I just want to pause and send a huge thank you to all my listeners and to anyone that has found themselves here.
And I just want to say thank you.
I understand how precious your time is and for you to spend it engaging with me through these words and through this time is so extremely special.
Today,
We're going to talk about rumination.
And I've been thinking a lot.
I've actually just been thinking a lot about negative thinking,
And how we let our minds just completely take over and how we let our minds make things bigger than they actually are and how when we do these things,
We can call it rumination,
Which is just reworking over and over and over a specific scenario or something that happened at work or a conversation you had,
You know,
Just like reworking it over and over and over in your mind,
And doing it in such a way that the feelings or the emotions behind it get bigger.
And I think that the natural mind,
So the mind just as it is,
That this is actually just something that the mind does.
It's kind of a normal practice of the mind.
The mind wants to understand things and it wants to make sense out of everything that is occurring in our day to day life.
So then what the mind does is if something doesn't make sense,
Or if something doesn't feel good,
Or if something is causing suffering,
Then what the mind does is it just reworks it and reworks it and reworks it and reworks it and reworks it and reworks it,
You get it to try to make sense out of it.
And one thing that I think is interesting that I have kind of discovered and thought about as I've observed my mind is that often the mind tries to make sense out of something that can't be made sense out of.
And what I mean by that is often it includes other people.
So we don't know what those other people are experiencing or what they're thinking or what their intentions were behind certain things.
But what the mind does is it tries to make up that part of the story.
Or if something just tragic in life happens,
Then the mind tries to make sense out of why did that happen to me?
What did I do?
What,
You know,
What did I do that caused this?
Just kind of this constant reworking,
Trying to make sense out of things that may not make sense and maybe why they don't make sense.
Why life often doesn't make sense is just because our perception of life is so small.
Our only perception of life is our own direct experience and often that direct experience is just a small fraction of what is going on.
So you have,
If there are other people involved,
You have their entire perceptions.
If it's just,
You know,
In the world,
You have kind of the world and all the history of the world and all of the things that have culminated to create the exact moment that you experienced,
Which is a lot of things.
And I think we try to make sense out of something that doesn't quite make sense or isn't logical in the way that our mind wants it to be logical.
Our mind often wants things to be very black and white.
Like this is occurring because of this.
And I kind of wonder if the world is kind of functioning in that way,
But there are so many minute factors that are happening inside of that,
That like our mind can't actually wrap its,
You know,
Wrap its way around every single thing that's taking place in order for one thing to occur.
And a really good way that Buddhism,
I think,
Describes it is Buddhism says that if you're at the top of a tree,
You've climbed a tree and you're at the top and you fall out of that tree,
You know,
You fell out of that tree,
But you don't know how many branches you passed or hit on the way down.
You know,
It's like,
There's a lot,
There's a lot that happens from being at the top of a tree,
Climbing the tree,
And then maybe your foot slips or your hand slips or whatever,
And you fall out of the tree and then you hit the ground.
There's a lot that happens in between,
But the suffering is,
Is,
Oh my gosh,
My back or my butt hurts because I fell out of a tree.
But a lot happened in the process from A,
Being in the tree to B,
Hitting the ground.
But our minds,
Because we can only take in so much stimulus in any moment,
There is like a lot of other stimulus also occurring,
But we just can't take it all in.
So then what the mind does is it just replays all the stimulus that it has taken in.
But the thing is,
Is that we have to understand that we're missing a whole bunch of other stimulus.
We're missing a whole bunch of other factors just because the mind is incapable of taking it all in.
And that's actually okay.
But a huge part of being able to let go of rumination is kind of being okay with that unknown.
Being okay with whatever occurred without needing it necessarily to make full black and white sense.
And the reason that my mind has been thinking about rumination is the other day,
Uh,
I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and,
Um,
We were chatting about,
We were actually chatting about kind of like the mind ruminates because it's bored.
And it's a really interesting thing to begin to like break apart because,
And I always have said it whenever I'm teaching meditation,
That if we don't give the mind a healthy thing to focus on or a healthy,
Positive thing to work with,
Then the mind will just ruminate because the mind is just constantly going.
It's this kind of like,
You know,
It's this,
It's this like,
You could call it like a hamster wheel or something.
It's kind of always going or a clock,
Right?
It's just always going.
And if we don't give that mind something to do,
Then it has its own things that it does naturally.
And rumination,
Especially rumination on negative things is just something that it does naturally.
It's not actually a bad thing.
It's um,
Evolutionarily,
It's a very smart thing.
If it ruminates enough,
Then it sometimes can figure out ways to keep us safer,
Right?
It's like,
Especially back in the day when we were like chased by tigers,
You know,
You could ruminate on like,
Okay,
Next time I'm in the forest,
And I'm trying to gather food or fruit,
Then when a tiger comes,
I can do this because it can't,
You know,
A tiger can't do that.
Or,
You know,
It's like you,
Your brain would work to protect to protect us.
And there's nothing like bad or wrong about that.
I think that's why seeing the brain as helpful is amazing.
