A warm welcome to you.
If you've ever been given a hard time about your communication style or how you go about friendships or relationships in general,
This one's for you.
Many autistic people have been told that the way they prefer to communicate and maintain friendships isn't right.
That eye contact really matters,
Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
That small talk is required even when you find it boring,
Confusing or unnecessary.
That being direct means being insensitive.
That there is such a thing as asking too many questions.
That you should want a different kind of closeness than the one that actually feels good for you.
But the truth is,
Autistic people connect differently.
Not less or in the wrong ways.
And it's time that different doorways into closeness are accepted.
Humans are wired for connection.
Our nervous system is built with a whole social engagement system designed to help us feel safe with others.
For autistic people,
That system works.
It just often looks different on the outside than it does for neurotypical people.
No less real.
No less deep.
This practice is a small attempt to balance the scales.
A moment to realise it's okay to do relationships your way.
And that you already have people you connect with deeply.
In the ways that actually work for you.
So let's begin together now by getting comfortable.
Sitting or lying in a way that feels supportive.
Allowing your body to settle.
Eyes closing or gaze steady.
And at the outset,
I want you to know that there is no right or wrong way to meditate.
And that you don't have to follow all of my instructions word for word.
Feel free to make this practice work for you.
So we will begin with a nice simple practice that helps us come into our body and feel a bit more regulated.
We do this by first focusing our attention on our feet.
Really placing your attention there.
Paying attention to the parts of your feet that rest on the surface beneath you.
To any sensations connected to your skin,
The feel of socks or shoes.
Noticing the temperature of your feet.
Now moving your attention to your hips and pelvis.
These stabilizing bones.
And feeling how this part of you is supported by the surface below it.
Finally,
Feeling your shoulder blades.
Again maybe coming in contact with the back of the chair,
Couch or bed.
And now seeing if you can widen your awareness to take in your feet,
Hips and pelvis and shoulder blades all at once.
Can you let your body drop a little deeper into the support of whatever is beneath you?
Awesome.
Now I'd like you to think about someone you trust.
Someone you can be yourself around.
Maybe it's a family member,
A friend.
A teacher,
A pet.
Maybe it's someone from your past.
There's no right choice here.
Just trust whoever appeared in your memory.
Someone who accepts you for who you are.
Now imagining them sitting beside you.
If they are human,
Maybe noticing what they're wearing.
What you talk about,
The things you might do together.
If they are a pet,
You might reflect upon how they make you feel.
And as you imagine them here,
Noticing what happens in your own body.
Maybe you can relax a little.
Let your shoulders roll down your back.
Soften your forehead.
And clench your teeth.
Take a deep breath all the way into your belly.
As you picture or feel them sitting beside you.
You realise that there is nothing you need to do.
No particular way you need to act.
You are safe to be yourself.
And taking a few breaths into your belly.
Really opening to the possibility that this relationship is real.
It's safe.
And it helps your nervous system find regulation.
And if you can.
Seeing if you can name any of the qualities about this person.
Or this animal.
That you like.
Admire or enjoy being around.
Now bringing to mind a time you spent together.
Maybe doing something related to a special interest.
Maybe just chatting or hanging out without much talking at all.
Really getting a sense of you both enjoying each other's company.
Now let's turn this around.
Let's open to the possibility that this person who sits beside you feels your energy.
Your ways of showing up in the world.
And enjoys your company as much as you appreciate theirs.
I'm curious,
What does this person or pet love about you?
Maybe it's your honesty or loyalty.
The way you get enthusiastic talking about the things you care about.
The way you show up fully without pretending to be somebody else.
This isn't about being arrogant or overly self-assured.
It's about admitting to the truth that this person or pet values who you are deeply.
Listening to these phrases or repeating them silently in your mind if you like.
I care about people and pets,
And people and pets care about me.
My friendships and relationships are authentic and real.
It's okay to communicate and connect in ways that feel natural to me.
Taking three breaths deep into your belly.
Low and slow.
And noticing how you feel.
No right or wrong,
Just noticing.
Feeling the surface beneath you.
Wiggling your fingers and toes.
Perhaps taking a stretch if that feels good.
Opening your eyes when you're ready.
Thanks for sharing this practice with me.
I hope it was a lovely reminder to trust in your relationships and in your authentic way of connecting.
