Hello,
Friends.
It is a great pleasure to share with you a recording from one of the live events that I was hosting.
And in the first part of this session,
You will learn all about my approach to healing anxiety.
You will understand where anxiety is actually coming from,
The roots of it,
And how internal family systems therapy model can assist you in healing it.
And from the 24 minute of this recording,
Session,
We will start going into actual meditation and guided self-exploration.
You can do only this practice or you can listen to the whole session and understand better first and then do the practice.
I hope you enjoy it.
So IFS became for me a perfect template to work with complex systems with childhood traumas and things like that.
Today I will give you a little bit more perspective on how We can understand better and heal our anxieties.
With internal family systems.
So internal family systems is viewing a person,
A human,
Not just like as a one mind.
Like a citadel of mind.
We accept multiplicity,
We accept complexity,
And we look at ourselves not only as this is me,
But also as there is a part of me that loves sharing these events and sessions and experiences with other people.
And there's also another part of me that sometimes can be very,
Very intense,
Very Ukrainian,
Has a lot of passion and doesn't from the outside maybe doesn't look like a a healer so we are complex we maybe not necessarily really know all of our system.
But when we start looking at sensations,
Feelings in the body,
Our experiences,
And try to untangle them from one nod into what actually is happening here.
Where is that anxiety coming from?
Where is that tension coming from?
Why are we burning out?
Why are we hypervigilant?
Why are we overwhelmed?
What's happening?
And so we go inside and we notice different aspects of us,
Different parts of us.
And we try to understand what is the root,
What is the source of this anxiety and hypervigilance.
Also,
I will ask you just for me to have a sense of if you do have anxiety from 0 to 5,
What is the intensity of your anxiety?
Is it 1,
Which is very mild?
3 is like mild.
Consistent anxiety,
And five would be a very,
Very intense anxiety.
You find it hard to meditate,
To relax,
To fall asleep.
So my invitation for you,
As it's from three to five,
My invitation to you is really be gentle to yourself,
And if in the process you feel something is too much,
Something's too intense,
You can open your eyes,
Orient yourself towards the room,
Feel your hands,
Touch your face,
Etc.
So,
Help yourself,
Because I cannot see you.
I cannot see your faces,
We are not in the real world.
Um.
.
.
Offline settings.
So I want just to make sure that whatever I will be guiding you towards,
Then you will be able to stop if needed,
If something gets too much.
But hopefully we will actually get to another side of it.
You will leave understanding a bit better what's going on.
And also your system will be a little bit more soothed.
Okay,
But I just want to let you know.
Take your time.
Don't push yourself.
Take whatever you can take from here.
So what I discovered through a long period of time sitting with different people and with different systems,
There are different types of the roots of that anxiety that we experience.
And you might be,
As I will be talking to it,
You might be recognizing this,
And you may just also put a plus If I talk to some kind of type of anxiety,
You can put a plus so I know this is what the topic is for you.
So one of the major ones,
One of the major roots that I noticed we are dealing with as humans is a sense of uncertainty and fear of unpredictability.
And that anxiety in us,
It's a part of us that is hyper alert,
Hyper vigilant,
And is working very,
Very hard to Try to control,
Try to control environment,
Try to control situation,
Try to control yourself to avoid anything unpredictable to happen.
Or to avoid any uncertainty,
Something happening out of nowhere,
Something exploding,
Something just going wrong.
This type of anxiety usually arises for those of us who had unpredictable caretakers,
Meaning our caretakers could just explode.
Out of nowhere,
We were just having breakfast and then something happened.
You laughed at something and then someone just,
You know,
Emotionally unpredictable or emotionally unstable throws the plates and then a big scene unfolds and all of that is horrible.
Some of us were growing up in unpredictable environment.
An unpredictable environment means it's unsafe.
Unsafe environment,
Meaning you just don't know what happens next.
You don't know.
If I go home,
And what I will get?
Will I get a loving parent,
Or I will get an upset parent,
Or I will get a triggered parent,
Or.
.
.
What's going to happen?
I don't know.
So that uncertainty,
That anxiety when we are coming.
From school,
We're going home,
And maybe something didn't go well at school and we had a bad mark or something,
And we just know that something's coming.