And also knowing the difference between something that's actually a threat or actually needs to be thought about,
Versus,
Oh,
I'm just ruminating.
I'm just thinking about this over and over and over again.
And it's actually not that important or not that vital for my survival or,
You know,
Whatever the case may be.
And so knowing that difference,
You can begin to,
You know,
Pick apart that rumination often happens because we haven't given the brain something more positive or I don't really know the right word because I don't all these words have such heavy connotation.
So I don't know if positive is the right word or,
Or a skillful or healthy,
Whatever word resonates most with you,
But we haven't given it something else to do.
And so the other day I was noticing myself ruminating.
And I really just like noticed that it was ruminating because I was kind of bored,
Which I wasn't bored in like the normal sense of I have nothing to do because there's always something to do.
I think boredom is like,
You know,
There's always something to do,
But you just don't want to do that thing.
And so I was just sitting,
Quote unquote,
Bored in my mind,
I was letting my mind go and letting the mind go.
I actually think is addictive.
There's something about getting worked up that is addictive.
And maybe it's because it's for some of us,
The only way we feel certain emotions or certain intensities or we feel like a caring or a love or a passion or,
You know,
There's like a lot of interesting things that you can begin to think about when you think about like,
Why do I ruminate?
And also,
I think feeling intense emotion can often also make us feel alive or make us feel like we have purpose.
You know,
It's like,
If I'm passionate about this,
I'm thinking about it,
And I'm ruminating on it and I'm,
You know,
We can feel impassioned or like moved to sometimes action.
I think about that specifically in like,
I don't know,
If you're like standing up for a cause in the world or something,
You know,
It's like,
Often it is thinking about something over and over and over again,
That eventually you can be moved to kind of go out and rally or,
You know,
Call your senator or you know,
Whatever,
Whatever it is.
Once again,
Certain ruminations,
Not bad,
Right?
So it's like knowing the difference between is this something I want to be spending my energy on?
Or is this something that I don't?
And I think also knowing how to ruminate,
Where you're ruminating,
Maybe with the desire for helping find solution or helping to ease suffering,
Or,
You know,
You know that you're ruminating for a reason.
I think a lot of us just ruminate to ruminate because of this boredom that I'm talking about.
So I like noticed when I was ruminating,
I was like,
Hmm,
What if instead of doing this,
This thing that in that moment specifically felt pointless,
Like this is like completely pointless,
Some of this stuff is out of my control.
And it's honestly not worth me worrying about.
I think as I've gotten older,
I've realized more and more that worry is just such a waste of my time.
And I would much rather spend my time doing other things.
And I think that that's like a maturity thing.
But I think it's also just a realizing that like so much of worries,
Wasted time and energy.
And like,
I don't know,
If we think about a lifespan,
We do have limited,
Like limited energy,
Eventually,
We will die because our energy runs out.
And so thinking about the energy and where we're putting our energy and what we're spending our energy on,
I think is like,
Just something interesting to think about.
Anyway,
So I noticed this.
And so I was like,
Okay,
I'm gonna just pick up my ukulele.
And I'm gonna play some music.
And then I'm going to check back in and see how I feel.
So I picked up my ukulele.
And often this happens to me is I because I love playing music so much,
And I picked it up and I started playing music.
And I kind of got lost in that world.
And then I got done playing music.
And I all of the sudden,
Just like realized how much more grounded and peaceful and great I felt.
And how the rumination had kind of gone away because everything goes away.
So if we give our brain something else to do,
The other thing will go away because that's what happens.
Things come and they go,
Things come and they go and it might come back.
But when it comes back,
You can practice going back to the uke or going back to something else,
Right.
And I think,
I think the thing to really begin to deal with the thing that we're going to have to deal with is that rumination might be addictive,
But it often leaves us the one doing it in the suffering.
The person you're ruminating about often is not suffering.
They're like doing whatever they're doing.
They're like on a bike ride,
Right?
Or they're like out to dinner with friends.
But we're sitting here causing our own suffering by replaying the thing over and over again,
Instead of taking responsibility that we actually do have the ability to move where our mind goes and then practice something different.
So yesterday I actually saw the same exact thing occur.
So I was kind of ruminating on an interaction that I had had and I noticed that I was getting worked up.
I like was getting worked up.
And sometimes when I get worked up,
I start scripting what I'm going to say to this person,
Right?
I'm like,
I'm going to say this and I'm going to say this,
I'm going to say this and I'm going to say this,
You know,
Just like planning all the things that I'm going to say to like put this person in their place or show them that they're wrong or,
You know,
Whatever we do as humans.
And I noticed I was doing it and I was like,
Oh,
Okay.
One in Buddhism,
That's called othering.
My boyfriend also told me that's a liberal term,
So I don't whatever other people think of it means,
But in Buddhism,
Othering is when we really kind of separate ourselves from another person and say,
This person is this way and I'm this way,
I'm this way over here and I'm right.
And that person is over there and they're wrong.
And it's called othering.
And what it does is it causes separation.
And then that person is no longer a person.
That person is this negative idea that we have in our head about them or this negative interaction we have,
Right?
