Stop Losing Yourself

Live Class Recording: Feeling like you don’t recognise yourself anymore — even though nothing is “wrong” on the outside?

This talk explores why you feel stuck, what’s really behind that inner disconnect, and how to stop the internal fight that’s keeping you there.

Learn how to move from chaos to calm by understanding your thoughts, emotions, and the hidden patterns shaping your identity — so you can reconnect with yourself in a simple, grounded way.

Want to go deeper: Audio Course - Stop Losing Yourself: Finding Your Way Back To You

Transcript

Stop losing yourself and I've been there, You've might have been there, You might are already in it or not out of it yet but let's talk about it. So I've put down a couple of things that I want to go through with you today and the first one is common phrases that I hear from clients when they come to me that I said myself, That I hear on social media or just in a random conversation and for me it's like oh I know this one. So a couple of common phrases. I don't recognize myself anymore. I don't feel like myself anymore. This isn't who I am. I'm stuck. I don't know how to get out of this. So these are all phrases that people that you might use to express that I lost myself. I don't know where I am on my path with myself, Who I am anymore. Now you might think this is usually happening after big life changes but it doesn't. It can happen at any time. I have a client and she came to me and she just got married. She has a job she likes. They moved to China. She settled in. She feels happy. So her life is good. She said everything is good but something feels off. I feel stuck. So just so you know that doesn't have to be a big thing, A big change. It can just happen and what's behind it, Behind all of these phrases, Behind your feeling that you're stuck is very simple. It's you're fighting yourself. We get to more of that later step by step but just so you know it's the inner fight you have with yourself. There is misalignment. If you're in the spiritual realm you might know that you have energy blocks. It's stuck. It doesn't flow anymore. I do traditional Chinese medicine here and my doctor said your Qi isn't flowing. It's stuck. Energy is stuck. Misalignment. For my client that I just told you about it's misalignment because her brain tells her something different than her body. All fancy different words all meaning the same. You are fighting with yourself. But before we get to that I want you to know one thing because you might see that in it's quite popular now like quantum jumps like do your affirmations and your life is changing and new identity and I even working on a course that's called Identity Edge. But the thing is we often think that this isn't me. Here in this phrase I don't feel like myself anymore. This isn't who I am. I behave in a way that's not me. But the truth is it's all you. It is all you. There's no one else. It's you. What you have to bear in mind is that you are capable. You have the capacity of every identity. Literally. You go from Mother Teresa. I don't know if you guys remember know Mother Teresa but she was a lady and she helped many many people. Many many children. Was known for her good heart and it's like this day like Mother Teresa. So you have the capacity to act, Think, Behave like Mother Teresa. You also have the capacity to act, Think, Behave like Jack the Ripper. Like Jack the Ripper. He was a serial killer back in the I think 19th century. Anyway so that capacity is in you as well and everything in between. Your identity is not just one fixed thing. Your identity is everything that you're displaying, That you're thinking, That you're doing, That you're feeling in that moment of time. And that's why there is the capacity and the variety of this is all you. So next time you hear quantum jump just know when you are thinking about an identity upgrade it's still you. The one before, The one after. When you feel stuck this is still you. When you feel like this is not who I am anymore or who I used to be it's still you. Just be clear on that. It's all you. Now the thing is you don't, You might not like how you feel when you say this doesn't feel like me anymore. This isn't me anymore. I'm stuck. And that's often the case that we don't like it. We don't like the way we behave. We don't like the way we think. We don't like the way we interact. We shout. We might get quiet etc. So these are all characteristics that we display that we might not like. And that often feels strange. And then you start fighting yourself. And when you don't like how you feel, How you behave, How you think, What you think, Fighting yourself is often the idea like I have to do something about it. And the only thing I believe deep in my heart and in my mind and in my soul the only thing that will help you is stop the inner fight. Stop fighting with yourself. You might also know the word surrender or letting go. Different words, Same meaning. It all means stop the inner fight with yourself. I'm not saying be okay with who you are. Be okay that you shout at your children. Be okay that you are mean to your husband, Partner. Be okay that you're just lying on the sofa and letting life and the world go by. I'm not saying that because there's a difference. What I'm saying is stopping the inner fight. Not being nasty to yourself. Not judging yourself. Not blaming yourself. Not shaming yourself. Not trying to desperately be something else. Because that's the inner fight. I remember when I felt stuck, When I felt like this isn't who I am. I had this picture in my mind that I was in one of these straitjackets, You know from the psychiatric hospital where you had like a hug myself jacket. And I couldn't move. And I didn't know how to get out of it. And I got desperate. I desperately wanted to get out of that jacket. But of course that jacket just got tighter. So my desperation grew even more. And that's the inner fight. The more you fight yourself, The more there is to fight. So it's like this vicious circle. The more you do it, The harder it gets. The nastier it gets. And when I talk to my clients about this, They say I can't do that. Because I feel so like surrender. Like stopping the inner fight. That's what we're talking about here now. They say they can't do it. Because it's