I have a 13 month old and a 16 year old bonus son.
And I am very abundant with life.
And I know the importance firsthand of self-care.
And today I'm going to share with you the power and importance of self-care as a mama.
And maybe some of you are working mamas as well,
Which is another element.
And today I will share with you why self-care is absolutely essential and how you can make self-care a non-negotiable part of your everyday life.
But first.
I want to share a personal story with you.
Now at the time of recording this,
My daughter is 13 months.
And when she was born,
I stopped all self-care.
And my mental health.
Started to really suffer.
However,
I caught it very quickly,
Which I'm really grateful for.
And so I began to implement self-care back into my life.
I'm so glad that I just didn't stay stuck in that cycle of negative thinking.
So I started small and I started to implement self-care back into my life.
And it started with having bath.
To help with the healing from birth.
That was the first step.
I would just have a 15 minute bath when she was asleep.
And then from there,
I started looking after my body.
I would give myself self-love massages and just taking care of my physical appearance.
And then I asked for help from my mother-in-law and we eventually hired some help in our home.
And then I started meditating once a day.
And after seven weeks,
I began moving my body again.
Now these acts of self-care made such a massive difference to my physical and mental health.
And because of those,
I was able to really enjoy my postpartum period.
And I didn't experience postpartum depression or anxiety,
Which is something that's really common these days.
Because of my self-care.
I was able to really enjoy these beautiful,
Fresh days with my babe.
Now,
Some of you may not have just had a baby,
But everyone has been through the pandemic over the past few years.
And many women.
Were forced inside their homes to homeschool their children,
And maybe to still work all at the same time.
So I understand that self-care may have been pushed to the bottom of your to-do list.
I'm sure a lot of you are like,
Yes,
Yes,
That was me.
I get it.
However,
In times of uncertainty,
When we feel the most.
Stretched.
This is when we need to get creative and use our powerful mothering creative power so that we can make sure we are still taking care of ourselves.
Because.
.
.
The mother.
Their energy dictates the energy of the entire home.
The mother is the heartbeat of the home.
When we feel tired,
Angry,
Frustrated,
Resentful,
Whatever it is.
Everyone feels it.
What we feel our kids and our partner feels.
And this isn't just for in our home as well.
Every room we walk into.
Everyone in that room feels our energy.
So the mother is the heartbeat of the home.
What you feel,
Everyone feels.
So if you are stressed,
Overwhelmed,
Cranky,
Or anything else,
The entire ecosystem of the home is affected.
This is why it is imperative that you take care of yourself.
And I'll share how to do that in these sorts of situations in this modern world in a moment.
But first,
You need to understand that self-care doesn't have to look a certain way.
It doesn't have to be four hours at the spa or weekends away or three hour morning routines.
And all of those things.
Are beautiful and delicious.
And if they light you up,
Do it,
Go for it.
Absolutely.
End.
Self-care,
As you will learn after today's session.
Can literally be three minutes.
First thing in the morning.
Or five minutes whilst your kids are sleeping.
So just suspend your disbelief and stay open to creative solutions for how you can take your self-care to the next level,
How you can implement more self-care into your life.
Let's just suspend your disbelief,
Pop your inner critic,
Or I call your inner mean girl on mute.
And stay open to creative solutions of how we can implement more self-care into your day.
Because you matter too.
I remember in my early days of breastfeeding my daughter.
There was a time where It was very painful.
I had a cut in my nipple.
And my lactation consultant said to me,
Melissa,
You don't have to push through this.
That painful,
It was so painful that I was crying when I was breastfeeding.
She said,
Melissa,
You matter too.
And this weight was lifted off my shoulders and I was like,
Yes.
I matter too.
I matter too.
And you matter too,
My mama.
And you matter too,
Beautiful mama.
So don't forget that.
So if you've got a pen and paper,
Maybe you want to write some of these things down.
But let's first talk about why self-care is so important.
Why is self-care essential?
The first reason.