It's like,
And it's othering.
It's like pushing another person away.
It's you stop seeing them as human.
You stop seeing them for their humanity and their,
Their totality of having really great things about them and also negative things about them because we all have that.
That's part of being human.
Right?
And so like I noticed myself othering.
I was just othering,
Othering,
Othering,
And I was ruminating about it.
And I had this like hour long gap and I made a conscious decision.
I literally turned around my car and I said,
Okay,
This is the time to practice.
So the time to practice is when you're in it,
Right?
The,
There's a saying like the breakdown is the opportunity for breakthrough.
The breakdown is the opportunity for breakthrough.
So I'm in the othering,
I'm in the rumination.
And I said,
Okay,
I have this hour break.
I literally turned around,
Turned my car around and I drove straight home.
I was pretty close to home.
I jumped in a hot shower,
Took a shower,
Had been like a week since I showered because I had been just so busy.
And I showered and then I set a timer on my phone and I set it for 10 minutes and I sat on my couch and I just shut my eyes,
Rested my head and I just breathed.
And after that 10 minutes,
Woo-ee!
I felt like a completely different person.
I had paused,
I had taken care of myself.
I had given my mind something healthier to do,
Which was just like shower,
Rest.
And then I ended up going to a meeting and I was just completely able to treat this person with care and kindness.
And I had allowed myself enough time and I had allowed my mind to focus on something else long enough that I was able to share humanity with this person.
And I think that when we give our minds something healthier to do or more skillful to do and something that we know is good for us or something that,
You know,
Is like a pause to take care of ourselves,
Then we actually in that moment,
We stop our suffering.
Because when we're ruminating,
Often we're suffering.
And when we choose to stop and pause and to begin to choose something else,
Then in that moment we actually,
We're kind of,
You know,
We're doing the Four Noble Truths.
We're noticing our suffering.
We're noticing what's making us suffering.
And we're creating the cessation of our suffering.
And then we experience,
You know,
Nirvana.
We experience connection again,
We experience the ability to be with another person in their fullness and in our fullness.
And I think a lot of times when we're stuck in rumination,
Or we're stuck in a situation that we don't know how to get out of,
We often are just caught in the mind replaying it,
Reworking it,
Like I've been talking about.
And what we can do instead is turn and just say like,
Okay,
What thing do I want to do?
What thing do I love to do that I could do?
For some of us,
It's taking a long walk.
For some of us,
It's picking up our instrument.
For some of us,
It's crocheting.
For some of us,
It's opening the journal and writing.
For some of us,
It's making a delicious meal.
For some of us,
It's going to the gym.
For some of us,
It's walking in nature,
Right?
Like we all have things that we love that can bring us back into our bodies,
Out of the mind into the body,
Out of the mind into the body.
Remember we're living in this body,
We're not just living in the mind.
So anything we can do when we notice that we're stuck in the mind that we're ruminating,
Anything that we can do to move the attention from not just being from the neck up,
But being from the neck down,
Using our body in some way,
Giving the mind something more skillful to put its attention on,
Then in that moment,
We're practicing and we're practicing really taking control of and taking ownership of our suffering and putting an end to our own suffering.
And me and my boyfriend made this deal like if we're complaining a lot about something that we want to remind each other to go do something good for ourselves,
Go do something we love.
Because if we're caught in complaints,
If we're caught in rumination,
If we're caught in gossip,
If we're caught in these things,
Then in that moment,
It is our choice to stay caught or to go put our mind to use in a way that feels better,
A way that brings us back to truth brings us back to our body brings us back to something that has us actually get to show up in the world how we want to.
And so you might just take a moment to take a deep breath.
And maybe even ponder a place that maybe you've been ruminating or that you've been caught.
And one just being kind that's always,
You know,
The first step is being able to be kind to yourself knowing that it's normal knowing that this is what the mind naturally does and that that's okay.
And then in your mind right now making a plan for Okay,
Next time this comes up in my mind,
What else could I do?
That is maybe good for my body,
Good for my mind,
Good for my spirit.
And then the practices and this is the practice is actually going and doing that thing.
So not just thinking about doing that thing.
But getting up and doing that thing putting on your shoes,
Grabbing the instrument,
Shutting down your computer.
I literally right before I made this podcast,
I just turned my phone off.
It's often what I have to do.
Just turn my phone off.
And I'll turn it back on eventually.
But turning it off giving myself the ability to actually pause setting myself up for success.
And then doing it.
Every moment we have choice whether we will perpetuate our suffering or pausing,
Being kind and practicing something else.
And maybe if we each just practice something else more often,
We're not going to do it perfectly every time.
But if we each practice doing the skillful thing more often,
Potentially,
We might change how we interact with the person like I did yesterday.
And maybe that in slow,
Methodical practiced ways is how we begin to change our world.
And we're all capable of it.
You're completely capable of it.
As I like to say right before I start every meditation,
Awakening is possible.
Awakening is possible.
Okay,
If you loved this,
Please rate and review it.
Thank you so much.
Until next time.
