Foundations Of Mindfulness – Seeing Beyond Self-Blame

This is a practice in the Foundations of Mindfulness series, inspired by the Buddha’s teachings in the Satipatthana Sutta.

In this meditation, we gently explore the experience of self-blame as a form of ill-will towards ourselves. Rather than judging or trying to change it, we become curious about the conditions that have contributed to its arising - what happened, what we were feeling, and what thoughts, pressures, or circumstances may have been present.

By looking more closely at these conditions, we begin to loosen the knots of habitual self-judgement, creating a little more space around our experience and meeting ourselves with greater understanding, curiosity, and kindness.

Transcript

This practice is inspired by Buddhist teachings. The Satipatthana Sutra his guidance on establishing mindfulness. In the Sutta, We're invited to explore and understand the conditions that give rise to hindrances. And in this practice, We'll explore the hindrance of ill will. Maybe in a less obvious way. We'll be exploring when we directed it ourselves, When we criticize, Judge and blame ourselves. And self-blame is one of the ways we can really construct this hard, Solid, Negative sense of ourselves. We can become trapped in self-judgment. And this means our perception filter narrows. So just like looking in the bowl of boiling water, Our view becomes distorted. We don't see ourselves as we are. In fact, We may start to perceive ourselves as not kind, Not smart. This may impact on how we bring ourselves into the world. So this practice is about using mindfulness to widen our perception so we can see the conditions that led to this hindrance arising. It's not about making excuses or making ourselves right. But just softening some of these narrow, Damaging views that we can hold of ourselves. This practice is inspired by an example given by Rob Burbea. He talks about a situation, Maybe where a friend tells us something very difficult that they're facing. We're trying to listen attentively. But not feeling much sympathy or empathy. Maybe this leads to a feeling of worry. Unease within. We feel that we should be feeling more compassion, That our heart should be more open. And maybe later we feel that there must be something wrong with us. Maybe we're a cold-hearted person, A bad friend, Or just very uncaring. But when we look in that judgmental way, It's very narrow. It fails to notice many other factors or conditions that could have contributed to our response. Maybe we were tired or not feeling well or overworked. Maybe we were putting a little bit too much pressure or expectation on ourself to feel compassion, Which might have made it a little stressful and stifled that compassion. Or maybe there's a little small unresolved tension, Some aversion with our friend. You know, Nothing major, But enough to feel a little bit off, To be a bit of a block. Or maybe some of what they shared was triggering for us. Maybe we like or dislike the person involved. Or maybe it brought back some memory. Or it could have been even how they told it. Maybe if it was too aggressive, We didn't feel safe. If it was too offhand, We didn't feel engaged. And if it's too dramatic, Maybe it didn't feel genuine. So any or all of these things or some others could have been present and impacted on our heart's ability to feel this compassion. So we do a little practice now where we explore how these wider conditions could show up for us. And what happens when we bring our awareness to them. So we start just by closing or resting the eyes. And making any adjustments that are needed in the body to be alert and present. But not holding anything too tightly. Maybe noticing any sense of ease in the breath. In the body. Not forcing anything, Just seeing what's there, Noticing the breath. And noticing the body being held and supported by the ground. Then we bring to mind a situation, It could be something very recent or something older. Where you felt a sense of self-blame, Inadequacy, Deficiency. Where there was this sense of ill will towards yourself. Maybe you made a mistake. Maybe you upset someone. Maybe like the example, You couldn't show up fully for someone. Or maybe you did something mean. Spend a little time bringing the situation to mind. If there's any resistance to seeing this part or being with it. I'm just seeing if you could soften that resistance a little. Remembering that hindrances are there in all of us. There's nothing wrong with us personally, It's not a failure. We all experience them in some way. And if we're able to offer this gentle seeing, Understanding. It can be the first step. To letting go seeing what's really going on, The causes and the conditions. So we have that information, Understanding. To make different choices going forward. So we're not forcing anything. We just have a gentle curiosity. It feels right. You could even have your hand on your heart if you just need a little softness and gentleness. So we start noticing how it feels in our body when we bring this hindrance of ill-will, Of self-blame to mind. When we think of this situation. Maybe it feels a little heavy or hard, Solid, Tense. Maybe our breath changes. Maybe there's some strong thoughts coming through our mind of not being good enough, Always being a failure. Just seeing what's there. And then seeing if it's possible to very gently soften and widen the perspective. Being curious, What conditions might there have been around this situation? What was happening? How were you feeling before? Maybe physically you just didn't have the capacity to deal with this situation. Could have been a feeling of tiredness. Illness, Pain. Could have been feeling restless. Or maybe it was a time when there were very strong hormones impacting your behaviour. So just acknowledging some of these conditions may have been there. Maybe just hungry. Run down. Overwhelmed. And checking also what was going on emotionally for you at this time. Maybe you didn't have capacity for the situation either. Maybe you felt scared. Vulnerable. Maybe there's a sense of feeling misunderstood. Maybe there was something like a loyalty to another that prevented you from acting in a particular way. Or some other value that you held strongly. So just checking. What was happening for you emotionally? And then being curious what was happening in your mind at this time. Maybe you were confused. Maybe you didn't have all the knowledge. Maybe you were too young, Inexperienced. Maybe there was some peer pressure to behave or act a particular way. Or maybe your mind was just very scattered at this time. Or consumed with some other thoughts that were important for you. So taking time to reflect on these wider conditions. It's things that might have been there that might have impacted your behaviour. These things that are not you. I'm just noting these without judgment. Just seeing they were present. As best you can, Seeing as widely and as deeply. With clarity. And then finally giving yourself whatever care and nurturing you need to help soften. It's not already there, You might want to place your hand on your heart. Or you might want to exhale any self-blame with your breath. Or maybe just saying to yourself, It's okay to mess up. I did my best. Nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect and that's okay. What about words? You might want to offer yourself. Whatever way you might want to take care. Just taking a moment with that. Gentleness Softness. And compassion. And you can stay here if you choose, Otherwise slowly, Gently bringing yourself back from this practice. Maybe it gave you some clarity, Some insight, Some softening, Maybe just a glimpse. Coming back to your body, Making any movement or stretches you need. This practice is now complete.