The Parting

Explore how the deaths of well known figures affect us personally, and what that reveals about grief, legacy, and human connection. We look at loss on a wider scale, from public figures to the people we've loved directly, and how each of us is shaped by those who came before. Hear a poem written in 1943 by my grandmother sending her seventeen year old son (my father) off to World War II, and let it open a reflection on integrity, humanity, and how we hold onto our values in difficult times. This practice offers a space to acknowledge impermanence, honor the people who have touched your life, and reconnect with your own capacity for compassion and openheartedness.

Transcript

The last couple of weeks, Many people have died, Of course, Around the world, And a few that many of us have been more aware of, Depending on what you've been interested in, What your life's been like, How old you are. Some of these are more universal, Like Dolly Parton, Gloria Steinem. People using words like feminist icon. Robin Morgan also passed and she's a well-known person in the women's movement as well. Not as famous as Gloria Steinem, But anyone who was part of that wave of feminism in the 70s, 80s, 90s was aware of Robin. There were a couple of other people, Tim Curry, Actor, And Wendell Berry, Poet. We've been working a little bit with some of what they bring to the world. I thought today we could explore what is it like for us when these people that are well-known and have contributed so much to the world, When we find out that they've passed into the spirit world or that they've died, I was also thinking about a poem that my grandmother wrote when her son, My dad, Went to war in World War II. He was 17. He lived in the prairies in Canada and took a train all the way across to Halifax where I live now. And got on a ship. He was in the Navy. He was a Morse code operator, Actually, The SOS. So I thought we could just explore this whole area, Like how does that sit for us personally? And what does it bring up? What are the associations that it brings up? A lot of times when it's somebody who's done such good in the world, Like Dolly Parton and different people like that, People talked a little bit about her music, But a lot more about who she was and all of the different communities that had been affected by her. Settle into that as an exploration for today. We have a lot of nervous system experience, Of course, With everything that happens in our body and in our life and all around us and inside of us. The nervous system is keeping track. So how do we bring our nervous system up to date a little bit? Just in this moment right now, Is there anything concerning, Anything you need to take action on? And if not, That's good to know. We could relax our body a little, Maybe settle back into our chair and notice how it feels to take some breaths. And then let's look at the topic generally, People die. Some people we know personally. The ones that are on social media are people that many don't know personally. Never met Gloria Steinem, For instance, Although I was very affected by her work and her life, And Robin Morgan as well. Let's sit with that in silence. So just notice, Watch what's happening in your mind. What's in your thought stream? And permanence. Death and dying. Well-known people. The legacy people leave. Ruth Bader Ginsburg comes to mind, Robert Redford. A lot of these people that are passing now in the last year or two are already in their 70s, 80s, And 90s. When death happens at that age, It feels different than when it happens at a much younger age, That's for sure. So as you're watching thoughts, Remember to breathe, Keep some body awareness. Notice associated thoughts, Thought streams as well. Take a few breaths. Where did that take you? For some of us, It might have taken us into thoughts about our own death. It would probably be very likely that it brought some of us into thoughts of people we've cared about personally. Also very likely other well-known people who passed. When we think about people who passed from something like an accident or a drug overdose when they were younger, They didn't die of old age. Actor Heath Ledger. It was an accidental overdose of cold medicine and something else. It feels like such a loss at that age when people die young. And then when people die, Kind of at the end of a more complete life. There's a lot of different ways that we might feel around some of that. Different cultures express indulgences. May their life be a blessing. May she rest in power. There's an acknowledgement there of the impact that we have, And people on a world stage have a bigger impact, Of course. Maybe bigger in the sense of more people. If you think about someone like the Dalai Lama, Who's still with us, He's had a huge impact around the world with his teachings and his presence around kindness and compassion. Dolly Parton. A lot of clips that I saw where she was speaking about, It's not my place to judge. My job as a person is to be open hearted and accept people as they are. That's part of why people responded so well to her with such open hearts. Gloria Steinem, For instance, Or Tim Curry, More controversial, Not a widespread, I love their work, I love their philosophy, Their principles or their ethics, Although some people, Me included, Really valued what they brought to the world and how they kind of wake us up and have us think and feel differently about some things. The thread here is how much we are influenced by people who are famous, Who are well-known, And also how does that land in our personal life. How are we changed? Robin Morgan and Gloria Steinem, Feminists. They were very validating for me as I was really starting to become aware of sexism and the