerfully useful,

This system.

I'm actually in the process of forming into a TED Talk and applying to TED Talks around the country with this idea because it's really quite revolutionary and I think it's absolutely an idea worth spreading.

So hopefully you'll see it in that realm soon.

And so this is something that,

Again,

I haven't really presented a whole lot about.

It's something that's come to me over the last few years.

Most of the work I teach was taught to me in one form or another.

You may know a little bit about my background if you are a regular on the show,

But I've been in the personal development world intensively for 16,

17 years now.

And I started quite young and it's formed me quite powerfully.

I'm really a pretty profound 180 from when I started this work.

Now,

The work itself is incredibly powerful.

And I went to two intensive four-year schools and I did a master's degree and I really trained.

I did nonviolent communication and I did dowsing and I did applied kinesiology and I did,

You know,

My master's was in transpersonal psychology.

Like I've done all the things,

You know,

I've done shamanism and the more Christian approach,

The Quaker approach.

I've really studied a lot of different angles of this work.

And a lot of what I teach is just it's just it's an amalgamation of all those things that I have gone through and learned.

This piece is not.

This piece I came up with.

I realized it in,

You know,

As I practiced with my clients,

As,

You know,

Men came to me and women have been coming to me to help them see themselves,

Become more authentic and become and come into balance with themselves and shift their focus,

You know,

Find out where they're distorting.

You know,

Like trying to get these jobs and they keep not working.

Are you going for the wrong job?

Do you need to not have a job?

Are you applying for the wrong ones?

These are jobs you think you should have,

But really you want to do something else.

There is something that is causing that to happen right over and over again.

You just look at it as,

Oh,

I guess it's just chance.

We all look at life like it's just chance and it's never chance.

I can just tell you that right up.

You know,

Life will still happen.

Yes,

Of course.

But 90 percent of your experience is how you react to it,

Not actually what happens.

So you change that and all of a sudden your whole life is really quite a bit different.

So I've had this idea for the last couple of years,

And essentially what it comes down to is an internal guidance system.

Right.

That's sort of the best.

I'm still kind of trying to figure out words that that describe it the best.

But essentially it's an on-off switch that you have that each person has inside themselves.

And if you learn how to identify and access it,

Then you can literally have the right answer for you to any question whatsoever.

Okay.

And it almost it's like a true north.

Right.

Your personal true north.

So if you go,

Oh,

Should I eat less potatoes,

Then a nutritionist is going to say a nutritionist knows about potatoes.

A nutritionist knows about the human body.

They know a little bit about your human body,

But not a whole lot.

And based on all of that knowledge,

All of those thoughts,

They will tell you whether or not they think you should have more or less potatoes.

Now,

That might solve the problem some portion of the time.

But what if your particular body,

Let's say you're trying to lose weight and you know in your brain,

Okay,

Potatoes are going to make me gain weight,

So I'll stop eating potatoes.

But that may not be the problem.

Right.

Your system will know whether or not it wants potatoes.

It will know because it either does or it doesn't.

And you're asking the source directly.

So what this is,

Is the way you identify it is you can sit with both scenarios.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm never going to have potatoes ever again.

This is more for decisions,

Actually.

Hold on.

Let me back up a little bit.

So this is more like if you want to,

You know,

You're going to college and or you're going for a job and you're like,

I'm not sure which job to take.

So I have two offers and I don't know which one's best for me to do.

And your head's like,

Oh,

This one's in Cincinnati and Cincinnati is stupid.

And this one's in California and California is cool.

And there are thoughts you have around the decision.

But those are just pieces of information.

Right.

You don't know whether on a cosmic level,

Your next step is to be in Cincinnati or California.

Right.

So what you do is you put in one option.

Okay.

That's it.

Go into California.

Done.

I'm doing it.

How does your body feel?

Okay.

Put yourself in the scenario.

Pick one.

Doesn't matter.

You're going to do it both ways.

Pick one.

Land on it.

Decide it's happening.

And you have to really decide.

You can't be like,

Okay,

I'm going to pretend I'm going to California.

No,

You go.

You're deciding.

You're about to go pack your bags,

Go to California.

Okay.

And then see what your body does as a reaction.

Notice it.

Just notice it.

You might,

Um,

You might not feel anything.

Right.

You might feel like a,

Oh,

Phew.

You might feel like a,

Oh,

That's really exciting.

You might feel,

Um,

Uh,

This weight.

Okay.

Don't interpret it.

Just notice it.

Write it down if you need to.

Then switch it up.

Now you're going to Cincinnati.

Okay.

The job is chosen.

You're going to,

You're,

You're,

You're going,

It's set.

Um,

Okay.

Now,

How does your body feel?

And the,

The right answer for you will be a kind of lighting up.

Okay.

If you go to one,

One apple or a carrot right now,

One will feel lighter.

