Hi,
I'm Tiffany,
And welcome to Life Unedited Sanctuary,
Where reality happens.
Life Unedited is about the practice of radical acceptance through the lens of reality therapy theories.
This theory is a personal account of how an ego lesson leads to reconnection with joy.
Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung have been referred to as founding pioneers of psychoanalysis,
The beginnings of psychology and talk therapy.
Loosely,
Their definition is that ego is the mediator that balances rational thought.
As a reality therapist,
I don't subscribe to that definition of ego.
I had to dig deeper.
Then I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
His explanation of ego based on Toltec wisdom resonated much more intrinsically with me and my practice of radical acceptance based in reality therapy.
Paraphrasing Ruiz,
The ego is more of a story creator in our mind.
It is our judge and jury based on those created stories,
Which are rarely based in fact or truth.
They are stories to support a subconscious belief that we are not good enough.
I built my entire professional practice and personal walk based on that paraphrased definition of ego,
Among other reality theories,
Because nearly everything clients come into therapy for is rooted in their subconscious belief that they are not good enough,
And the fear that they will die not being able to prove that they are.
They are too attached to their ego belief.
I have been a reality therapist for 21 years,
And I am also a human being who experiences obstacles,
Ups and downs,
Trials and tribulations,
And difficulties.
I can be my own case study.
Very recently,
For four solid days,
I was in a rather serious battle with my ego,
And the battle really took me for a wild ride.
We don't grow when we are comfortable.
And I was having a doozy of a growth spurt.
This is a walk through my most recent ego obstruction.
I am sharing in hopes of listeners resonating in their own personal ways and maybe finding some wisdom to incorporate into their own journey.
I also wanted to convey vulnerability and transparency from my profession as a counselor who is first a human being,
Like my clients.
Finally,
It was important for me to demonstrate all the strategies I tapped into on my journey through the experience.
Seeking out and asking for help is a strength that I am gaining.
It began when I received an email from a platform I post my work on asking teachers of that platform to consider making a video introducing their area of specialty to help viewers better understand and search for information related to their specific needs.
I'm not a fan of video,
And I begrudgingly do it for self-marketing purposes,
So I thought I would challenge myself to make an introductory video.
There was a recommended time limit,
So I wrote up a script of key concepts related to my specialty,
Radical acceptance,
Through the lens of reality therapy.
Then I sat down to make my video and I lost count of how many takes I did that afternoon.
In between the takes,
One or another of my dogs would nudge me and try to get my attention.
Because they were sensing my frustrated energy.
Finally took a break when all three dogs had given up and left the room because of that energy.
Our fur friends are sensitive that way,
And mine are no exception.
In fact,
I believe they oftentimes know what I am feeling even before I do.
As I was recording take after take after take,
The voice inside my head was growing increasingly more insistent and louder.
It was saying pretty horrible things like,
You're stupid,
You're a fraud,
No one will listen to this,
You don't know what you're doing.
I was having a full-blown imposter syndrome meltdown inside of my head,
And my dogs tried to help.
When I wasn't responsive to them,
They needed to make a bigger statement to me and wanted no part of that energy,
So they left the room.
I noticed that,
Stopped videoing,
Took some deep breaths,
And went to find my pups,
Apologize,
And love on them.
My ego played a couple key roles in that entire experience.
I believe it kicked in when I read the email.
Our ego is a metaphorical double-edged sword.
On one hand,
It is our own worst enemy,
Judging,
Convicting,
And sentencing us based on made-up stories supporting our core belief that we are not good enough.
It seeks out information in a confirmation bias-seeking kind of way to prove our belief.
On the other hand,
It motivates us to do better,
Jump higher,
Run faster,
In an effort to quash that belief that we are not good enough.
To prove ourselves to ourselves.
We put a lot of energy into trying to prove ourselves externally in an attempt to prove ourselves internally.
Making the introduction video was outside of my comfort zone,
And it was a way for me to grow,
In essence,
To prove myself to me.
The other role my ego played was in all the takes I attempted.
None of them were good enough.
Ego was judging me with an unrealistic eye of perfection.
It's almost as if,
At some point,
Ego took over and the horrible,
Damning self-talk began.