It is so important because it allows you to show up as the best version of yourself.
When you are filling yourself up,
When you are overflowing with love.
You can then show up to your children,
To your partner,
To your friends,
To your work colleagues as the best version of you.
When you are empty.
You've got nothing to give.
When you are full and overflowing,
You have so much love and energy to give.
So don't forget that.
The second reason is the mother dictates the energy in the home.
If you are happy.
Everything flows.
If you are happy.
Everyone else around you feels that.
Self-care also boosts your mental and physical health.
It also reduces or eliminates anxiety and depression,
Which over the past couple of years,
Many people have been experiencing.
Self-care reduces your stress.
It improves your concentration.
It minimizes frustration,
Resentment,
And anger.
It increases your overall happiness.
It improves your energy and so much more.
I could go on and on and on about the benefits of self-care.
But you know,
You know how good it feels when you fill yourself up.
You know how good it feels when you take time for yourself.
And when you do fill yourself up,
When you take time for you,
The universe notices.
And the universe is like,
Wow.
I'm gonna really support her.
She loves herself.
She's taking time for herself.
I'm gonna support her.
So self-care.
Is not only important for you,
It's important for everyone around you.
So now we all know the importance of self-care.
What are the things that stop us?
Mamas,
What are the things that stop us?
So,
The biggest thing that stops us.
.
.
Is guilt.
Is this mama guilt,
Which I'm going to talk about in a moment.
But this mama guilt comes from,
Like I said before,
Your inner mean girl.
Your inner mean girl is that voice inside your head,
Or you can call it your inner critic,
Whatever you want to call it.
That is that voice inside your head that says you're not good enough.
You're not doing enough.
Who do you think you are taking time for yourself?
Your kids need you.
Your partner needs you.
You're so selfish.
That voice inside your head.
So I want you all to close your eyes for a moment.
And I want you to.
Visualize that voice inside your head that says those mean and negative things to you.
Really visualize that voice.
What does she look like or he?
What are they wearing?
Where are they?
Are they sitting on your shoulder,
On your head?
Are they in front of you?
Is it you?
Is it someone else?
Now give that inner mean girl a name.
Maybe it's just mean girl.
Or maybe it's a completely different name.
And I want you to think about all of the things that she says to you.
When it comes to self-care.
And when you're ready.
You can write them all down.
Who do you think you are?
You don't have time.
To look after yourself.
Your kids need you.
Don't be so selfish.
Whatever it is,
Get it all out and write it down.
Now I want you to look at this list.
And ask yourself,
If your child or children.
Said those things to themselves How would you feel?
If my daughter.
.
.
Said to me,
Or I heard her saying,
I don't deserve to take care of myself.
My heart We'd break.
If she said,
Mama,
I don't have time to look after myself.
Mama,
It's selfish.
That I go and look after myself.
I would sit her down.
And I would say to her,
Baby girl.
You matter.
You are worthy of filling yourself up.
In fact,
It's essential so that you can show up as the best version of you.
So now with this piece of paper in front of you,
With everything that your inner mean girl says to you about self-care.
Including you should feel guilty.
I want you to rip up that piece of paper.
Rip it up into a.
Million pieces.
Rip it up.
Because our children are watching us.
They are learning about self-care by watching us.
And if you want your children to grow up taking care of themselves.
And to not feel guilty for it.
We have to model that for them first.
Monkey see,
Monkey do.
Children are so intelligent.
They are sponges and they are watching everything.
That we are.
My 13-month-year-old,
She doesn't have a hairbrush.
I was brushing my hair one day.
She immediately goes up to the hairbrush and she knows what to do with it.
I have cloths that I wipe the bench down with.
She goes up to those cloths.
She knows exactly what to do with them,
With the vacuum,
With the mob.
She picks them up and she just.
.
.
Starts doing the things that I do.
They learn.
By watching us.
So if we want to raise.
Confident.
Empowered,
Well adjusted.