So that anxiety of something's coming,
I don't know what is going to happen,
Definitely will create for us this Consistent fear.
And hyper-vigilance,
Hyper-alertness,
Reading people's faces,
Reading people's minds,
Trying to read the room,
Trying to understand everything,
Trying to sense check.
All the time if this is safe,
If this person is safe,
If this relationship is safe,
If this environment is safe.
So trying to create safety.
Right?
So when we say anxiety,
We say there is a part of me.
Dad.
Wants to try and control unpredictable people or unpredictable environments.
And we always say there is not just one part.
It's not just this part that in IFS we would call it a protector.
There is not just a protector that is very anxious.
This protector is always protecting something or someone there.
And usually these are very young,
Very sensitive,
Very vulnerable parts of us that experienced the shock.
And trauma of someone just lashing out of nowhere,
Changing mood out of nothing.
Something exploding,
Something just.
Crashing in one second,
Right?
So we have two parts.
In IFS,
We call that exiles.
We have an exile,
A part that just doesn't feel safe,
And a part or protector that is very anxious to try and make sure that the environment needs to be safe,
Right?
So this is one one way of looking at it.
There is another way of looking at it,
And that's more through us trying to be safely attached and safely connected to someone.
And when something happened and,
Um.
Someone left.
Very often I see that it could be an older sibling that left home and we stayed alone with parents.
Something happened,
Someone left,
Someone died,
Passed away,
Can be grandparents,
Et cetera,
Something A parent left.
Uh,
Parents,
Divorce,
Et cetera.
So when we lose someone.
We might develop this anxiety around not losing someone again.
So if we are in a relationship,
We might feel consistent fear and insecurity around what should I do that this person doesn't go away,
That this person doesn't leave me,
Right?
And this,
Again,
This always sense checking,
Trying to read,
Trying to understand how to be,
What to do so that we are not going to be abandoned.
So again,
At the root of it is a part of us that experienced loss.
Someone left,
A friend,
A teacher,
A mentor,
A sibling,
A parent,
Someone left.
And now.
I will do everything and anything just to make sure that.
I will not be abandoned again.
15 years old,
I lost my mother,
Right?
And then after that,
Obviously,
Life wasn't sweet.
And so for me,
This moment's like.
.
.
Losing someone,
Right,
Already means that life is going to be tough.
And so my parts,
My system starts really working very hard to make sure that The person that I love is now going to leave,
Right?
And that takes a lot and a lot and a lot of energy from my system to make sure that I will not be alone again.
There is another very common.
.
.
Situation where we get the anxiety is when we were alone and something bad happened.
And then there was no one there.
No one could help us.
No one could save us.
No one could take us out of there.
Basically,
Something bad happened.
We were stuck there.
I don't know,
For example,
We went for swimming and the current was very strong and we just started understanding that the current is pulling us away,
Started panicking,
There was no one around.
And that anxiety,
That fear,
Oh my God.
I need to survive.
This can stay as this kind of imprint inside that I just need to make sure that I will not be stuck.
In dangerous places,
I will not be stuck in dangerous environments,
I will not be stuck in dangerous situations,
Right?
For example,
I have someone I work with and that's about elevators,
Right?
There was a bad experience with an elevator and this person is already very mature and adult and still elevators is a very,
Very serious source of fear and anxiety.
And so on and so forth.
Protect.
Um,
There is something that our system is trying to manage.
And our system is trying to help us.
So when we look at anxiety,
Not just a bad feeling.
But when we look at anxiety as a part of us,
It's trying to help us,
It's trying to make sure that we are safe,
It's trying to make sure that no one is dangerous,
Nothing is dangerous,
Nothing's best going to happen.
We understand at the root of this,
At the root of this anxiety is a very good intention,
Is to stay safe.
At the root of all anxiety.
Is an intention to stay safe,
But what anxiety actually is.
Is a part of us or many parts of us,
Right?
The stronger the negative experience,
The more parts we'll be trying to make sure this never,
Ever gonna happen again,
Ever.
And so,
If we have a lot of parts trying to prevent,
Uncertainty trying to prevent,
Abandonment trying to prevent.
Something going wrong,
We might have this system.
Burning,
Burning itself out with trying to make our life safe and predictable.
And that,
At the end,
What we call.