This lighting up feeling is your binary inner guidance system.

Okay.

One thing will cause you to feel lit up.

Yes.

I get to do that.

Now,

The reason why people don't,

Uh,

Actually we'll come to that in just a minute.

So one thing will light you up.

This is it.

It is either a yes or a no more specifically.

It's either a yes or it's anything else.

So if you think California and you're like,

Oh,

I feel weight with California,

But you know,

It's,

It's sunny here and my girlfriend's out there.

Nope.

That's it.

Not an inner light.

There are no words with this light.

There's no,

Uh,

Real feeling.

There may be a little bit of emotion,

But it's not really about that.

It's a lighting up of,

Of,

Um,

Excitement.

When I say it's not emotion,

I mean,

It's not like a complex,

Like,

Well,

I kind of feel,

Nope.

I'm gonna stop you right there.

That's a no.

Okay.

When you present your system with a thing,

It will either say yes and light up.

Yes.

Or you'll either think about it or you'll be like,

But my mom's that,

You know,

My mom's here and I really should care for my mom.

Nope.

You're in your head.

I'm not saying you need to do all of the things that light you up,

But you,

You can know that that is your path.

When it lights up,

When your system lights up,

That is yes from your system.

It is never wrong.

It is never wrong.

Now you may misinterpret it.

You may convince yourself that you're excited to go to California because you know,

You love the idea of California,

Right?

It may not be the right choice for you.

Right?

And this is the only time on this show that you'll hear me use words like right for you versus wrong for you.

Generally right and wrong are not where I go.

Because for the most part,

They're subjective and they don't actually exist.

That being said,

This is your right and wrong.

So this is actually the one place where I can use those words.

Right?

So this is your system.

This is right for you right now.

That's what it is.

That's this piece of information.

That's it.

What should I do?

Should I go to grad school or should I get a job?

Boy,

When I think of grad school,

I just,

Oh man,

I can't wait to do it.

And you're excited.

And you're,

I guess I really should get a job though.

Cause there's money.

See how my system just went down a little bit.

You can hear it in my voice.

Well,

I guess I should there.

You're shitting yourself.

Go see episode three on don't shed yourself.

Okay.

This is effortless.

It's instantaneous and it's infallible.

Okay.

Cause it's your own system.

Yes,

It can be misinterpreted.

We'll get that to be to that in a moment,

But I just want you to understand the nature of this particular guidance system.

It is literally perfect.

It is,

There's there,

It is,

It is the,

The,

The,

This on office binary,

You know,

It's,

There,

It isn't,

Um,

System that just can't fail you.

Okay.

Now why don't people use this all the time?

How is this news?

Why does,

Why isn't this widespread?

And it's a thing.

Well,

First of all,

We tend not to be grounded in our bodies.

And again,

If you have questions about this,

I really encourage you to call in.

So eight two eight three three three four six eight six.

Give me a call.

If there's anything that you're wondering about and you want to know how to use it,

I will walk you through on the phone if you like and,

Um,

And show you,

Cause this is absolutely magical.

Okay.

So,

Um,

Let me just recenter here.

So this tends to be misinterpreted by people because they get in their head.

All right.

This is very important because if you've looked for this,

If you've never noticed this light before and you can be like,

How has this light always been here?

And I didn't know.

It's not because it hasn't been there.

It's because you've been blocking it.

Right.

There's a lot of shit that's out there that you block,

Right?

Um,

Some people can see energy everywhere.

That energy is there,

But most people can't see it.

That doesn't mean it's not there.

That means you're not seeing it.

I know because anybody who wants to learn to see it or perceive it,

Not everybody sees,

But you know,

Can feel it,

Can perceive it with your,

One of your five senses can learn to do so.

That's a measurable and repeatable skill.

Okay.

It's not a gift.

It's not magic.

It's magical,

But it's not magic.

Um,

It's there all around us.

So once you learn to perceive it,

You know,

When people say things like,

Oh my God,

That,

You know,

I believe in energy,

It's like,

That makes no sense to me.

Energy is just there.

Once it,

Once it's in your life,

Once you've,

Once you're,

You've tuned into the more subtle,

More subtle vibrations,

Right?

The more subtle elements of life,

You see it everywhere.

So it's not a,

It's not a mystery.

It's something you learn to see.

That being said,

If you decide it's not there and you close your eyes,

You won't see it.

Right.

So,

So people tend to override this inner light.

They don't understand how valuable it is,

But it's incredibly valuable.

Why is it incredibly valuable?

Why does it work in the first place?

Let me tell you,

It works in the first place because your natural state is joy.

Humans are meant to lead joyful lives.

You don't have to.

You have free will,

But you are meant to,

You are able to.

It's the type of thing where right now you would say,

Some people might say you deserve to.

I don't really like that word.

I think it feeds entitlement and we all go,

I deserve this.

