Emotional vulnerability has many faces,
And for each person,
Being emotionally vulnerable,
Opening up about their thoughts and feelings,
Means something different to everyone.
For one person,
It can mean to talk about their thoughts and feelings,
About the weather.
I feel annoyed and angry about the rain today.
That can be an emotional outburst to them.
And for others,
It can mean they talk about their thoughts and feelings,
About the death of a loved one.
We're all different,
And yet we expect that the others think and feel as we do.
And that expectation causes a lot of upheaval in relationships.
You might want to talk to your partner about the way things are in your relationship.
You want to know if they are happy with you,
The living situation,
Or your future plans,
Etc.
And you ask your partner,
Are you happy with our relationship?
And they just might say,
Yeah,
It's okay.
And your first instinct might be that you get angry,
Annoyed,
Impatient,
Because you expect more.
You might feel insecure,
Driven by the thought that this,
It's okay,
Means that you are not good enough,
Your relationship isn't good enough,
That something is missing.
All very normal.
From your partner's point of view,
Their it's okay could mean that they are happy.
It can also mean that they've never thought about what they want or what they want to be different.
It can also mean that they have learned to be very careful with their answers about questions like that,
As previously they have been shamed and blamed for it.
It can also mean that so far no one was really interested in their thoughts and feelings,
And an it's okay was a satisfying answer.
It can also mean that they don't want to hurt you,
So staying neutral is a safe way for them.
So what can you do to have an emotional,
Vulnerable conversation with your partner that is fulfilling your expectations?
Well,
First,
Be patient.
It's not a favorable step,
As immediate gratification is a much nicer thing to have than to wait for it.
Yet,
It's important in the long run.
Be patient with your partner to think about your question.
Be patient with your partner building the trust towards you,
That you won't shame and you won't blame them,
That you won't hold it against them,
That you won't throw a tantrum if you don't get the answer you want to hear.
Second,
Learn to not take it personally.
We all live in our own bubble and are the star in our own life,
And that's okay.
That doesn't mean,
Though,
That your partner's thoughts and feelings have much to do with you as a person.
They might have to do with the circumstances,
The events,
And most often with themselves.
Third,
Listen.
Learn to listen to what your partner has to say without forming a response in your head before they have finished.
Often,
We get distracted from the listening because we take it personally and want to defend ourselves.
We want our partner to understand our point of view,
Yet not giving them the chance to understand their point of view.
So,
In a relationship,
There are usually two,
Sometimes some more people.
And in order to change that relationship and have the relationship,
The connection with your partner that you want,
It has to start with yourself.
It's a giving and a taking.
Are you willing to be patient,
To not take it personally,
And to listen and understand?
And if you are willing to do that,
Are you living it?
As every change in behavior,
And this as well,
Being patient,
Listening,
And not taking it personally,
Takes time and practice.
This also means that there will be setbacks along the way,
And that is okay.
Get up,
Brush off the dirt,
And keep walking.
