The following exercise,
By Lula Spergato,
Is designed to help us contact and clarify our relational values,
Which are the freely chosen qualities that we most desire to bring into our relationships,
Including in how we treat our intimate partner.
We'll do this by recalling a meaningful or enjoyable interaction that you share together and then extract the qualities that help to make that interaction fulfilling.
Although our intimate relationships will also undoubtedly serve up some sour occasions,
And it's quite possible that such memories may arise during this meditation,
Our aim here is to tap into the sweetness and richness of our relationship.
So if a primarily unpleasant memory surfaces,
Non-judgmentally notice that this has occurred and gently continue sifting through memories until you find one that is especially sweet,
Even if there's a little bit of sour mixed in.
Look for those memories that evoke a sense of connection,
Closeness,
Engagement,
Or support.
Whether there was laughter or sadness,
It's about how the two of you came together to make the experience meaningful or fulfilling.
Find a relatively comfortable position,
Either sitting or lying down if preferred,
Where you can be undisturbed for the next five to six minutes.
Softly closing your eyes,
I invite you to begin scanning your memories for shared experiences with your partner that were particularly enjoyable enriching or meaningful to you.
This could be as recent as earlier today or as distant as many years ago.
It could be a small occurrence or short-lived experience or something more significant or longer lasting.
Any memory that captures some sweetness for you in the context of your relationship.
Once you've locked in on a memory,
I'd like to invite you to step inside that memory,
Imagining that you were there again.
What can you see?
What can you hear?
What are you touching?
What are you feeling?
And see if you can make room for any feelings showing up right now as you contact this past experience.
You may notice a mix of emotions or bodily sensations,
Including some unpleasant ones,
Which is perfectly natural as fulfilling moments often involve a breadth of emotions just as sweet and sour sometimes go together.
Now,
See if you can tune in to what the two of you are doing in this memory.
How are each of you contributing to or participating in the event or interaction?
Focusing on your partner first.
What qualities did you experience in them that helped to make this interaction meaningful to you?
In other words,
What type of sweetness did they bring to the table?
And,
Just as importantly,
What qualities did you bring to the encounter that helped to make it meaningful for the two of you?
In other words,
If you weren't showing up in this way,
Then the interaction likely would not have been as fulfilling.
And is it possible that these qualities could be your relational values,
Pointing you towards the kind of partner you most want to be?
With this in mind,
How might you bring these qualities or values into future interactions together?
And could you still choose to do so regardless of whether or not your partner brings desired qualities to the interaction?
In other words,
Could it be meaningful to you,
In and of itself,
To embody and enact your relational values more often?
As this exercise comes to a close,
Just allow your experience to sink in for a moment,
Savoring the sweetness as a felt sense in your body,
Perhaps in your heart.
And then slowly open your eyes and reorient to your surroundings.
And if your partner also completes this exercise,
You may choose to share your experience and takeaways with one another.
