Spinning Plates

Spinning plates and juggling balls is a great metaphor for life when you are stressed because that's what it feels like. It looks like stopping will mean it will all come crashing down, probably taking you with it. But what really are those balls and plates and do they all really need to be in the air right now? It might seem hard to put some of them down especially if it looks like keeping them all up there will lead you to the promised land in the future.

Transcript

Hello, And welcome to the Calmcast, A time to feel calm and think clearly. I'm Claire Downham, The Queen of Calm, A transformational life coach. I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying, And I want to prevent you from having to do the same. The Calmcast is a series of short explorations, Gently guiding you back to your natural state, Which is calm and clarity. Just listen like you would listen to music, With an open mind and curiosity. There's nothing else to do. Now let's relax into today's episode. So today's exploration is called spinning plates and juggling balls, Of course, Because they tend to come together. And they're a great metaphor for feeling like you have an awful lot going on. And also that sensation for me of feeling like if you stop, If you drop any one of those balls or plates that the whole lot will come crashing down, Probably taking you with it. And I can totally and utterly relate to that feeling. I don't really even know for how many years I was so stressed out trying to keep all those balls in the air and those plates spinning. I've lost track. It was so many years. And of course for me, That eventually led to me burning out, Which I do not recommend, By the way. It's not fun. And my story is, And my story is just one of millions and millions of stories of this kind. All those balls that I had in the air and all those plates I had spinning were up there to try and get me somewhere else from where I was. This idea that by controlling those things that I could somehow get to a point where I could stop. I think that's what it felt like, That I would get to some point in the future where I wouldn't have to do it anymore. But of course, That's not really what happens because what happens is once all those balls are in the air and those plates are spinning, It looks like we can't stop doing that. We can't stop the spinning and the juggling because we do think it will all crash down around us. And for me, That was just all sorts of things where I would have everything organized to the nth degree, Everything double crossed my T's and double dotted my I's to make sure that there was not anything left to any other human error. That was a lot of it. I unfortunately, Very much with my relationship with my ex-husband had that going on where I had to make sure that I had absolutely laid everything out so that he couldn't make a mistake and get it wrong and spoil something that I wanted to be a particular way. Of course, I'm talking about my perception here, Not his capabilities because those are two completely different things as I now know, But didn't then. But all of it was with a sense of seeking that eventually I would be happier, More fulfilled, Feel good enough if I got all of this stuff right. I'm really feeling that right now, The emotion of that because it didn't end well. I'm still dealing with the physiological consequences of pushing my adrenals to the point where they had nothing left. I still experience that. But it doesn't have to be that way. A lot of what I was doing was with this sense that at some point in the future, Everything would be in a better place and I would be better. I would feel better. I'd have a better experience of life. I'd be happier. I'd be able to stop doing quite so many of those things, But it never actually happened. Well, It didn't happen really until I had to stop because my body said, No more Claire, You're not doing any more of this. That's quite sufficient. You're not going to get out of bed even. That's how much my body made me stop because it will eventually. Yours will too. You know, I missed out on so many things. Working weekends, Working ridiculous number of hours a week overall into the seventies and eighties sometimes. But also I never stayed still long enough to enjoy what I had created. So even like my first headship, Within a couple of years of taking over the school, I had led with an amazing team, The school to a good outcome for Ofsted, Which is the mark of things here in the UK in terms of your school. And it wasn't long after that that I moved to a promotion because that wasn't enough. You know, Leading a school to a good outcome at Ofsted was still not enough for me to feel good enough. So I put some more balls in the air and some more plates on sticks and carried on looking still. So there's a couple of things here. One is this living in a place right now, Which is underpinned by the idea that we will feel better at some point in the future if we do all these things right now, If we keep the plate spinning, If we keep the balls in the air at some point in the future, We're going to feel good enough or confident enough or happy enough or, You know, And then we won't have to do that anymore. And it just never works out like that. And as a result, We're missing everything that's going on in the present moment because we're always seeking to be somewhere else in the future. And really when we get to that place in the future, We find that still not satisfactory, Still not OK, And then there's more to do and more effort to put in and more plates to put in the air and more balls to start juggling to get to the next place where we think we're going to feel the way we want to feel. But what I know now is it is possible to feel wonderful right now. Like what if I told you that nothing at all needs to change in your life for you to feel happier and calmer and more content and like you've got everything. What if I could tell you that your life could get less successful in the traditional way we measure that in the world right now and you'd still feel better than you do right now. How amazing would that be? And that wouldn't mean that you wouldn't want to do things you wouldn't have desires. You would still have that. You would still be excited and interested to try new things and take the next step forward. But just maybe one step at a time following one interesting thing at a time. Because that's the problem isn't it? There's so many balls, Spinning balls in the air being juggled on so many plates spinning. But it all gets a little bit confusing. But what if it didn't have to be like that? Like that is my experience you know my I've been on some ups and downs as everybody else in my business in the last 20 months. But actually have and my life like everybody else there have been challenges. But I've never felt better. Because and you know that doesn't come from a place of doing loads of work on myself it just comes from a place of knowing that it doesn't even work that way. Life doesn't work outside and it works inside out. Just having that knowledge is transformational. So maybe just for you today to just notice some of those balls you've got in the air and some of those plates you've got spinning and can you put some of them down for now? What's the most exciting interesting plate or ball that you would like to play with right now? What's the one that looks like it's unfolding in an interesting way right now? Because there really only is right now everything else is creating the stress that you're feeling. So just experiment put down some balls rest some plates and see see what happens. Thank you so much for listening. There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life. Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm. This has been the Calmcast with Claire Downer, Queen of Calm. Take care and keep listening.