And it's like,

Based on what?

You know,

It sort of enters into a template that's irrelevant.

Right?

So it's,

It's not so much about what you deserve that that's,

You deserve according to whom,

Right?

The Christian God that we now interpret in this particular way in this moment.

Some huge outer being that's judging you.

No,

That's not a thing.

Let it go.

Instead,

This is,

This is your natural state,

Right?

To be lit up with joy,

With effortless joy is your natural state.

If you are not lit up with effortless joy every moment of every day,

Then there's work that can be done.

Okay.

This guidance system leads you to your inner joy.

It gives you the step that you need to take next in order to be most aligned with who you are.

How does it do that?

Because you check in and you go,

What lights me up?

And one thing will light you up and that's your system saying,

Go there,

Do that.

Okay.

That is it showing because that's your natural state,

Right?

Your mentally joyful lives.

So what is the thing that brings you back to joy?

Oh,

That thing.

It lights me up.

Great.

That is the thing that is best for you right now.

Okay.

It doesn't obey social norms.

It doesn't obey the shoulds you have in your head.

It doesn't align necessarily with who you think you are.

It also may not align,

Align with who other people think you are,

But it will absolutely 100% without a doubt,

Infallibly align with who you actually are.

So you can start to see how this may be a begin to create resistance,

Right?

Oh,

What do you mean?

I need to,

You know,

The idea of a music career lights me up.

I'm not a music career.

I'm an accountant.

Well,

You're certainly schooled in accounting.

Honestly,

If you're skilled in accounting and you have a desire to become a musician,

You're probably going to be a really successful musician because you've already got the left brain part of things that most musicians lack.

So like,

Really,

That's actually a pretty good setup,

Right?

That's irrelevant.

I'm just following the natural conclusion of a ridiculous example.

But this process of finding this inner guidance is,

Once you're in touch with it,

You can ask it everything.

So the reason it's also effective with food is I'm looking down a menu and one thing will light me up.

Okay,

So I got a burger and an egg salad and a chicken salad sandwich and a salad with something on it,

You know,

And one thing lights me up.

Oh my God,

Kale Caesar.

Done.

That's it.

And my system will go,

Yay.

And I recognize that as a yes.

And if I eat only things or even mostly things.

This isn't like,

You know,

But if I eat only,

You know,

As much as possible,

I probably eat 90% of things that light me up.

It's really just what you want,

Right?

It's what your body wants.

And so I do that and I'm always kept in balance physically.

Not because I have a nutrition degree.

I don't.

Not because I'm particularly interested in nutrition or I study it.

I'm not and I haven't.

Couldn't care less.

That being said,

I'm interested in what lights me up and by following that,

I am naturally kept at the place where my body is in balance,

Right?

Cause that's my natural state and what's lighting me up in that moment is this is what your body needs,

Which means that's what it needs to stay in balance in its natural state.

Is that making sense?

If you guys have questions or you have questions on Facebook live,

Either call in or send me a note there and I will answer your question live as it comes to me.

Okay.

So if you're following the numbers 828-333-4686,

Please feel free to call in.

So the main reason we don't listen to this or we are out,

We're disconnected from it is a,

We tend to dismiss what happens in our bodies and we go more with the logic of what happens in our head.

That's kind of the,

It's partially a lot,

Partially a lot.

It is partially a lot.

The society that we live in,

The emphasis tends to be quite mental.

And it's also easier because we go into our head to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

Right?

Yes.

So Frank,

Hi Frank on Facebook live says,

In other words,

If it's not a hell yes,

It's a hell no.

Exactly.

It's a hell yes or anything else.

And I say anything else because when a no comes,

A no can often have a lot of reasons with it.

I should go to Cincinnati though,

Because you know,

I do better in the winter and my auntie's near there and there's reasons,

Right?

And you'll be like,

No,

Or this really good,

Let's say a really good college accepted you in Cincinnati.

Personally I could not live in Cincinnati.

That would not work for me.

And but you know,

Let's say some amazing university in Cincinnati accepts you or sort of a mediocre university accepts you somewhere else.

Well,

Which one lights you up?

Because that will go past all logic.

It will go past all the shoulds,

All the,

All of the,

The,

The extremely subtle elements of who you think you are will be collapsed.

They are bypassed by this system.

So there's never any more,

Any confusion around who you are and what you want.

Does that make sense?

There's no uncertainty anymore.

You will know that lights me up or that doesn't.

Okay.

Now,

Other ways that things can get in the way or this can,

Your answers can be clouded.

Throughout our lives,

We have traumas and woundings,

Right?

And as we grow,

We tend to develop systems that compensate for those traumas and woundings,

Right?

We have a fear of being seen and so we tend to hide.

And so then people tend to overlook us and then we take that personally and we think it's about us.

