Forgiveness And Letting Go - May 29

What does it really mean to forgive? Not as a gift to someone who hurt you — but as an act of freedom for yourself?
In this episode of 5 Minutes in Nature, Liz explores how we release the weight of a grudge and begin to heal. Drawing on the Inside Out Understanding, she shares how this perspective has quietly transformed the way she approaches forgiveness in her own life.
This gentle reflection invites you to consider that forgiveness isn't about excusing what happened. It's about coming home to yourself.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to five minutes in nature with me Liz Scott. Oh I've just so enjoyed walking up this little lane today seeing the bluebells just at the very end now. They're dying back but the campions are pink and flourishing. There are little white stitchwork coming through. There are other sort of cow parsleys which are also white flowers. The tall grasses are growing with their seed heads and it's just a wonderful, Beautiful, Vibrant time of year. Albeit it's very cold and very blustery. You might hear the trees above me rustling in the wind. And you know today I've just been reflecting on family and actually holding grudges or forgiveness. What it is? What is forgiveness? What is it to hold a grudge? And I want to share that with you today. I'm going to talk today and tomorrow about this because it feels like it's more than just a five minute reflection. But I want to just start out with that today. So we'll talk about what is forgiveness and how I see forgiveness. And of course the health warning is always that I'm letting you know how I see something. I'm not telling you how you should think. In fact I welcome your reflections on forgiveness and what it means for you. But I was reflecting actually, We've got cousins, Sisters in our family that have had a grudge for years. And the truth is I don't 100% know what the grudge is about. I don't know them that well but I know that they don't speak with each other. And I know there's a lot of sadness and pain attached to an event that happened many years ago that has never been resolved. If you're looking at what forgiveness is, It's about that conscious letting go of anger and resentment. Maybe that feeling of vengeance you feel towards someone. You move a step beyond it and allow it to go. And in my book the only person that suffers when you hold on to an anger or resentment is yourself. It's like it burrows into you and it eats you up from inside. So there's nothing healthy about holding on to resentment or anger. But sometimes it might feel hard to let go. And I wanted to reflect on this from the angle of the inside out understanding. Because it has helped me and does help me when it comes to forgiveness. And I guess the first thing to know about forgiveness is that when you feel that initial flare up of anger and resentment, It's useful with the inside out understanding to realize that if you add more fuel to the fire of that anger and resentment, It will continue. If you take on that status of being the victim and the other person being the perpetrator and you keep reimagining it, Well you will feel more and more pain. So it's really helpful not to fuel those feelings. It doesn't mean that you pretend something didn't happen. It just means you don't fuel those feelings. So firstly don't fuel the feelings. Secondly, It's really helpful I find for me to realize that people are always doing the best they can with the thinking they have in the moment. What they believe to be true in the moment, That's why they're behaving the way that they do. And I do the same. I behave the best I can with the thinking that I have in the moment. So secondly, It's really helpful to realize that people are doing the best they can regardless of their behavior. So that's the second thing to be aware of. And then thirdly, It's really helpful for me to realize as well that I create stories about how people should behave. So I think someone should behave in a particular way and when they don't behave in a particular way, I believe a story about how angry I should feel because they didn't behave in the way that I made up that they should behave. So I end up creating stories about how people should behave and then create stories about how angry or resentful I should feel because of that. So seeing through that is so helpful. But I guess ultimately what I really deeply see is when I look towards the truth of who I am, Which is peace, Love and wisdom, And I stand in that space, Then I find often the resentment and anger just dissolves of its own accord. So today's reflections on forgiveness are firstly, Don't fuel the feelings of anger and resentment, Let them subside. Secondly, Just realize that people are doing the best they can with the thinking that they believe in the moment. And thirdly, Realize that you've created a story about how someone should behave. And you've created a story about how angry you should be because they didn't behave in the way that you thought. And of course, That realization at the core of everything that we are peace, Love and wisdom. So that's my reflections on forgiveness. I'm going to continue this tomorrow. But let me know your take on what I've said today. Forgiveness, What does it mean for you? Do you think forgiveness is something that is present in your life? I'll be back again with you tomorrow. And don't forget to let me know what your thoughts are on forgiveness.

Reviews

My father held a grudge against his sister for over 30 years which meant that I grew up without an aunt, uncle and cousin in my life, who could have been a part of it. It was resolved eventually and I got to know my aunt and uncle but I was already an adult by then and that bond you get when you're younger was never really there. I have never got to know my cousin. Because of this I have been very aware through my life how destructive it can be to believe that you, and only you are right, in whatever circumstances you are dealing with. There are always two (or more) views and I try to hear and accept them all, even if they are not the same views as my own.

Holding a grudge, it seems to me Liz, is like having a large burning coal in your hands. It is weighty, hot, painful and heavy. And trying to carry this uphill while your hands are totally enngaged.

Forgiveness feels like I have climbed midway up this hill stopped and flung out to sea this heavy hot burden. It feels lighter. Calmer and peaceful.

Recently I have worked to throw two hugely burdensome resentments laced with anger and deep hurt… have thrown them out to sea and watched them steam and fizzle out.
And I cried cleansing tears of joy at the lightness I began to feel seep into my heart.
I worked towards this goal, worked hard through writing, praying and talking with a professional. It took a long time.

It was worth it.

Thank you for being here dear Liz.
You are a gift. A talented & introspective creative here on our journey. Thank you.
From across the pond
Xo

This case of your cousins with the situation that happened years ago is likely some deeply seated trapped emotion(s). Until identified and processed and released they may never resolve. This could potentially lead to a friction between their off spring and each other.

I can only change how I behave and feel. I have used this phrase I picked up somewhere along the way in my life.

"I forgive myself and give myself permission to begin again."

Thanks Liz. ✌️❤️🙏