I talk to clients all the time about these types of experiences and thought I could overcome.
I could walk my talk through this.
And I would eventually do that.
Four days,
A lot of internal harassment,
A Facebook post,
And a meeting with my counselor,
Who doesn't like to call it counseling,
But rather guidance,
Later.
Day two,
I tried to record at my office.
Change of venue.
I thought it could be the magic necessary to get it right.
And I had to talk myself back down to a grounded state before seeing my clients that day.
That kind of reinforced the imposter syndrome story my ego was shouting at me.
What would my clients think if they knew what was going on inside of my head?
I really might be a fraud.
After working that morning,
I had a birth chart reading which had been scheduled a couple of days before the email arrived.
I wanted to include this piece as one of the most impactful statements the reader said to me in that reading was,
You have lost your joy.
I mean,
He was spot on.
In that moment,
I was not certain what to do with that reality,
And little did I know that it was going to reveal itself on the other side of all of this.
Day 3.
I woke up hopeful with another idea.
Lose the script.
I do so much better impromptu.
I mean,
I know this stuff.
I have been living and teaching it for 21 years.
It worked.
Or so I thought.
I got the video and without even reviewing or editing it,
I began the upload process.
Another roadblock.
It was not recorded in the correct format.
Okay,
I got this.
I researched how to convert it to the required format.
Download an app and hit the convert button.
Again tried to upload and my three-minute video had somehow been expanded to nine minutes 48 seconds six minutes 48 seconds too long I had to sit with the reality that maybe I was just not supposed to share this introductory video at all.
Maybe I wasn't good enough.
The fourth day of this discomfort was the breakthrough day.
I instinctively recorded the previously mentioned Facebook post sharing my walk with imposter syndrome and feeling like a fraud in one take and unedited.
Just sharing my authenticity and vulnerability.
It was rather freeing.
I felt lighter.
An hour later was my guidance appointment and in the first minute I unloaded the whole story.
I surprised myself by becoming emotional and even tying my feeling fake to my realization that I did not know what joy is.
Where the heck did that come from?
Oh yeah,
My birth chart reading.
Okay,
I wanted to see how this all unraveled.
Fifty minutes later,
I had not only experienced joy,
I had also shared joy with my counselor and could give examples of how it manifested in my life rather often.
I just hadn't recognized it was joy when it had happened.
I was also able to identify the ego curveball the universe had sent me via email.
We were able to tease out all the knots in my tangled mess of old ego stories and weave together a cohesive tapestry of confidence sprinkled with joy.
I've now watched the unscripted,
Unedited video and still haven't uploaded it.
I'm okay with that.
The lesson was the game.
Identifying and walking through that stuck ego story was instantly uncomfortable and ultimately refreshing.
In the God Note,
A course I was doing on Insight Timer while I was going through all of this,
The teacher,
Charles Fraley,
Said,
When we get weighed down by the gravity of ego,
It's because we are being stretched too far from God.
That sentence hit me like a lightning bolt.
Ego was pulling me away from Source,
Trying to keep me separate rather than united with Universe.
It was not a coincidence I heard that lesson the day after the breakthrough.
Both clarity and closure.
I shared earlier that making videos of myself is way outside my comfort zone.
This was a challenge to push me to grow in many ways.
Ego recognizes growth possibilities and fights diligently to throw up every roadblock possible to prevent that growth.
Ego wants to stay stuck in the comfortable stories.
The weird thing is that the comfortable stories are mostly harsh,
Unkind,
Made up,
And riddled with untruths.
What makes it weird is that we are comfortable with that negative.
It is our ego normal.
Ego is steeped in fear,
Fear of non-existence.
And that non-existence is ultimately death.
What a growth spurt.
I am neither stupid nor a fraud.
People may or may not listen to my stuff,
And that is none of my business.
I may or may not know how to do some things.
However,
I am 100% able to learn to do them.
I can ask someone to help me,
Or I could possibly get someone to do it for me.
The added bonus was my reconnection with joy,
And maybe that was the real reason for the universe curveball.
Either way,
I am thankful for the opportunity to walk through the discomfort and gain an understanding for myself,
As well as for clients,
Friends,
And others.
I am good enough and I am a work in progress.
What a joyful blessing.
