We live in this deeply interconnected world And yet Now more than ever we feel more isolated Emotionally,
Mentally we feel extremely isolated And physically we have camouflaged Our isolation as independence The more civilized,
Quote unquote civilized,
A society has gotten The more isolation it feels at an individual level Everything is a transaction That needs to exchange money Living or vibrating at this interconnectedness of this entire universe At a nature level,
At a people level,
At a family level,
At a friends level Requires humility,
Mindfulness,
Generosity,
Skill So in addition to this understanding that This life is not meant to be lived and operated alone We need to have humility That I don't know everything I can't buy everything I can't figure out everything That is why there is so much anxiety,
Stress,
Overwhelm In this so called civilized society Because we are trying to do this all alone As our workplace has become more and more remote Or hybrid This overwhelming anxiety Has become inseparable From our life because we are working sort of alone Just like in Africa there is a proverb which says You need a village to raise a child We are still being raised by nature We also need a village I heard someone say this on a podcast that This village was free To all of us But as we have moved and evolved into this civilized society Now we have to buy our village We have to hire babysitters,
We have to hire drivers,
Maids All those things that were a part of coexistence Now needs to be bought Because at an inherently deep level We are interconnected The more severed,
Cut off we are The more our survival instincts kick in That's why Our mind is hyper vigilant all the time There is no rest Because we have to figure out everything Businesses have been set up to kind of do this for us But if we zoomed in you will realize Everyone is still as isolated as they were A little more broke I find it particularly interesting that Asking for help is so difficult Because then I would owe you one Then I would need to accept that I don't know how to do this Then I will have to pay you back in some way Especially in kind And I have run these experiments Where I have asked people to pay it forward instead of paying me And they have just been dumbfounded They would rather pay me back Or pay me the money than pay it forward We struggle alone in different parts of our life Because we don't know what to do And Since now everything is on YouTube Allegedly Everything can be learnt So I don't need you What if we Were honest Vulnerable and said I don't know this Can you help me please?
What if someone Who has already offered you help What if you reached out to them and Took up their offer And not be in a rush to pay it off So that you would feel This burden Dropped away In a few seconds When you are in a village You Help each other The other person might not need help right away So you have to carry That help The idea,
The memory of that help from someone And pay it forward Pay it back to them When the time is necessary This requires mindfulness This requires Generosity But the more isolated we are The more Selfish We become Not in a traditional Definition of selfish But we don't want Anything That we owe to anyone Everything is a transaction That has to be closed And that's why all of us are suffering Disconnected Overwhelmed Isolated Anxious We are even raising our kids to be so Isolated and Quote on quote Independent That they have to figure out everything By themselves And I understand Don't get me wrong That We all need to be independent At a physical,
Mental,
Emotional level But this Isolation Is never a part of independence It's a misunderstanding Of all us Smart people And that has now become the culture We need to have vested interest In each other's lives Because Our lives are intertwined I need to look after my kids I need to look after my neighbours My neighbours need to look after me But we have raised a fence We have put cameras We don't even know our neighbours' names Because we don't need to We have boxed ourselves In this Undivided life And that's why Even if I asked you To run an experiment To ask Someone for help Or even worse I asked you To Offer someone help It would be Tremendously Uncomfortable Not for all But definitely for most This pseudo-image of ours That we have portrayed That If you don't know everything If you can't figure it out alone You are weak That's how This entire ideology Has been sold To us On a flimsy Non-existent Mental image Of us But together We are smarter than Any of us And once we start Helping each other We connect At such a deep level And I see this Again and again In my life Where I've gone first And the other person Has met me there Or the other person Has gone first And I had to meet them In kind In generosity And this Sheds off masks That Deeply Posture A friendship That would have been Non-existent That transcends Age Gender Ethnicity Nationality Because now We are real Independence Privacy Has been stretched Too far And we have boxed Ourselves I remember being in Grad school 15 years ago 16 years ago And I had a friend In another lab Who had a particular Equipment that I Wanted to use For my Thesis experiment And I just asked him Can I use it And I could And I ran the