patriarchy and violence against women and things that are not taught in the regular culture for sure. I admired the way they were drawing connections. Each person is changed by someone. That change can be permanent and it goes out through our life and then how that flowed through my life affected other people's lives. Very validating. It's really easy to feel like there's something wrong with me because I think this way. Our popular culture or the overwhelming culture says, No, You're wrong. It's not that way. If we look at the concentration of wealth in the 1%, There's a lot of messages there that you should be doing this better if you were somehow smarter or better than you would figure out a way. And it's clearly not true. It really does change us when we hear people speaking what we feel is the truth. One of the things I wanted to bring in about this poem from my grandmother, My dad's mother, Was how we work with difficult times. My dad was in the Navy for a year and a half before the World War II ended, And he was 17. He was kind of a shy guy who liked to read, And he wasn't a macho kind of guy at all. So I wasn't surprised when I found out that he was a Morse code operator, Radio operator on the ship, Because that would really suit him. And also that he didn't go into the army where he would have had to been a foot soldier. He would not have done well in that environment. He didn't talk a lot about the war. I think a lot of people who've been to war don't talk about it. But to live with that, Knowing that I didn't really know what would happen. I just know that if we were torpedoed that we would all die. And he was 17. One of the things that my grandmother said to him was, You're going off to war, And a lot of people will be acting like they're never coming back. It's true that that might be the situation, But what if you do? Don't do anything while you're there that you can't live with if you live through this war. She was talking about what happens on shore leave. On a ship, It's a bit of a different environment than it is if you're on the ground. Don't be drinking and doing wild things. Keep some integrity so that you're not tortured by that when you come home. I thought that was such an interesting thing to impart. It wasn't don't be bad, It was think about what you're doing, Remember your humanity. And when we do that, We also remember the humanity of other people. And how all of us are navigating this world that we're in right now. It's not World War II, It's a very different time, Different circumstance, And yet there's so many commonalities here. How are we navigating the world that we're in right now? And so then this is her poem. It's called The Parting. Muriel Fraser was her name. This was written in 1943. She had a dramatic turn of phrase. So it's called the parting. Cruel hands clutching my heart. Must be part my son and I. He to go to a foreign land, Perhaps to die, And I. I shall return to my native heath, Nursing my grief. Carrying not of heaven above or earth beneath. Only wishing that it were true. That I were the soldier in place of you. You whom I taught never to point a gun, Even in fun, At anyone. What do you know of war and its gore? How can you know what you're fighting for? When the only lore that you've been taught, God what? Is the golden rule taught in school. Muriel Fraser That must have been so hard. And there's so many people now that are in a similar situation. And in situations where there's real danger. We live in a world where we're so aware of the danger and we see that all the time on social media, In the lives of friends. And in our own life. How do we move through that? Let's sit with that for a little bit. Take in some breath. So just taking a breath and maybe having a hand on your heart, Acknowledging how touching it is. And you know that poem was written 80 some years ago. And yet it still resonates. The way that we work with our experiences, We might notice if there's sensation and energy in our body. Emotion. What's happening with our breath? We have so much in common. As human beings. We all want safety. Our nervous systems are highly affected when we feel uncertain or afraid. We all appreciate working together, Being understood, Having each other's back. And we respond to that when we see it, When we feel it. Even being in a situation like this where we're sitting together and acknowledging and working with however that's showing up in your mind, Your body, Your life. Whatever you're taking from this, We're all taking something. And then how can we support our own kind hearts, Our own compassion? Their connection. And that's what we can take out into our day. We can honor people's lives and how we respond to them, How we're changed by each other, Whether it's someone on a world stage or someone who had a poem in a little chapbook that she organized with her women's writing group in this town of four or five hundred people in southern Saskatchewan. We all have an influence and an impact on each other. The more we can open our hearts. Which really means regulating our nervous system because we don't have the capacity to have an open, Warm heart and to connect with each other if we're in a survival response. What happens when we soften is that we have this connection with each other. And with Dolly Parton and all of the wonderful people whose lives have brought us so much pleasure and joy. Some very serious, Like Dolly Parton's Imagination Library. Or the impact that Gloria Stein and all the other feminists, All the other people fighting for social justice. And living for social justice and how that all kind of brings us together. I really appreciate all of us that we can be here together. We're human, We touch each other's hearts.