Welcome to Life Unedited.
The Power of Radical Acceptance.
28 Theories of Living in Reality.
This is a series of practical strategies to use in life through the lens of reality for changing obstacles into opportunities.
I'm Tiffany and this is Theory 10.
Projection is Never Personal.
This practice naturally rides on the heels of All Communication is Projection,
Theory 9,
Because when we learn that all communication is projection,
It makes more sense that no communication is ever personal.
All we can ever speak about is ourselves,
Our thoughts,
Feelings,
Stories,
Experiences,
Memories,
Etc.
Even if I talk about my dogs,
I'm talking about my experience or my love of my dogs,
So it is still about me.
Let's consider a common situation.
A client shares that her partner calls her stupid and how it hurts her feelings.
First,
We talk about how All Communication is Projection and his calling her stupid is actually him projecting the way he feels about himself onto her.
He has the feelings and beliefs about himself that are unprocessed.
Second,
He saw something in the interaction with her that reminded him of those feelings or beliefs about himself.
The reminder caused some level of discomfort in him and because misery loves company,
Because he didn't know what to do with those feelings about himself and or because he wanted her to share his experience of those feelings,
He projected them onto her.
Third,
Accepting that he was projecting his stuff at her,
The client can see that it wasn't personal and choose not to be heard in that moment.
It is not nice when people say nasty things to one another.
However,
Knowing that it is not about us gives us space to take care of ourselves in those interactions and choose not only our feelings but also our responses accordingly.
This theory does not remove accountability from the other person.
They are responsible for what they say and we are responsible for how we choose to feel and whether to respond.
In fact,
By not accepting the hurtful thing and reacting from a place of strong emotion,
We are energetically deflecting the negativity back to the speaker.
If something is said to us that stings and sticks with us,
It is still not personal.
Yet it is an opportunity to explore that sting further,
To see where our unprocessed feelings are and how we can do some healing work on ourselves to alleviate the sting.
The same is true for compliments.
They're nice to hear so we can take them however we want and their intention is kind because the giver sees a positive in us that reminds them of a similar positive in themselves and decides to share that positive.
Understanding that projection is never personal gives us incredible power.
It allows us to respond instead of react,
To reflect instead of absorb and to find calm and clarity even in difficult moments.
