Welcome to Life Unedited.
The Power of Radical Acceptance.
28 Theories of Living in Reality.
This is a series of practical strategies to use in life through the lens of reality for changing obstacles into opportunities.
I'm Tiffany and this is Theory 12.
Manipulation.
Remembering we have choice.
We often think manipulation is something that happens to us,
But we can only be manipulated if we choose to participate.
The truth is,
Manipulation only works when we agree to engage.
Gaslighting.
A word we hear a lot these days.
This is a powerful example.
It's psychological in nature and happens when someone intentionally distorts reality to make the other person question their own perceptions,
Memories,
And or sanity.
Saying things like he manipulated me,
Or I was manipulated when,
Is actually giving away our power.
We are blaming someone else for our own choice.
We are not taking responsibility for that choice.
Remember,
We have agency,
Even though it may be hard to see at the time.
I must acknowledge that there certainly are extreme situations where people are forced,
Where choice is taken away.
This theory in no way minimizes these extreme cases.
It's in the conversations and interactions we experience daily where choice is available.
A more subtle form of manipulation is when we present information to another person in a way with the hope of shaping or steering their response to get what we want out of the conversation.
We definitely see this in advertising and it also happens in real life.
When we listen to what is being said to us,
Remember that all communication is projection of the speaker and do not take their words personally.
We have a choice to pause and consider our response.
One sign of manipulation is when we feel like we have to defend ourselves in a conversation.
In healthy relationships,
We do not have to defend ourselves like we are on trial.
We can have productive back and forth dialogues about our intentions,
Differing positions,
And decisions.
We do not have to prove those to our partner who is judging us wrong because whatever we intended,
Did,
Or decided was not right in their opinion.
It was not what they would have done and did not meet their expectations.
Manipulation is a way of giving other people power over us,
Saying they were responsible for our feelings,
Words,
Decisions,
Or behaviors.
This makes us a victim of someone else.
Again,
I reiterate that there are severe situations where someone's choice is taken away and they are indeed forced into a position of being victimized.
But in the moments where we do have a choice,
Seeing manipulation for what it is reminds us that we don't have to defend ourselves,
We don't have to blame,
And we are fully responsible for our own experience.
The intention of recognizing manipulation in everyday interactions helps us to stay in our power by remembering that we have choice.