And now,

You know,

We have low self esteem all because we're actually just afraid for people to see us.

Okay.

So there's a whole like string of things and one thing leads to another and it's distortion on top of distortion on top of distortion.

Okay.

None of those things are accurate because it's all built on a misconception,

Which is,

Um,

What did I just say?

Um,

I don't want to be seen.

The distortion would be because I don't want to be seen is a reaction to something is I don't want to be seen because if I'm seen,

Then blank.

And we'll say in this example,

Um,

I'll be killed or I'll be rejected.

If they see who I am,

I'll be rejected.

Right?

So I'd rather just not be seen.

So that person hides.

Yeah.

So then it comes to,

You know,

You can feel that's unsafe.

And so then it comes to,

Okay,

I don't want to be seen,

But I don't want to be seen is actually not accurate.

The accurate thing is if I'm,

I believe fully that if I'm seen,

I will get rejected.

And that's a scary life or death thing.

Especially when you're a kid,

If you were,

If a kid gets rejected,

They will die.

Right.

And so they carry that.

And then all these little compensations happen.

So yes,

It does take a kind of clearing out of your field a little bit.

Okay.

You need to kind of align with who you are.

You need to,

Um,

Really kind of open yourself up a little bit.

So it can take a little work to kind of get to it,

Or it could work throughout all those things.

Okay.

You don't need to not have any distortions for this to work.

That would be virtually impossible.

Okay.

Handful of people on the planet have no distortion really.

Um,

So,

So the,

The practice of this is to just stay super open and quiet and just watch your system.

That feels effortless.

So the,

The lighting up is the biggest thing.

And when you clear yourself out,

Um,

The lighting up will be your guide every time it is the light,

The light is either on or it is not on.

Okay.

However,

While you've got distortion in your system,

It may show up as a kind of,

Um,

Release.

Okay.

So let's say you,

You're looking between colleges and you're like,

Oh man,

What do I do?

I really think I should go to Brown,

But,

Um,

You know,

Yale is looking really good.

Not sure,

You know,

But,

But Brown's where I've always wanted to go,

Right?

Here's the,

Here's who I think I am.

I'm someone who goes to Brown.

Right.

Um,

You,

You have that in your head.

Your parents maybe went to Brown or your parents want you to go to Brown or you really are telling yourself you should be more grateful because Brown's an amazing school and you actually get the chance to go.

However it works for you.

Okay.

That's all story.

So there may be a push in your system to go to Brown.

Great.

So then you think about going to Brown.

You're like,

Does that light me up?

Oh,

He has all these reasons why I should go to Brown.

That's not a light by the way.

Those are reasons.

Okay.

Then you consider Yale and your system goes,

Right?

Your system relaxes.

It releases.

That's also a yes.

The yes looks different because you weren't starting from a clear,

Calm,

Hmm.

I wonder where I would like to go to college baseline.

You if,

If,

If there's anything but open space,

When you start like a pressure to do one thing or another,

Then the yes will look like a releasing of that play of that pressure.

Do I want to go to Brown or do I want to go to community college Brown?

Yep.

I feel like I'm going to be valedictorian.

I'm going to have to,

Okay.

Community college,

The breath,

Right?

The relaxation of your body,

The letting go.

When you experience those things,

That is huge.

Okay.

That is your system saying,

Oh,

That's a yes.

Okay.

So it can look like,

Um,

Uh,

A lighting up excitement,

Effortless joy.

It can look like a releasing of tension or relaxation,

A letting go releasing.

It's really releasing.

It's like taking,

You know,

A little,

Um,

Pressure cooker and like taking the lid off and just like,

Right.

Or it can look like a deep breath.

Notice where you breath because that's,

That's also representing that effortlessness and ease.

It can feel effortless or easy.

So one choice may be like,

Oh,

There's all these reasons why this is the better choice,

But another one just feels effortless.

Man,

That was easy.

That would be so easy.

Now I didn't bring this one up first because then you go,

Okay,

Well how do I know it's,

It's effortless as opposed to being lazy?

Right?

Well,

One thing you will want to do.

So,

So a laziness feeling will feel more like a down.

It'll be like,

Um,

Well I could go,

You know,

I want to go to college.

But I'm not gonna,

You know,

I'm not gonna be good at it anyway.

Um,

It's going to be so much work.

I just won't.

Right.

And that's covering up the data because you have beliefs about whether or not you want to go to college,

You know,

Whether or not you want to,

Um,

You know,

How you want to go to college,

That type of thing.

Right.

All right.

So we had a call coming in.

Hello,

This is Dominie Drew.

Hello.

Hey,

Can you hear me?

Yes.

Hi.

Hi.

How are ya?

I'm doing all right.

I'm not going on lately.

Um,

I had a question.

Sure.

Can you tell me your name?

Oh,

This is Frank.

Oh,

Hi Frank.

