The Gifts Of Recognition, Admiration, And Laughter

Too many times I let the chance go by to recognize someone for who they are, or something they’ve done. Or to appreciate them. Can you relate? I want to be better at that. What if we didn't let any chances go by? What if we recognized everyone, as often as possible,

seeing, and saying (if that’s welcome), that we see their amazingness or their pain?

And appreciating them?

It feels like our profession, maybe our world, could be better if we tried to do that.

Transcript

Hey everyone, It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 358. We're still exploring generosity or dana, The first of the six paramitas or perfections of heart and mind. And this paramita, It's sometimes called dana paramita, That's the poly, Is so multi-dimensional that we've explored giving material goods, Giving our time, Sharing mindfulness with others overtly or simply by embodying it, And what generosity looks like when it's an offer of safety. And there's more. It's also possible to be generous with our recognition, Our praise, Our joy. Yeah. And all three of these seem to me often to be in short supply in the law, Right? So let's start with recognition. Is there anyone that you can call to mind right now who did or said something important or useful or just kind in the last few days or weeks or months? And did you take a moment to recognize them? And if so, How did you do it? Could you see the good it brought them? And how did it make you feel? And what did you recognize? Was it an accomplishment? Was it their kindness? And is there anyone who you could or maybe should recognize right now? And can you make a plan to do that? Now, Sometimes I think about recognition not so much in terms of generosity, But rather in terms of an obligation, Like when I'm working with someone and they contribute and I think, Oh, It's fair to recognize them and not take the credit for myself. Or sometimes I even think about it in legal terms in the sense that I shouldn't take credit because that might get me in trouble. And it feels like there's an edge to this kind of recognition, Like it's something that I have to do. Generosity gives recognition a different flavor, At least for me. Recognizing someone out of generosity feels like it's about seeing them and wanting to lift them up to be seen for the work they've done or for the wonderful human that they are. Wanting them to be celebrated. And then I can take joy from their joy in being celebrated, Which feels rooted in generosity and could be a good example for others to do that, Too. So recognition grounded in generosity seems like a situation where everyone wins. And recognition is also something we can give with generosity when someone is in pain. So when I'm having a hard time, Just having someone recognize that is so powerful, So helpful. And maybe you've had that experience, Too, Either of being recognized as being in a difficult moment or of offering recognition to someone who's suffering. You know, It's the foundation for compassion if you think about it, Right? I see you, I see your suffering, I recognize out loud that this is a difficult moment for you. And then I care and want to help. Sadly, Sadly, I think recognizing someone's suffering is easier said than done in our profession, Right? We lawyers tend to hide our suffering. You know, The difficulties we're having, We're supposed to be tough, We're supposed to handle anything, Everything, Take on whatever is needed. My mother used to say, Shoulders as broad as the world, You know, And that's what we've learned to be in the law. And I know a lot of lawyers who would rather die and I'm, I mean, I say that as a joke, Not joke, And it's possibly literally right, Then allow a crack to show in their armor. And I present as gruff, Short temper disconnected. Now the teacher who flies off the handle or doesn't notice the associates or the staff or the teacher who doesn't take the time to really see their students or the associate whose head is down, Nose to the grindstone 24-7, 365, You know. Recognizing these folks might look different because they seem so unapproachable, Like they don't need any recognition, But they probably do. So what about first seeing that maybe they're in some pain, They have some suffering, You know, Maybe there's loneliness, Or another afflictive emotion like fear or frustration or anxiety, Or depression. So can we recognize one another without even saying anything where saying something might feel intrusive? You know, Just do that by being kind. So all of this is the gift, The generosity of recognition. And then what about the gift of admiration? And I think of it this way, Like if recognition is step one, Admiration might be step two. And it feels like it has a lot of possibilities, The gift of admiring the other folks on the road, Their thoughtfulness, Their need to get to work too, Rather than seeing them as they're in my way, Right? Or admiring someone for the work they've done, You know, From the humblest to the most astonishing, And doing that out loud for their benefit to set an example, And if they're not right there, So that it gets back to them. You know, Think about the difference it could make if instead of snarky comments getting back to somebody or a kind of baseline of competitiveness, We could generously offer heartfelt praise and admiration to our colleagues. That was our norm, Right? I guess it would be like, What if we could shift the adversarial nature of the practice of law without necessarily abandoning the adversary system? Not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, You know, Shakespeare said it, Taming of the Shrew, Right? He said it as if it were true. He might have been being a little optimistic, Do as adversaries do in the law, Strive mightily, But eat and drink as friends. So yeah, He might have been being a little optimistic, But I like that as an aspiration. And then last but not least, The gift of laughter. You know, Anyone can offer joy and laughter. We can offer it to lighten the load. We can offer it to help us take ourselves and maybe the incredibly serious things we have to do, Take those just a little bit less seriously, Not laughing at, But lasting with, Right? So not laughing at someone's expense, But laughter that says, I see what you're going through. I appreciate you. I've been there too. I get how hard this is, What a pain this is. I feel like for me, Anyone who offers that kind of laughter is like a national treasure in the law. You know, Their disc feels immeasurable. And I love being around people like that, Even in super serious settings. And sure, Laughter isn't always appropriate in our line of work, Right? But in and around the serious moments, Can we offer a little laughter, A little joy, Not hold that back. Can we find ways to offer it when we can and when it's appropriate? And, You know, Work from both ends too. Can we also let joy and laughter in? And in that way, Be generous towards ourselves. Right? So I will leave you with that as a kind of inquiry, This last piece of like, Are there moments when I can bring laughter into whatever I'm doing, However serious it is. And I'll also leave you with this. So there's this small yoga class. And the teacher is sitting on their mat. And then the three students are facing the teacher sitting on theirs. And the teacher is a red velvet cupcake. And one student is a chocolate chip cookie. And another is a vanilla cupcake. And the third is a donut. And the teacher says, Okay, Everyone, Your center. All right. Let's sit. Taking a moment to settle in. Find your center. Take a few centering breaths. If you happen to have a smile on your face now, See if you can intentionally keep it there. And then if the breath is going to be your focus for this set, Bringing the attention to the breath. Just the way that it's flowing in out of the body. If attention to sound is more resonant for you today, Then allow yourself to just bring the attention to the sound in your environment. As it comes and goes just like the breath coming and going. And then to whatever extent a sense of ease is available to you. Relax into that sense of ease. Nothing you have to be doing right now. The next seven or so minutes. No place you have to go. Unless you happen to be driving, In which case you're probably going somewhere. Put your hands against your face. Way of underestimated yourself. Sensing into the generosity towards yourself, Forgiving yourself a few minutes. Rest, Relax, To pause, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Maybe recognizing yourself for your intention and effort today. Making a moment to recognize yourself and appreciate yourself for your practice. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Rest, Relax, To have some ease. Thanks, Everyone. Really nice to see you all on the Wake Up Call today. Have a great Thursday. Have a good week. And I'll see you next Thursday. And yeah, Keep finding that center.