Humans who take care of themselves,
Who love themselves.
Guess what?
We have to be that first.
So let go of that guilt.
Rip up your piece of paper and commit today to never saying those things on that piece of paper ever again.
Make a commitment today.
Do it for yourself and do it for your children.
And if one of those things ever comes up again,
You can simply remind yourself,
Oh,
That's right.
I got rid of that story.
I got rid of that.
I ripped it up and I put it in the bin.
Melissa told me that I should get rid of it.
I got rid of it.
And come back to your center,
Your beautiful mothering center.
And remind yourself that they are watching and they are learning.
By what we do.
So come back to your center.
So,
What else stops us?
From taking care of ourselves.
A bit of society.
You know,
Society tells us that we can't take care of ourselves the story,
The narrative around it's selfish.
But again.
Let's write down everything that society tells us about self-care.
Let's rip it up.
And choose not to let that be part of our reality,
Not to be part of our story,
Not to be part of something that we subscribe to.
Let's unsubscribe to that story from now on.
It is essential.
It is absolutely essential.
Because our children are watching.
I want to invite you now.
To close your eyes.
And take in a really deep,
Beautiful breath.
And let it out through your mouth.
And keeping your eyes closed.
I'm going to guide you on a letting go meditation,
Letting go of the guilt meditation.
Keep breathing deeply.
Breathe all of your energy in through your nose.
And out through your nose.
And breathe your energy down into the very pit of your belly.
And then out.
And relaxing your body.
If there's any tension in your body,
You can simply let it go.
Just allow yourself to fully be here.
Pop your inner main girl on mute.
If she tries to pull you out of the present moment,
Just come back.
To your breath You can slightly turn up the corners of your mouth.
Give yourself a little smile.
Smiling.
Regulates your nervous system.
It calms your nervous system and gets you out.
Or fight or flight and back into rest and digest,
Get you back into the parasympathetic and out of the sympathetic.
So smile as much as you can.
I invite you now to Think about all of the things that your inner main girl says to you about self-care.
Including you should feel guilty.
And I invite you to put that feeling of guilt.
Into a balloon.
A helium balloon.
A light blue helium balloon.
So all of the things that your inner mean girl has said to you.
Put those stories into the balloon and the feeling of guilt into that balloon.
Put everything in there.
And once it's inside you can tie it off.
Take a deep breath in.
And exhale.
And take another deep breath in.
And exhale.
And I want you to visualize yourself.
Holding on.
To the end of that balloon really,
Really tightly.
And I want you to squeeze both of your fists right now.
I want you to clench both of your fists really,
Really tight into a ball,
Into a ball,
Into a ball.
Hold them tight.
Keep squeezing.
Take a deep breath in.
And on the exhale,
I want you to release your hands and let that balloon float up.
Into the sky.
Visualize it.
See that balloon floating up away with all of your stories.
With all of your guilt.
Floating away and getting smaller and smaller.
And smaller.
Until it is literally.
A tiny,
Tiny back in the sky And eventually.
.
.
It's gone.
Your guilt is gone.
You're in a mean go.
Stories are gone.
And you're left with.
A relaxed.
Open palm.
An open heart.
And in your center.
How does that feel?
Breathe into that feeling.
And take a deep breath in.
And exhale.
And take another deep breath in.
And exhale.
Breathe up that beautiful,
Juicy feeling.
And exhale.
And just remember that that feeling of expansion,
Of lightness.
Of being in your center.
Is only a breath away.
Take another deep breath in.
And exhale.
And when you're ready.
You can slowly open your eyes.
How does that feel?
All of your guilt,
All of your stories around self-care,
They're all gone now.
They have gone forever.
If you do,
However,
Feel yourself.
With one of those stories swirling away inside you,
Or maybe that guilt pops up.
Just come back here and do this meditation.
Come back anytime.
And do this meditation Now that that guilt and all of those stories are gone.
How?
Do we take care of ourselves?
Let's put in an action plan.