How are ya?

Hi.

I'm all right.

Good.

Good.

Frank's a beloved client of mine.

Glad to hear from you.

Yeah.

Calling in from Albuquerque,

New Mexico.

Beautiful.

All right.

What can I help you with?

Um,

So I was wondering if this,

Um,

If this inner guidance system,

How it applies in terms of interpersonal relationships with people.

Which I feel like that's a little more complicated than choosing what you're going to eat and which school you're going to go to.

Um,

At least at times.

Um,

You know,

Like I,

For example,

Um,

I've been seeing a few different people living around here and,

Um,

Feel like light at some point and then when I'm pressured,

Then it's,

It goes away and it's complicated and I start thinking about things.

So,

Um,

I don't know what would you advise to do in this sort of situation?

So sometimes she lights you up and sometimes she didn't or she used to light you up and she doesn't anymore?

Right.

She used to and doesn't.

I mean,

It's gotten like,

Um,

The idea of a child came into the discussion and that did not light me up.

Um,

You know,

Um,

I also feel that,

Well,

I guess it's just conditional.

So like if this person were X,

Which is possible,

But not at this moment in time,

Then I would,

You know,

Feel,

I would feel more,

Um,

Attraction or more,

Um,

It would feel more effortless.

Yeah.

So,

Yeah,

No,

Go ahead.

Someone who I feel,

I feel really does light me up.

I don't,

I don't get the same vibe from them back.

And I'm also not sure if it's because I know they're somewhat out of reach.

So I feel like maybe I'm going after something I can't have.

There's a lot of different facets to it.

It's kind of hard to have clarity.

It's hard for me to find clarity in my heart and mind with this subject.

Yeah.

Um,

So really,

Really good question.

Um,

The,

The question becomes the,

The way you use this,

This tool is to narrow down the question.

So initially I would just do,

Um,

The woman who you're currently seeing,

Um,

Just hold her in her awareness.

The,

The trick is as you're,

You're doing this not to get into the thoughts,

Right?

So you sit there and you go,

Okay,

Into the thoughts,

Right?

Because you've,

You know,

You're in the situation,

So you've analyzed it a lot.

You know,

Maybe if there weren't a kid,

Maybe if there are desire for a kid,

Maybe if you have all these things in your head and that pulls you into the story and now you're out of the guidance system,

Right?

So you kind of have to just sit there really open,

Just sit in your body,

Be curious and then drop her in and see how your body reacts.

So when you do that now,

What do you notice?

Mm hmm.

So once you just sort of sit for a couple seconds and just breathe,

Connect with your body and let yourself empty a little bit.

Bring your awareness down just a little bit more into your stomach.

Yep.

And then from there,

When your mind quiets a little bit,

Just drop in this woman and just see how your body reacts.

Let me know what you notice.

So that's the answer.

So despite the logic,

Despite of what was the case in the beginning,

It sounds like she really lit you up in the beginning.

She is not lighting you up now,

Which means the time that you spend with her is detracting from you rather than adding to you.

Take a deep breath.

How does it feel to hear that?

It feels like something I knew it was really trying hard to avoid.

Yeah.

I was trying to change my perception,

I was trying to be less attached to the physical attraction part and be more,

Give more clout to the emotional and other spiritual connections that we have.

I don't like that I can't do that.

And maybe you can't do that because you're trying to fix something that isn't quite right.

You would serve yourself and her more to move on to something that lights you up that will leave her room to move on to something that lights her up more.

Of course you don't need to do what lights you up,

But again,

It's like the more you turn away from that,

The more you're kind of off your optimum.

And a little bit off,

You're probably not going to notice a whole lot,

Maybe a little bit of discord,

But the further off you get,

It's going to affect you mentally,

Emotionally,

And it will eventually lead to getting sick because your system's not meant to be in distortion.

So finding your finding and committing to that light is not just like a,

Oh,

This will make you happier.

I'm like a,

Almost like a selfish thing.

It's actually really important.

It's like kind of the most important thing just because it's what makes you shine.

It's you telling you what needs,

What you need,

What is best for you.

And so it leads to health,

Happiness,

Happiness to those around you.

Spiritual satisfaction,

Fulfillment,

Clarity,

All those things.

The reason that wasn't clear before is you have,

As you said,

You were,

You were avoiding the answer,

Right?

Because there are things that you like or love about her.

And this doesn't negate that.

This just tells you that this isn't serving you right now.

In the other case,

I had an emotionally intense week with this person,

Another person,

And felt lit up by the thought of them.

And when I told them my feelings,

Like that I love them,

They started to distance themselves that they needed to think about what I said,

Because things had happened in their past.

And the distance now,

Like when I sit down and I think of them,

I get kind of sad,

But I'm sure that if that changed,

You know,

And I got a phone call later,

Then I would feel lit up again.

