The Compatibility Of Kindness

Is it my imagination or is there a general sense in the law that if we're kind, to ourselves or anyone else, we'll be perceived as weak? Or not just perceived, but that we'll actually be weak? In terms of how we treat ourselves, I hear it from my students in the form of, "I had to be hard on myself to get as far as I have." I hear it from my colleagues, too - the supposed power of anger turned inwards. And I'm all too familiar with it personally.