Like what does this actually look like?
Okay.
So grab your pen and paper.
You are going to create what I call a self-love menu.
Okay,
So a self-love menu is basically a menu of.
.
.
Everything that lights you up,
That makes you feel overflowing,
Okay?
Overflowing with love.
And energy.
So,
You can call this your self-love menu or your self-care menu.
So I want you to write that on the top of your piece of paper.
If you're typing into your computer,
You can type that at the top.
Self-love menu or self-care menu,
Whatever resonates most with you.
Now,
I want you to write down 10 things that fill you up.
Now,
These are things that you do on your own.
So this is not to do with anyone else.
These are solo activities.
Just for you.
So,
For example,
Watching the sunrise.
Having a cup of tea on the balcony.
Letting the sun kiss my skin.
Diving in the ocean.
Washing my hair,
Shaving my legs.
Giving myself a full body.
Abhyanga Self Love Massage.
Watching the sunset.
Cooking a beautiful,
Delicious,
Nourishing,
Healthy meal.
Packing it up and taking it outside and eating it in the sunshine.
Reading a book in bed.
Take a moment now.
To create your menu.
We want at least.
.
.
10 things on this menu.
If you have more,
Go for it.
Keep writing,
Keep writing,
But at least 10.
Some other things could be yoga at home.
Meditation.
It could be making yourself a beautiful hot drink and curling up in bed.
Drinking that or listening to some beautiful music.
Being in the garden.
Having a goddess bath with Epsom salts and essential oils.
Washing and just doing your hair you know sometimes I just wash my hair but then doing it so good.
Giving yourself a facial,
Giving yourself an at-home body scrub,
Making your own body scrub and then giving yourself a body scrub.
Going for a walk in nature.
I mean,
The list goes on and on and on.
And what you can do.
.
.
Is also get your kids to create their own.
Self-care menu.
Get them to think about 10 things that light them up.
And then once you both have your menus and you can print these out and you can make it beautiful,
You can do whatever you want,
Or it can just be a piece of paper.
With your handwriting.
It doesn't have to be.
.
.
Beautiful and pretty and special whatever doesn't matter I want you to stick your menu on your fridge.
And you can stick your kids on there as well and your partner,
Whoever,
Whoever wants to be involved in this game.
Stick them on the fridge.
And your homework is to do one thing from that list.
Every single day.
Just one thing.
And again,
It doesn't have to be.
.
.
Five hours.
It could be five minutes of one of those things.
But.
In order to fill yourself up,
It needs to be a regular commitment every single day.
And maybe you just start with five minutes and then you extend it to 10 and 15 and 20.
And then you carve out half an hour.
Whatever works for you.
For the season that you're in in your life right now.
You might be in a season.
Of four kids.
For very young kids.
And so it might just look like five minutes.
But as they grow,
That time will expand.
So.
Don't set these unrealistic goals.
Just start small.
Five or 10 minutes,
Whatever feels right for you,
Whatever lights you up.
Does 15 minutes light you up?
Does 10 minutes light you up?
Do you have 45 minutes?
So now I want you to write down.
What feels good for you?
For every day,
What do you feel like you can manage?
So write down that time.
15 minutes,
20,
30.
Two hours.
And this will change.
Because we're all evolving and we're all at different seasons in our life.
My morning routine looks very different now that I have a baby.
And I'm breastfeeding.
But before I had a baby,
It was very different.
But it's always evolving.
And the older she gets,
It's evolving even more.
So be kind and gentle with yourself and be realistic with what you can achieve.
But the main thing is that you do it daily.
Every single day.
So you've got your menu,
You're going to print it out or write it out and stick it on your fridge.
And every day you're going to commit to it,
However long you have allocated for yourself.
The next thing is,
When are you going to do it?
Are you going to get up before the children and do it then?
Are you going to do it in the first nap?
Are you going to do it after school drop off?
When can you implement it into your life?
For me,
My daughter wakes at seven.