experiment And then I told my Lab mate That hey This third floor lab Has this equipment And I was able To run this experiment And he asked me How did you find out I said I have a friend And he said I have a Friend in that lab too But we never talk We only play video Games together And then go home That's why The word community Has been floating Around so much Now Because Businesses have Recognized that We need community And they have Packaged that As a product To us Yes online communities Are needed But we are already Part of our communities Every person we Interact with In our neighborhood At work Around us Is a part of Our community Yes there's a Courage Needed to go first First in being generous Courage is needed First in Asking for help Even more Courage is needed A lot more patience And courage is needed After you have asked For help And after you have Been helped To not close it off As a transaction By Giving them Giving them a gift And closing it Yes we should Give something But that's not The closure Of The transaction We are not absorbed When we see Help Being given to us It forces us To help And I'm a product Of help Right from Eleventh grade I had someone Who helped me financially Spiritually Mentally To guide me All along All that Point to the All the way To the point Where I came to the US And then I found Other mentors Who got me Who helped me On the path of Happiness And peace On the path of Health and Fitness There was no way I would have figured All this out Alone And I owe it To all of them I do not want To Close the transaction By paying off Their debt In money I want to be in debt That's the humility That makes me Keep offering Help To those in need This mentor of mine Who I'm talking about Who met me at When I was Sixteen years old He had a poem Behind his desk It was in a Native language Of Marathi But I'll try to Translate it in English For you It said The giver should Continue to give And the taker Should continue To take Or the receiver Should continue To receive But while Receiving From this giver The receiver Should also Receive the hands Of the giver And this metaphor Of receiving the hands Demonstrates that The receiver We should receive The quality of giving The quality of asking We can't afford To be more isolated We can't afford To be more overwhelmed We can't figure out Everything By ourselves We can't take care Of all our responsibilities Alone We need help Just like there is a Concept of Keeping your tab open At a bar I want you to keep Your tab open In life Of receiving help Never close it off If you don't close off The tab You are in debt And that kind of debt Is good for the Arrogant mind So that We are forced to give Not to that person only But we are a part Of a Larger Mechanism Larger Interdependence Nothing I am Telling you is easy But suffering Is not easy either Being isolated That Ball in your stomach Feeling The overwhelm That we feel The anxiety That we feel Of being alone Is unnecessary Just like together We are smarter than All of us Together we are happier Than Living separate That is why In the Indian tradition When they sit down To Eat a meal There is a Gratitude A thanks Given to Everyone Who has contributed To this meal Including The farmers The rain The people who have Cooked it The people who have Sold The groceries It seems Mechanical To do But it reminds you That Just Getting a meal Can be a sign of Interdependence Or it can be a sign of Selfishness And independence Only one is truer The other one is Merely abstract You know the mind Comes up with crazy ideas Sometimes To camouflage this Isolation This lack of Courage to go first This lack of Patience of Carrying the burden of Help It will retaliate And suffer even more By saying I'm alone It's easy for you to say Because you have This great friends Great family Great spouse Great kids I don't have this This constant sense of Lack Is also Something to Watch out for It's also a Contributor of Rationalizing our Separation Because we cannot Handle Courage We can't summon The courage We can't handle The burden Then We take the route Of entitlement The mind Takes the route Of entitlement So each one of us Has come up with A different Set of Prison Walls of different Materials for our prison But the prison is the same Of isolation Of Separation Of false pride Of entitlement Of overwhelm Of anxiety And yes We might think that Somebody else Should go first And then I can follow Because I don't know How to be generous But this Pump of life Needs to be primed We have to go first Always The one who has to go first Is the one who has thought of it Who has heard These words They always have to go first Because They know it They know that they have to go first For someone who has not Heard these words They are off the hook Once we know Once we understand That yes I am suffering Yes I am isolated At that point We can't unsee What we have seen We can't un-understand What we have understood We can pretend But sooner or later You will take the first step And I invite you to go first Sooner Go first in asking Go first in giving Go first in holding And then giving To all and everyone Who you can It doesn't have to be money All the time Your presence Your words Your hug Might be enough Most of the time Thank you
