Welcome to Life Unedited.
The Power of Radical Acceptance.
28 Theories of Living in Reality.
This is a series of practical strategies to use in life through the lens of reality,
For changing obstacles into opportunities.
I'm Tiffany and this is Theory 17.
Feelings.
Adjectives with power.
Define feelings.
What are they?
We think that feelings are emotions or moods.
Truth be told,
We use those words interchangeably,
And in doing so,
Have basically worked ourselves out of a viable definition of feelings that everyone can agree on.
How about changing the question from what are feelings to what do feelings do?
Simply put,
Feelings describe a human state.
No more,
No less.
And if we go back to grammar class,
Which part of speech describes a noun?
Adjectives.
Feelings describe human states and human states are nouns.
Adjectives describe nouns.
Thus,
Feelings must be adjectives.
So,
Feelings describe.
That's it.
That is simply what they do.
Why have we given so much power and responsibility to them?
Think about how often we say,
I said that because I was angry or I was frustrated and I snapped,
Suggesting that a feeling was responsible for our reaction.
If a feeling describes our current emotional state,
Then it cannot be a cause.
The reality is that we can be angry and not say or do anything.
We can choose not to react and maybe even choose instead to sit with the feeling.
Notice that I said choose.
Not only are we responsible for choosing our behaviors,
But we are actually responsible for choosing our feelings.
I write that with trepidation because many people are unwilling to consider the fact that our feelings do not just happen to us.
In our reactionary,
Fast-paced society,
We have accepted that feelings happen,
Cause reactions,
And are normal,
Acceptable,
And expected.
If angry,
Then yell.
If sad,
Then cry.
If frustrated,
Then throw something.
We have not learned or been taught to pause in between the if and the then.
When we do pause and consider the feeling,
We open options to choose what comes next.
We respond rather than react.
We can also change how we are feeling or choose not to respond at all.
Now let's consider one of the most overused statements ever.
We have to get our feelings out.
Do we?
Well,
We are told that if we don't,
Then we are bottling them up and then at some future date we stand the risk of them all blowing up like a powder keg.
When we do not outwardly express a feeling,
It dissipates.
But if I don't get it out,
Then my feelings will hurt me or someone else.
No,
Our reaction to the feeling can hurt ourselves or someone else.
No one has ever died from a feeling.
People can choose to be hurt by what we do in response to a feeling.
Feelings are powerful,
But they are not in charge.
We are.
