There are moments where your internal state changes and you notice it straight away.
Your thinking narrows,
Your attention fixes on something specific,
Your body feels more alert.
Nothing major may have happened externally.
But internally,
Something is shifting.
And from that point your interpretation of everything starts to follow that state.
And if that feels familiar,
Then please stay with me.
My name is Martha Curtis,
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I work with creatives and support individuals who are or have been in controlling or unpredictable relationships.
And alongside that,
I run an institute where we develop coaches and support leaders in building clear,
Healthy,
High-functioning environments.
Your state is shaped by how you organize what you are experiencing.
In this talk I'm going to offer you five questions you can use when your energy shifts and your thinking becomes less clear.
And these are not designed to change how you feel,
They are designed to help you see more accurately.
What is happening.
When your system is activated,
Your thinking tends to settle around one interpretation.
And that interpretation can feel quite complete.
You may assume you understand what something means.
You may feel certain about what is happening.
Question interrupts that certainty.
It creates distance between what is happening and what you think it means.
So let me share the first question.
What is happening and what am I concluding?
There is often a gap between the situation and your interpretation of it.
You may receive a short message,
A delayed reply,
A change in tone.
And from that a conclusion forms.
The question separates observation from meaning.
The second question is,
What is this bringing up for me?
Your response is shaped by more than the present moment.
It may connect to something familiar.
Previous experience a pattern you recognize.
This question places your reaction in context.
The third question is.
.
.
What do I know for certain and what am I assuming here?
When information is incomplete,
The mind fills the gaps.
You may feel sure about something that hasn't been confirmed.
And this question helps you identify what is known and what has been added.
The fourth question is,
What position am I taking right now?
Your state influences how you position yourself.
You may move into defensiveness,
Withdrawal,
Over responsibility,
Hyper attention.
This question helps you see how you are relating to the situation.
And finally,
Question five.
What would bring me back into clarity?
And this is not about fixing the situation,
It's about stabilizing your position.
And that might mean pausing,
Asking a direct question.
Waiting before responding.
Or returning to what is known.
You are not removing the situation.
You are changing how you engage with it.
Instead of moving straight from reaction to conclusion,
You introduce a step in between and that step changes your thinking.
End.
Here you might want to stop and reflect.
When your energy shifts.
What do you usually assume first?
And what patterns do you recognize in your responses?
And which one of these questions would be most useful to return to?
You don't need to eliminate your reactions,
But you can become more precise in how you respond to them.
Your thinking is influenced by where your attention goes.
A question redirects that attention.
And that changes what happens next.
And if this talk resonated with you,
Please consider sharing it with someone who may be trying to understand their reactions more clearly.
Sometimes having a way to pause is enough to change the outcome.
Until next time.