too simple. I can't just not blame myself. I can't just not shame myself. I can't just not push myself. I can't just not think about how I should do it better. Because that's too simple. They say how should that work? And then I tell them well the moment you stop it, You stop the inner fight. And when there is calmness inside you, Change becomes easy. And I see that the other day I was signing up for what was it? What was it called? It was an energy. Because I'm introducing a frequency clearings now. Because I've done the certification and everything. And I want to do that in my next course. But anyway. And there were people and they were saying it's so hard to stay in that frequency. And I said yes. Because you're still fighting yourself. Because all the frequency clearings, All the energy clearings, They work. But if you're constantly coming back to the same pattern of fighting yourself, You're going back in that circle. You're getting out and then you say oh but I need to do no more. I'm desperate again. I can't do it like this. I must do it. Fighting again. And then the block. A different block. Same block. Whatever. But it's a block again. And then you're doing it again and again and again. So stopping that inner fight will change your world. I might want to say because that's how I feel it is for me. And how I see it with my clients. And I'm sure when you try it you will see the changes. Because it becomes so quiet in your body, In your mind, In your soul. Another thing they say they can't do the surrendering, The stopping the inner fight because it feels too uncomfortable. Now that is something that we're going deep into in the course. Because that's emotional regulation. Because you don't want to sit. You don't want to be in that uncomfortable state. It feels icky. Like I want to get out of my straitjacket. Of that feeling of being restrained. Of that desperation. And by wanting to get out, By pushing it away, It came back stronger. And then what happens when we push our emotions away? They come back stronger. And they fueling that inner fight. Because then you're constantly fighting with yourself again. This time it might be a different fight. It might not be your mind against your mind. It might be your emotions, Your body feelings against your mind. But it's still you. I think Betty wants down. So they say no I can't do that. I can't sit with my emotions. I just can't sit there. It's too uncomfortable. And just I think two or three weeks ago I was sitting with a client for 10 minutes. Just to bring that down a little bit. That uncomfortable feeling. But she did it. She said this is hard. This is so hard. And she was crying in between. And she was very fidgeting. And you could see it clearly that she felt very uncomfortable. She didn't want to be there. But she felt obliged because I was sitting there. So she did it. And she said it actually helped. So if you want to know more about that go to the course. I guide you through that exercise. But long story short. That stopping that inner fight. In different words it means accepting yourself. It means accepting you. And accepting isn't loving. It's not liking. Acceptance is neutral. It means you neither have negative thoughts about you nor have your positive thoughts about you. And I'm not saying stop being positive. But sometimes trying to being positive is forced. And then you blame yourself for not being positive enough. And then we get back into that cycle. Into that fighting with yourself. That we want to stop because that's how you lost yourself. But acceptance means oh interesting. All of this negative thoughts. Interesting. Look what my brain can do. It's this curiosity. This openness. This neutrality with. Look at me. And I want to share with you a sentence that I learned when I did my NLP certification. It's they have 12 principles. And the first principle. This sat with me. Is everyone is doing the best they can. With the resources they have. At the time. So let me repeat that. Everyone is doing the best they can. So you are doing the best you can. With the mental, Emotional, Physical resources you have. At the time. So when you shout at your children. Chances are that your mental, Emotional and physical resources are very low. That's a reason. It's not a justification. Don't get me wrong. People do shitty stuff. It's not a justification. But I want you to remember that sentence for yourself. You're doing the best you can with the resources you have. At the time. And when you can accept that resources were very low or probably non-existent. And I behaved that way. That was the best I could do. I accept it. You might have other feelings with it, About it, For it. Fine. But don't shame, Blame and judge yourself. There is no need. Stopping that in a fight. Sitting with your emotions. Because I remember just the other day. What did I do? I don't remember what I did. But I remember the feeling of I felt guilty. And that felt oh, I didn't like it. I want to get away from it. I thought no, No, No, No. Why did I do what I do? I don't know. But this was the best I could do. And obviously my resources, They're very low. And I sat with that feeling. It took me three days to come back to that feeling and sit with it. To come back to that emotion and sit with it. To stop that inner fight about it with myself. And now I don't even remember what it was. I just remember that there was something. And that's what it does. It just clears. That's the surrender. That's the letting go. Sometimes you remember things continuously. Sometimes not. But what changes is the emotion about it. And what you come up with. Your interpretation. Because feelings are just an interpretation of your experiences. And the emotions you carry in your body. So when you say I feel guilty, That was just an interpretation of what I've done. But I don't remember what I've done. I've let that go. So to finish this class off. How do you stop losing yourself? You stop fighting your inner war. No war. You can't change. You don't bring change around when there is chaos inside you with yourself. There are so many other things you can stand up to and you can fight. But you're the only person you spend the rest of your life with. 24-7. Non-stop. So stop that inner war with yourself and find your way back to you. Thank you.