Hey,
My name's Zahreet.
And I think I've just had one of the biggest realizations of my life.
For years,
I thought I had anxious attachment.
And I do.
But I thought the problem was that I outsourced my worth to relationships.
And what I'm realizing now is that I've outsourced my worth to my entire life.
Relationships were just one way that I did it.
I remember how terrifying it felt to ask someone I was dating.
To have a phone call.
Or to ask if they wanted to spend more time together.
For the longest time,
I thought I was afraid that they would reject me.
But that wasn't actually the fear.
The fear was what would their rejection mean about me?
Because if they said no,
My nervous system didn't hear,
They're just busy.
It heard,
See,
You're not worth choosing.
That person,
Whether it was my partner or someone I was dating,
Had quietly become responsible for proving that I mattered.
And once I saw that,
I started noticing I was doing it everywhere.
I wasn't only asking my relationships to prove my worth,
I was asking my company to prove it,
My body to prove it,
My success to prove it.
I even asked my own happiness to prove it.
If my retreats filled,
I mattered.
If my company was having a slow month,
Maybe I didn't matter.
If I felt amazing the way I looked at my body,
Then I mattered.
If I gained weight,
Maybe I didn't.
If I had the best experience at a festival,
Then I mattered.
But if I didn't,
Something must be wrong with me.
Nothing was ever just an experience.
Everything became evidence.
Evidence if I was worthy.
Or evidence that I wasn't.
And that.
Is so exhausting.
Because no external thing can carry that responsibility forever.
Relationships change,
Our bodies change.
Businesses change.
And life changes.
And If your worth rises and falls with all of those things,
And you're never actually free.
What feels different now for me is that I'm not trying to build a better life so that I can finally feel worthy.
I'm learning to stop asking my life to answer that question.
Because maybe my worth was never supposed to be proven.
Maybe it was supposed to be lived.
Here in the now.
I'm still in this process.
And I'm not sharing this because.
.
.
I'm healed.
Or I've arrived.
I'm sharing it because I wonder if you've quietly built parts of yourself around proving your worth too.
If this resonates,
Just know that you're not alone.
I also work with so many people who have discovered the same thing.
And even though it's hard,
The beautiful thing about seeing these structures Are these band aids is that once you see them you don't have to keep living inside of them.
That's where we become free.