Anxiety.
We will go with you now into internal exploration.
Something like a meditation.
But again.
I invite you to listen to my guidance,
But also very much be attuned to yourself and listen to yourself.
Because I want to make sure that.
As you will be learning about your anxiety and your system and how to hold it,
I want to make sure that this will be a safe and a healing experience for you.
So if you need to open your eyes,
Stretch a bit,
Go look in a window,
That's totally fine.
That's okay.
Ready.
So take a breath.
Inhale into your nose.
Exhale.
Through your mouth and just do this a few times.
Inhale into your nose,
Exhale through your mouth.
Inhale into your nose,
Exhale through your mouth.
And when you're ready,
And if that's okay with you,
I invite you to close your eyes.
Soften your eyes.
Relax the eyes behind your eyelids.
And notice yourself here in the present moment.
Notice your breath.
No dissensations in the body.
Make sure you're feeling comfortable.
Your position is comfortable.
And before we journey with you to investigate,
Understand and hopefully offer some healing,
I invite you to approach your inner world and your system from a place of open mind meaning curiosity.
And open heart.
Meaning compassion.
So whatever we're going to discover today.
.
.
Reason for hypervigilance,
For alertness,
For anxiety.
We want to make sure that we will.
.
.
Very,
Very gently.
Be there.
With compassion towards ourselves.
So,
I need you to make a very special Adjustment.
You.
Will be the one that will be a regulating healing presence.
Today.
For your system.
You will be the one who will be noticing connecting.
Offering support,
Care,
Safety to parts of you that might not feel this way right now.
In IFS,
We call it our self-energy.
Self-energy is who we are when all our parts relax.
So again,
Take a gentle breath,
Make sure your heart is open.
And then open your mind.
To witness where and how does that anxiety presents itself in your body.
How does it manifest?
Sometimes it's a tightness in our throat,
Like something is choking us.
Sometimes it's a heavy weight on our chest.
Sometimes.
It's a feeling of having kind of a just tension.
In our gut.
How does that work?
Experience.
That we name as anxiety manifests itself in the body.
Where does it sit?
How does it present itself?
Take few moments and just gently notice,
Gently scan your body.
Something.
In you.
Is stressed.
Can't let go.
Can't relax.
And we are witnessing that.
We are here to notice that and not to push that away.
I invite you to put your palm anywhere in your body.
Where that sense of uncertainty,
Stress,
Even panic arises in you.
Maybe it's your face.
Jaw,
Shoulders,
And neck.
Chest.
Belly.
Anywhere.
Place your hands there.
And as we place her hands there,
Let's pause for a moment.
An offer.
Something here in you.
Of attention.
Something in you,
A little bit of compassion.
Just letting that part of you know I am here,
I am with you,
You are not alone.
I am here.
I am with you.
You are not alone.
Just letting that part know.
There is a safe presence here.
And we are together.
I've got you.
So see what happens.
When you truly let that part know.
I hear you.
I get your experience.
And I'm holding you.
Very often anxiety is coming from parts of us that are trying to protect us.
But in doing that,
They Feel all alone.
Sometimes they at some point just start feeling very helpless.
Because no amount of them working,
No amount of them trying to provide us with safety.
Results in us actually still feeling safe.
So sometimes for these parts,
It feels like no matter what they do,
It's still not enough.
It's still not safe.
Still,
Something can go wrong.
A danger is right behind the corner.
So just knowing that they might be exhausted,
These parts of us might be tired.
They are running on the stress for so long,
Can we just offer them a little bit of our compassion,
Right from our hearts?
Can we offer them a little bit of our compassion?
Stay with your mind open.
And You are becoming this figure,
This safe figure that is here,
That is present.
For your system.
So,
With compassion and curiosity,
Can you ask this Stress this anxiety in your body.
What are you afraid will happen?
If you will not be anxious.
Hypervigilant.
Alert.
What are you afraid will happen?
We need to understand.
What is the fear?
What is the concern?
There.
No one will love me.
Everyone will leave me.
This horrible thing can happen.
I will miss something.
I will be shamed.
What are you afraid will happen?
Let's understand.
The root of our anxiety.
Your anxiety.
And again,
Let's pause and just validate what we understood.
