I tell my therapist,
It feels like time is slipping out of my hands.
Like days,
Weeks,
Months are dropping feverishly into the belly of the hourglass unnoticed.
Which is to say,
My one wild and precious life is curled up at my feet,
Soaking in the steady crackle of the fireplace,
Breathing in and out molasses slow,
While I chase the promise of a finished to-do list.
I tell my therapist,
I am having trouble receiving compliments,
And I am learning there is a certain kind of armor I must wear in order to constantly stay in motion,
Much like a freight train or a steamboat,
Not like the animals who honor the cycles of the seasons.
Even still,
I know I am made of the same rhythms that tell bears when to hibernate.
I've spent enough time waiting for just the right light to coax the courage in my chest to blossom.
Tell me,
When will I see through this charade of enoughness,
This never-ending task of needing more and being more in order to feel worthy,
As if I am not already made of the same intelligence that builds a bird's nest out of everything the storm left behind?
When I focus on my breath,
My world expands outward in a million directions.
I feel the machinery of my body slowing down,
Like a prayer spilling into the golden palms of an all-knowing being.
I savor each one of these syllables falling like rainwater on a thirsty desert.
I know this is the most important task I will ever do.
I release the urgency that was forced upon me by a system designed to exploit my labor.
I release the need for urgency where intention would be better suited.
I repeat,
I am not a cog in the machine.
I am inherently worthy,
Just because I exist,
Not because of how much I get done in a day.
Despite all the ways capitalism tries to convince me otherwise,
I am not separate from nature and all of its magic.
With each inhale,
I slow down and connect with the abundance of this moment.
This world was meant for all of us to live authentically,
Fully and vibrantly connected to our hearts and to each other.
I was never supposed to do this on my own.
I let go of the need to have it all figured out.
I regularly commit to my values and my beliefs,
And it is easy for me to see what is mine and what belongs to systems of power that benefit from me not trusting myself.
My wildness is a gift to myself and a lighthouse for others.
I allow myself the process and time it takes to shed,
Evolve,
Forgive,
Heal and grieve.
My breath is a portal into the creative intelligence of the present moment.
I slow down,
I let go,
And ease,
Clarity,
Creativity and spaciousness follow.