Does that happen before?

In the past?

What do you think about that?

More distortion of like infatuation?

I thought about that.

Is light always there?

Would it be there even if someone broke my heart?

Would it be there even if someone broke your heart?

Yes,

It would.

The light wouldn't change.

This is good.

This is causing me to have to think about this in different scenarios.

So what is easy and effortless is what the light is pointing you to,

Right?

That happens to be the right path because again,

You're a being of light and that's your natural state.

What is easy and effortless may change based on the choices of others.

So if you light up,

And this also could be infatuation because it involves another person that when we're in love,

You know,

We've got oxytocin running through our veins and,

You know,

And a person may light us up and that light up might be a little different than this light up.

It may not be your inner guidance system.

It might be how she makes you feel.

You light up around her because you like her,

But that's not necessarily the same as this particular inner guidance system.

It's funny,

I haven't thought about this in this context before because it is similar in the sense that your system like,

I like this,

I want more of this,

But that one can be for different reasons.

And the light up,

Because once we get in with other people,

There's a lot more complexity,

As you said,

Right?

You could want to be with someone who's not good for you.

As you said,

Here's this woman who hasn't lit you up in quite some time and yet you're staying because you have reasons.

I don't know what those reasons are,

But you've got them,

Right?

And they were overpowering your actual desire.

A person might light up your system,

But they also may not want to be with you.

So then when you think of that person,

Ah,

I got it.

When you think of that person,

It needs to be the entire situation with that person.

For example,

You may,

You know,

Lady B,

We'll call her Sarah.

If Sarah,

You know,

Something you've had a very strong connection with Sarah,

You said that you loved her,

That maybe freaked her out or she had a reaction to that because of what she's been through.

When you think of Sarah,

That includes all of Sarah as you know her,

Sarah,

As she is freaked out by what you said and pulling away from you.

That is the reality in this moment of Sarah.

Does that make sense?

Does that light you up or not?

As opposed to,

Oh,

I'm so into Sarah.

If only she were more into me,

That idea lights me up.

That's great,

But we don't have that,

Right,

In this moment.

And she may call and tell you,

Oh my God,

I've thought about it and I'm sorry I freaked out.

I cleared it with my healer and boom,

I'm really excited.

Let's go out on Thursday.

And your whole system might light up.

In fact,

It kind of did when I said that,

Right?

Are you really?

So I could feel a little light starting to come through there.

I was like,

Oh,

How about that?

I'm like making the efforts to communicate.

I'm trying harder now because it's going away.

So I'm following that whole dynamic.

Is it hard to get possibly?

I don't know.

Yeah.

And stay in your own,

Like,

Your own mind.

So switching topics now a little bit,

Stay in your own system with that.

You can stay in communication,

But stay connected to yourself.

Chase as far as,

As you said,

The hard to get game.

Stay in your system.

Invite her back.

She may come or she may not,

But stay connected to yourself back in your own body and allow her to come to you even through staying in contact.

Does that make sense?

So you've seen me go through this with our men's group.

It's not what you do.

It's how you do it.

So it's great that you're reaching out.

That actually feels really good in this,

In the situation,

Just staying in contact.

But you're,

But make sure you're doing it from a place of I'm over here with a lot of self-respect.

I'm interested in you.

And you know,

I'm,

I'm interested in pursuing this.

If you are as opposed to,

Oh my God,

I need you.

You're reaching.

I'm like reaching with my hand,

Right?

Like,

I gotta get you.

I gotta get you.

Because,

You know,

One will push her away and one will bring her towards.

But regardless it's one is healthy for you and one isn't right.

So make sure you stay connected to yourself through that.

You stay in you,

Give her room to be her.

She gets to come towards you.

You're welcome to keep inviting,

But don't go out and get her stay in your own body.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I shouldn't leave a couple of flowers on her doorstep today.

Depends if you've seen her in a long time or not.

If saying I loved you scared her off a little bit,

Then I would respect that.

Right?

It's not so much about like changing who you are.

It's about tailoring your approach.

If she,

If something about that triggers her,

Then you want to be respectful of that.

So love her in a way that has a little bit more respect and space.

I'm really feeling this coming back and connecting to yourself thing.

I have a feeling if you disconnect from yourself towards her,

It will,

She'll feel invaded.

I don't know why I'm just,

I'm getting that on the phone.

I don't know if that's fits your life,

Your experience or not.

I mean,

We had said she had said she loved me too.

Like we've been saying that for awhile,

But when I expressed that it was becoming more intense for me based on our interactions that week,

Like I said,

I'm falling in love actually.

So that was the,

When things started to change a little bit.

Okay.

So then reel it back to where it was working or maybe a couple of steps before and give her a little bit more space.

Okay.

That,

That's,

That's what feels right for,

For this one.

Nothing wrong with it.

Right.