Let this part know I get it.
Of course,
If you do,
If you get it,
Let this part know.
I understand that.
I understand that you worry something can happen to you,
Something can happen to your kids.
Or to someone else that you are responsible for.
Let the Spartan know I understand your fear.
I understand your fear.
So You may go ahead and also ask.
How long?
You have been trying to help.
With this problem.
How long have you been working?
How long have you been in this role?
Of protecting,
Preventing,
Healing.
Controlling how long.
It's been.
Your job.
To prevent and protect.
And as we are discovering all this.
Let's continuously offer our compassion.
Our system every day.
Sometimes also at night.
Wakes us up at night and thinking.
And worrying.
Can we find a little bit of compassion for something in us that just really Doesn't drop,
Doesn't rest,
Doesn't let go,
Doesn't feel safe.
And there is one more question that you can ask this part.
How old do you think I am?
You can ask this stress inside your body,
This part of you that is anxious.
How old do you think I am?
Most of the time,
I hear from these parts,
From these protectors,
I think you're 3 years old,
5 years old,
10 years old.
Very,
Very often it's a single digit.
It's very early experiences.
And that means this Protector still believes we are 3 years old.
This protector still sees us as little helpless children that he needs to protect.
And sometimes it's very helpful for these hyper-alert parts to see our current age.
To see who we are today,
Our full size,
To see our body,
To see our safe place,
Our safe environment,
To update this protector.
And let the protector know.
I'm not three years old.
I'm not five years old.
Things are different today.
Hopefully,
Hopefully they are different today.
Hopefully.
Environment is more safe.
People are more safe.
Life feels more safe.
But sometimes some parts of us do not know that.
So they no matter how much we said are alive,
They still do not fully feel safe in the most safe relationship.
For a very long time when I.
.
.
Married my husband for a very long time,
Few years,
He couldn't believe it,
He didn't feel safe still.
It's sad,
But it's true.
So take a moment,
Update your part.
Your mature adult growing up.
It's important for protectors to see who you are today.
Usually,
That becomes a very Big shift in perspective.
The moment your protectors see you in your current age.
With your current ability to choose.
To get away from the danger.
To help you.
By what we now know.
You start.
If your part told you,
I think you're 10 years old.
That there is a 10-year-old part inside of you.
That this protector mistaken you for.
So this protector has been working all along for that 10-year-old part of you who experienced shock or freeze or something overwhelming.
In IFS we call these parts exiles.
And I recommend working with exiles in a one-to-one setting.
To make it truly safe.
I do not suggest working with our exiled parts in this type of events.
Because sometimes these parts need support and that needs to be delivered properly.
But it's just for us to know that the number your part,
Your protector,
Gave It's another part of you.
That got frozen in time,
That got stuck in time in that experience,
In that old experience,
That the anxiety is trying to control and prevent from.
And so we do this.
We update our protectors that now they are not alone.
We are also here,
And we are adults,
Grown up,
And we are mature,
And we've got this.
And we can run,
We can fight,
We can change,
We can leave,
We can respond,
We have power.
Responsibility.
We can respond.
We have choice,
We have agency,
We are bigger,
We are stronger,
We are more capable,
We are smarter.
Right?
So that's important.
Let's update our protectors.
So it's important.
Let our protectors know that today they are not alone and we're here.
We're here for them,
For our protectors,
And we're here for our young parts that experience some sort of negative experience.
It's very important.
So I invite you just to take a few moments.
If you still can be with your eyes closed,
That would be best.
If you still can have your hand on the body where you feel that stress,
Where you feel your protector or maybe you feel your exile.
And just sand yourself.
A very gentle wave of compassion.
Send yourself a gentle wave of compassion.
And sometimes we hold our parts,
We hug our parts,
We just make them feel safe,
Connected to us.
We make them feel not alone.
We let them know I've got you.
We're in this together.
And things are not as they used to be.
Is different.
Hopefully.
Send all the love to your protectors that are working Non-stop.
To try and keep you safe.
Send all the love to parts.
That might feel unsafe,
Insecure.
We are here for them.
We are the one they have been waiting for,
Indeed.
Take a long,
Deep breath.
Give yourself a beautiful,
Warm,
Loving hug.
Couple long deep breaths.
