Responding Compassionately To Shame (Self-Compassion)

This guided meditation, derived from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), is designed to cultivate self-compassion for our suffering around shame or feelings of inadequacy. To this end, we will practice acknowledging and making room for our painful experiences in a context of common humanity, while unhooking from self-judgment and responding with care and kindness through perspective-taking.

Transcript

The following meditation, By Lou L'Aspergado, Is designed to cultivate self-compassion for our suffering around shame or feelings of inadequacy. To this end, We will practice acknowledging and making room for our painful experiences in a context of common humanity while unhooking from self-judgment and responding with care and kindness through perspective-taking. Find a relatively comfortable position, Either sitting or lying down, Where you can be undisturbed for the next 15 minutes. Closing your eyes or keeping them softly opened if desired, Gently bring your attention to your breathing, And for the next few breaths, As a means of centering yourself and settling into this exercise, You might emphasize a few long, Slow exhales, And then gradually allow your breathing to find its own rate and rhythm, No longer needing to control it. As we move through this meditation, Your mind might naturally resist or try to distract you from making contact with anything uncomfortable. This might be its way of trying to protect you. However, In the service of learning or deepening a compassionate way of relating to yourself, See if you can return your attention back to the instructions at hand and whatever may be arising in real time. First, I'm going to invite you to reflect upon an aspect of yourself that brings up shame. This could be a belief or view of yourself as not good enough in some way, An insecurity that you'd rather hide from others, Or a sense of inadequacy with respect to some challenge you face. And see if you can recognize that whatever it is you're currently looking at, That you weren't born with this way of viewing yourself, But rather this narrative developed in response to your life experiences. So there was a you that existed before shame entered the picture, And that same you is still here now noticing the shame. As you come into contact with this part of yourself, Take a moment to notice what's showing up in your body right now, Including any sensations or feelings. See if you can just observe these feelings as they are without a struggle. Also notice any thoughts showing up around this particular issue, Including any self-criticism. Is this a familiar narrative, One you've heard many times before? See if you can just allow these thoughts to come and go without attachment or avoidance. And notice that there are these thoughts, And then there's you observing them. Now take a moment to zoom out from your particular issue and consider that, Just like you, There are many others in the world right now who feel inadequate, Inferior, Or ashamed in some way. When our sense of belonging or competency feels threatened in some way, Various painful thoughts and feelings can emerge, Including shame, Self-criticism, Or the not-good-enough story. And this is something that you have in common with every other human being on the planet. And just like you, Most will try to hide it from plain view, So it's not always apparent. Now, Rather than hiding from this or sinking into it, Can you see your shame as part of this larger context of common humanity? Next, Imagine that someone very dear to you, A loved one, Perhaps a family member or friend, Came to you and shared about their own shame some perceived inadequacy or insecurity. Imagine looking into their eyes as they vulnerably disclose to you what they feel ashamed about. How would you want to respond to them? What would you say or do at that moment? And if this person knew the depth of your own shame, How you feel not good enough, How you feel small or less than at times, How might this person respond to you? What might they say or do? As you reflect upon both of these perspectives, Can you turn toward yourself now and offer that same level of support, Care, Or kindness? Your mind might naturally chime in with objections or resistance, And once again, See if you can just allow those thoughts to come and go as you bring this compassionate way of responding toward yourself. What might you say to yourself to acknowledge how hard it is to carry this shame? Can you hold yourself kindly by taking one or both of your hands and gently resting them on your chest and or abdomen? Or perhaps you could wrap your arms around yourself just as you might hug or hold a loved one who was struggling with shame. Can you infuse this action with loving kindness and compassion just as someone would for you or you for them? Now if you're willing to take this one step further, I'm going to invite you to use your first name in responding compassionately to yourself. So in other words, As you acknowledge what's difficult or painful, Can you include your first name in addressing yourself? This may sound strange or feel awkward at first, Especially if you haven't done this before, And yet it can also enhance the effects of this meditation. You might even choose to express a wish for wellness or peace for yourself. As this exercise comes to a close, Consider how you might bring some part of what you practice today into your life going forward. The next time shame or self-criticism shows up, Could you turn toward yourself with some tenderness? Slowly, Opening your eyes if you haven't already, Take a moment to reorient your surroundings and acknowledge this bit of self-care you just did.

Reviews

I loved the suggestion to address myself by name as I offer kind words to myself. I’ve never done that before. Going to keep practicing in daily life with inwardly saying my name and expressing care.