I wake at five.
So I've got that time then for myself.
When is good for you?
Is it after you've dropped the kids at school and you come home and then you can have that time for you?
Or is it when they have their first nap?
Or is it before the family wakes up?
When do you feel like you could.
.
.
Take this time for you.
Now write that down.
And after this,
I want you to communicate.
That with your family,
With your partner,
With your children.
That this is when I am going to take time for myself.
So I'm going to take 20 minutes.
First thing in the morning.
Between 7 and 7.
20,
That is my time for me.
And your children.
Will respect that time.
Your partner will respect that time.
That becomes mama's sacred self-care time.
So communicate that with the people in your home and then commit to it.
What a gift you are giving to your children.
For them to watch their mama grow up.
Watching their mama.
Love.
And care for herself.
What a gift.
Because I don't know about you,
But I watched a very different model.
I watched a people pleasing model.
And I don't want.
.
.
Pass that on to my daughter.
I want her.
To see a different way of being.
I want her to.
Know the importance of how amazing she is.
And the importance of self-care.
And of filling herself up so that she can be the best version of herself.
And in order for her to do that,
I have to model that to her.
So you've got your menu.
You've got.
.
.
The amount of time you're going to allocate every day,
And when you're going to do it and you're going to communicate that with.
The people in your home.
You are set.
For your self care.
I also want to encourage you to download the Insight Timer app if you haven't already and do my self-love meditation.
It's very,
Very powerful.
That's something that you could do.
That's something that you could put on your self-love or self-care menu is to do that meditation.
It's a very powerful 10-minute meditation.
That is a beautiful way to start your day.
And just remember that.
Self-care.
Is not selfish.
It is essential.
In order for you to fully thrive.
And to show up as the best version of yourself.
We have to make deposits.
Back into our self-care bank.
We have to make deposits back in because we're giving.
We give so much to our children,
To our family.
We give love.
We give time.
We give energy.
We give so much.
But we all know what happens when you're constantly withdrawing from the bank and nothing's going in.
It's going to go down.
Empty.
So we need to make sure that we are making deposits into our self-love bank.
Can't just keep withdrawing.
We're going to make deposits back in.
That is how you show up as the best version of yourself.
Because you,
Mama,
Are so worth it.
And you matter too.
It is your birthright to thrive.
To feel good in your body.
And to feel like the best version of you.
And in order to do that,
You have to take care of your beautiful self.
So I really hope that you have enjoyed today's session.
And if you did,
Please come and follow me on Insight Timer and Instagram at Melissa Ambrosini.
And on Insight Timer,
I have a selection of free guided meditations to help you step into your power as a parent and carve out more time.
For you,
For self-care.
And if in the next few days or weeks or months,
You sense that inner critic,
Your inner mean girl popping up more often than you like.
I invite you to sign up for my workshop on comparisonitis,
Which I have coming up.
Which is all about how to stop comparing yourself to others.
And be genuinely happy.
And I will dive deep.
Into how to quit comparing yourself to others.
How to set healthy boundaries.
How to master your inner mean girl even deeper,
And so much more.
And this workshop for my friends in the U.
S.
Will be on Saturday,
August 20 at 3.
30 p.
M.
PST time.
And 6.
30pm EST.
And if you're in Australia,
It will be 8.
30 a.
M.
Australian Eastern Standard Time on Sunday,
August 21.
I really hope you come and join me on this workshop.
I am so excited to share all about comparisonitis with you and how to stop comparing once and for all.
So that you can fully show up as the best version of yourself.
And you can find out more details about that workshop under the books and more tab to the left of your screen.
So remember,
Beautiful mama,
You matter too.
You are worthy of feeling like the best version of yourself.
You are abundant.
It is your birthright.
To be the truest version of yourself.
And I am so grateful that you are here and I'm so proud of you.
So keep shining.
Keep letting go of any stories in the guilt.
And remember that our children are watching everything.
And you matter too.
Sending you so much love.