We've all got our past traumas and we've all,

You know,

We all have our styles too.

It may not even be a trauma thing.

You know,

You'd know more about that than I would.

But it's just her,

That's what you hit a boundary.

Whoop.

That's a little too much.

Okay.

No problem.

Yeah.

It's easy to get caught up in my head and like,

I want this and I'm not having it.

So now I want it more.

Yes.

So that you bring to me in a session and then you approach her from a balanced adult place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What you know already.

Good.

Thank you very much.

You are very welcome.

Good to hear your voice,

My friend.

Yeah.

I look forward to catching up with you.

Good.

All right.

All right.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Much love,

Honey.

Great.

That was such a good question.

Do you like how that made me think?

I love this.

This is why I wanted to do this in the,

In the podcast.

So yes.

So the distinction that was,

That was made there,

And I'll just,

I'll just emphasize this again.

I'll just say that I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say it.

Let me just get,

Look at this.

We started out doing choir now.

One,

Two,

Three!

It was an interesting conversation with.

.

There's this,

This woman that is starting to hang up.

But there's two,

Two,

Three!

So the overall goal of,

What we did was to help everybody out.

We followed Justin very openly with his,

Your own advice.

And he said,

I think what he said in the old aunties,

Is he said,

You know,

These are people who are Cas windows and whistles.

These are the kind of people that designed,

You know,

Their face.

Husband lights me up,

The idea of my husband lights me up,

But only when he's not drinking.

Well,

How often does your husband drink or drink too much,

Right?

If your husband has an alcohol problem and he lights you up when he's sober,

That's not.

.

.

You can't use the guidance system for that because what you're guiding towards doesn't exist.

If you're like,

Oh I love my husband,

I just wish you weren't an alcoholic,

You're out of reality because your husband is an alcoholic.

So does that man exactly as he is in the here and now light you up?

Or do you like the idea of him or you like the parts of him that aren't an alcoholic and boy you sure wish he could not be an alcoholic,

Right?

That's not up to you.

That man gets to be an alcoholic if he wants to.

That's our God-given right.

Now you get to decide whether or not you want to be married to an alcoholic.

That is your right,

Okay?

You cannot change other people.

It is not your right.

It is not your job.

Back up off.

You are your own responsibility.

Nobody else's unless you have a child.

Then they're your responsibility,

Right?

This is really essential,

Okay?

The more you try to change others or try to split off little pieces of them or I sure would like this guy if he were more liberal or I sure would like this guy and then that entire package is not what you want.

You want someone very similar who's more progressive,

Right?

I really like this guy but he voted for Trump.

Everything else about it is perfect.

That man voted for Trump which means that man in office is someone that this person that you're talking to thinks should lead the free world.

Now is that someone that you want to be dating or is it not?

If you also voted for Trump then it probably is.

If you did not then there's a discrepancy,

Okay?

So when you find something and you say,

Okay,

This is it.

I'm gonna see if this lights me up or not.

It needs to be the entire situation.

So what Frank just brought up there when he said,

Okay,

Well this one's hard to get but I know if she called me it would be different,

Right?

She called me right now.

Great.

So then right now when you do the exercise this is a woman who has not called you.

You guys were into each other.

You were saying I love you.

Everything was great.

You said something freaked her out a little bit.

She has then been pulling away in the snapshot of this moment in reality and folks this is all there is.

There are no other moments in reality other than this one.

That's not like a hippie yoga statement.

That is factually accurate.

Nothing in the past or future exists.

Yes,

I suppose you could go into multiverses and alternate timelines in quantum mechanics but we're not gonna go there now because it's not proven yet.

Although,

You know,

It is probable.

Regardless,

For all intents and purposes,

Right here,

Right now is the only thing that exists.

When you have a memory of the past that is a memory.

You are thinking a thought that happens to be a memory right now in this moment.

It still only exists here and now.

When you make plans for the future you are having ideas of things that do not exist right now here in the moment.

Everything is filtered through right here.

Nothing else exists.

Just gonna say it again.

Nothing else exists.

Stop living in the future in the past.

You're just living in memories and imaginary plans in your head.

They do not exist.

You are delusional.

I say that with love.

You are delusional.

You are making stuff up and you're acting like it's real.

It is not.

Let it go.

Let go of everything that is the past.

Let go of everything that is the future and sit here in the present moment and live your life.

Okay?

Not rocket science.

Very important though.

So again,

The thing with that Frank said,

You know,

In this snapshot of time here's what's happened.

She fell off a little bit.

I'm feeling this way.

Does this light me up?

Does this reality,

This situation in reality,

It might change but it hasn't yet.

Does this situation in reality right now light me up or does it not?

There's your question.

The inner guidance system will lead you.

If you wait half an hour and she calls then afterwards if you do it again you might get a different answer but that's because reality has changed.

