The Compatibility Of Kindness

Is it my imagination or is there a general sense in the law that if we're kind, to ourselves or anyone else, we'll be perceived as weak? Or not just perceived, but that we'll actually be weak? In terms of how we treat ourselves, I hear it from my students in the form of, "I had to be hard on myself to get as far as I have." I hear it from my colleagues, too - the supposed power of anger turned inwards. And I'm all too familiar with it personally.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

It's Judy Toan and this is Wake Up Call 349.

So here we are,

The last chapter of this treasure of the Dhammapada,

Chapter 26,

And the name of the chapter is the Brahmin.

So a Brahmin refers to someone who is born into the priestly caste.

And putting aside the obvious and obviously important conversation about caste,

For today,

My understanding is that Brahmins still to this day in India perform the duties of priests and live a relatively ascetic life,

Although that's not necessarily strictly adhered to.

So chapter 26 is almost a summary,

Maybe an aspirational landing place after all of the work instructed by the first 25 chapters of the Dhammapada.

And as such,

It's actually specifically not referring to someone who is born a Brahmin.

In fact,

One of the early verses of this fairly long chapter says,

Not by matted hair,

Nor by clan,

Not by birth does one become a Brahmin.

The one in whom there is truth and Dharma or wisdom is the one who is pure,

Who is a Brahmin.

So the chapter is pointing to someone who has attained Brahminhood,

If you will,

By cultivating the traits of a Brahmin.

And to me,

This feels optimistic,

You know,

Not because we're aspiring to matted hair and asceticism,

But because it's possible to acquire the traits,

Basically the wisdom and compassion,

Not to become a Brahmin,

But to live in the more like one,

Which makes the teachings of mindfulness feel accessible and useful in the world and specifically in the law,

Where it feels to me like we really need them so much right now.

Most of the rest of the chapters,

Most of the verses of chapter 26 are recitations of those traits.

Says someone who does know ill through body,

Speech and mind,

And is restrained in these three areas.

Someone who endures abuse,

Assault and imprisonment without animosity,

And who has forbearance as one's strength and one's mighty army.

Someone who speaks what is true,

Informative and not harsh,

Who gives offense to no one,

Who takes nothing not given,

Who is without anger or craving,

Who knows right here,

Right here,

The end of suffering.

And after each of these verses,

There's the following refrain,

This person I call a Brahmin.

I have to admit attainment to all of these traits seems wonderful,

But also very aspirational to me.

And maybe full attainment doesn't have to be the goal.

Maybe the goal is more modest,

A kind of iteration between the commitment we make to our practice and to being the wisest and kindest person and lawyer we can be and self-compassion when we fall short and need to reorient ourselves or restart the process altogether.

And maybe this is the most reasonable path for those of us who are living and working in an adversary system,

Which is itself located squarely inside of a white patriarchal racialized system.

You know,

I've had moments of considering giving up everything and going to a practice center for an extended period of time in the hopes of cultivating greater wisdom,

More durable kindness and compassion.

But I've had many more moments of putting one foot in front of the other and just doing my best.

Noticing when I'm falling short,

Trying not to be too hard on myself,

But unfortunately,

Many times remembering that after I first silently chastised myself,

You know,

And then getting back on the path.

So to say there is a lot to keep in mind,

Given that we've just spent 26 weeks,

Half a year going through the Dhammapada and by the way,

I've picked and chosen.

We haven't gone through every verse of every chapter.

So to say there's a lot to keep in mind is in one way a huge understatement.

There's a lot to keep in mind.

But in another way of thinking about it,

There's just one thing to keep in mind,

Which is kindness.

So kindness is considered what a soft skill in our profession,

If it even makes it into the skills category at all.

You know,

We don't teach it in law school or not much anyway.

And I'm not sure we find it in the training manuals for the top 100 law firms,

Or even the most dedicated public interest organizations,

Or even in the PD or DA training manuals or in the courtrooms where our young lawyers are clerking.

And even if we did find it,

My guess is that it would refer to others,

Which is important,

Definitely.

But I think it's even more important to learn to be kind to ourselves.

Because unless we can do that,

Or really until we can do that,

Right,

We can't really be kind to anyone else.

We just don't have a blueprint.

You know,

We don't know how to do it.

But kindness in the way that it supports the development of the qualities of a Brahmin and the qualities of a great lawyer,

It's also not about giving ourselves the buy,

You know,

I think of it as kind of the opposite.

I think of it more as looking at life,

Our own very personal experience of our life,

Squarely in the eye,

Paying attention moment to moment mindfully,

To the qualities of heart and mind that are our default modes.

Remembering our aspirations in case those aspirations are not our default modes.

And doing that without judgment,

Without defensiveness,

Without denial,

Without anything that might get in the way of our curiosity and our willingness to see and to change.

So it's a kind of fierce kindness,

If you will.

And it might look like,

You know,

Here is my anger.

And now that I see it,

I can be kind to myself,

Remembering that everyone has anger.

And with this attitude,

Let go and watch it move through,

Making room for kindness towards others.

Or here is my selfishness.

And now that I see it,

I can be kind to myself around it,

Remembering that everyone is selfish at times.

And with that attitude,

Let go and watch selfishness make room for generosity,

Which is just another incarnation of kindness.

Or here is my frustration,

My exasperation,

My fear,

My loneliness.

And here is kindness towards all of them.

And the recollection that they are not in fact mine,

But are simply arising as they do for everyone.

Because of the causes and conditions of our lives,

Of the law,

Of the systems we live inside of,

Of the paroxysms our planet is going through.

So I feel really happy to have taken this half year to study the traits of a Brahmin up close with you all.

And just committing and recommitting to turning towards,

To seeing,

To not judging,

To being kind to ourselves,

To remembering that nothing is ours,

And to building on that in our relationships with ourselves and with everyone,

Even the most difficult people.

The texts say that mindfulness is onward leading,

Right?

And so we notice the power of kindness and its excellent consequences.

And then that noticing is the inspiration to continue a lifelong process of kindly abandoning all that is unwholesome.

And then slowly,

Steadily,

And kindly cultivating all that is wholesome.

So you know what a beautiful collective endeavor everybody.

Okay,

So let's sit.

Taking a few breaths and a few minutes to just ground in the present moment.

Finding your posture.

Settling in.

Taking a few intentional breaths,

A few conscious breaths.

Unsub fo And if the mind is steady right now,

Feeling the gladness of that.

And if the mind is unsteady,

Being generous to yourself around that.

And then beginning to orient towards kindness towards yourself,

Maybe placing a hand on the heart or on the belly or simply bringing the attention to the heart.

And remembering that the texts,

The ancient texts say that you can look the whole world over and never find another person more worthy of kindness than yourself.

And with that in mind,

Noticing all that you're doing right now,

Right now in the cultivation of these wholesome qualities of the Brahman.

Really wishing yourself well-being in this beautiful endeavor.

May I be kind to myself.

Repeating that silently to yourself.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself.

May I remember that I am worthy of kindness.

Repeating that to yourself.

My practice today and every day is an act of kindness towards myself.

Repeating that to yourself.

May I be kind to myself.

I see the many ways that I am kind to others.

And appreciate myself for that.

Repeating that to yourself.

And letting the intentionality go and just sitting in a field of kindness for the last few moments of our practice.

Thank you.

Thank you.