Now she's called you.

Does that make sense?

That was the point that I wanted to add in.

Once she's called now reality has changed.

How do you feel about this reality?

What lights you up?

See what I mean?

Reality is always changing.

The exercise doesn't.

The inner guidance system doesn't.

But the answer will because your reality is changing.

Life is moving,

Right?

Life always moves.

Is that all making sense so far?

So this is a really incredibly powerful thing.

It can be used for anything.

Again there's no way it's not going to work.

The answer is by definition totally customized to you.

It is what lights you up.

It's what brings you joy.

Okay I want to say a little piece right at the end here about joy and letting yourself have a little more fun.

When you lock yourself in shoulds or in ought tos or in work or in things you think you should be doing or ways you think you should be being your system gets tired.

There's an exhaustion that sets in.

The benefit of the inner guidance system that lights you up effortlessly is it's effortless.

Okay that's how you know it's the right path for you because it takes no effort to do.

Humans are meant to lead joyful lives so the direction that you are meant to go according to you and your spirit and your soul contract not to me and not to some outside authority.

There is none.

Stop that.

It's childlike thinking.

You are the authority of your life.

This is a journey.

You get to do whatever you want with it.

How freaking magical is that?

Are you kidding me?

We get to do whatever we want.

I love being grown up.

Anyway so follow that joy.

Okay it's not a selfish oh I guess I'll do some self-care today.

Fuck that.

It's your life purpose.

Your joy is showing you your life purpose.

You need to move.

You need to let yourself feel joy.

Right?

Do the things that feel joyful.

How do you do this?

Ask yourself huh what sounds like fun right now?

That's it.

That's the best spiritual guidance and exercise I can possibly give you.

Huh what sounds like fun right now?

Because guess what sounds like fun?

That thing lights you up.

So you're literally just looking around.

It might be curling up with a book and reading by the window or it might be going and playing with the dog or it might be going to a movie or it might be hanging out with your friends or it might be going and taking a nap or a bath or going skydiving.

It does not matter.

What would light you up right now?

What sounds like fun?

Do those things.

It's not just some you know guilty pleasure I deserve this self-esteem bullshit.

It's not.

It is your your spiritual path is paved with joy.

That's a great statement.

Make that a bumper sticker.

Okay.

Your spiritual path is what is effortless and joyful because it's what you're here to do.

So it's not self-care.

It's not oh I deserve this.

I'm gonna be bad.

I'm gonna take a bath.

No.

You need to do that thing and and it will lead you on the path.

So when you go man I don't know what to do with my life.

I wonder what sounds like fun.

I'm gonna go get back to that coffee shop and I'm just gonna have one of those hot chocolates.

I'm craving one of those hot chocolates.

Sure enough you go to the chocolate.

You go to the coffee shop and you meet somebody that you know or you meet someone new and you start having conversation.

It turns out that person has something that you need.

Okay.

All the pieces will fall into place.

It doesn't need your strategizing.

Life does not need your strategizing.

You don't have a viewpoint,

A vantage point that can benefit you.

It's too limited just by virtue of you are one human being and you can't see your own life plan.

The guide,

The yellow brick road of your life plan is your joy.

It is the shit that lights you up.

Okay.

Don't worry if your head is telling you oh god if I only do it lights me up I'll never work ever again.

Maybe not at your current job but you will probably you'll go to the coffee shop and you'll meet somebody who you know you work at a bank because you think that's what people need to do to make money.

What you really love is training therapy dogs and sure enough you follow your light and you go to a coffee shop and you meet someone who runs that business or who markets individual businesses and you can start your own dog therapy.

Whatever.

Alright.

The universe has got you.

Your job is just to follow that light.

Okay.

Look inward.

Leave space.

Forget who people think you are.

Forget who you think you are.

Open your mind to who you really are and you will open that space up.

You'll give yourself room to show yourself to you.

Okay.

You're opening up that space and you're doing it just by having fun.

Everything lightens.

All the shoulds come off.

All the oh god my mother would be so ashamed of me because yada yada yada yada.

She gets to be ashamed.

That's her role.

She wants to spend her life feeling shame about what is.

She is welcome to.

Doesn't have anything to do with you.

How do you want to spend your life?

In your head?

Thinking about what you ought to do or what you think you should do or what you think is best for you?

Or embodied,

Bright,

Radiant because you have committed to your inner light in a way that is utterly and totally uncompromising.

That choice is up to you.

My name is Dominie Drew.

This has been The Art of Attraction and thank you so much for joining me.

I am available to for individual coaching,

For group work,

For speaking and workshops at conventions.

So if you are interested in having me speak or in working with me directly then by all means reach out at DominieDrew.

Com to the contact page and I would be happy to talk that through with you.

Thank you so much.

My name is Dominie.

Talk to you soon.

Thanks for joining me.