Hey everyone,
It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 437.
Pema Chodron is talking about the six paramitas or perfections of mind as we near the end of her book,
The Places That Scare You.
So the first paramita,
Generosity.
Second is sila or ethics or harmony,
Topics of the last two Wake Up Calls.
And the last one is called kshanti in the Pali language,
Language of the ancient teachings of mindfulness.
And in English,
Kshanti translates as patience.
So today's Wake Up Call is about patience with ourselves.
Before I started studying the paramitas,
I considered myself a patient person.
And now I can only say I'm practicing being patient with my impatience.
For me,
Impatience is sneaky,
It slips into so many moments of my day.
Sometimes I notice impatience early in the morning when I wake up and walk to my little practice space to meditate.
I notice I'm walking up there with the intention to get to my practice,
And if I'm being honest,
To get done with my practice.
I notice my feet moving more quickly than they need to,
And there's this kind of striving to get there so that I can get done and then get to whatever I'm imagining is happening next.
Sometimes I remember Jack Kornfield's story of the young monk who was sitting,
Sitting,
Sitting all day long,
But he was agitated and he kept looking around all the time,
And the teacher finally came over and whispered to him,
There's nothing happening next.
Sometimes I remember that story,
But it isn't always the case.
And yet there's nothing happening next is always the case,
Isn't it?
I mean,
There is nothing happening next.
We may think we have this or that appointment or this or that deadline or meeting or a birthday coming up,
But things can change in a moment.
Our very lives can end in a moment.
And so from that perspective,
It's easier to see the truth of that teacher's whisper that there really is an awfully good chance that there's nothing happening next.
So that truth is what helps me remember to slow down,
Remember to walk more slowly and savor each step,
Savor laying out my mat,
Moving into each asana,
Concluding the yoga,
Setting up for meditation,
Sitting.
And also remember that each of those steps can be a moment of patience or a moment of peace.
And of course,
The ironic but completely obvious thing is that even when impatience is driving me,
I don't finish any sooner.
Patience doesn't slow me down,
But it does slow down my heart.
I would say it brings a kind of dignity to each moment.
It reminds me that each moment is worthy of attention,
That each moment is enough.
I love what Thich Nhat Hanh says.
He says,
When we walk like we are rushing,
We print anxiety and sorrow upon the earth.
Therefore,
We should walk as if we are kissing the earth with our feet.
Impatience shows up for me quite a lot.
In conversation,
I have a quick mind.
I suspect everyone here has a quick mind.
Law school,
The practice of law,
Training grounds for the cultivation of the quick mind.
I can analyze a problem quickly.
I can quickly find a solution.
When I came out of law school and started hanging out with my non-lawyer friends again,
It felt like there were all kinds of wonderful people to hang out with,
To play with.
The problem was,
And the problem still is,
Their minds just aren't trained to be as quick as my lawyer friend's minds and mine.
Problem,
Right?
That's just how I'm characterizing it,
But,
Right.
Not a problem.
It's also true at home.
You know,
I have this brilliant partner,
Physician,
Also knows how to fix things and build things and plant things,
Knows finance as well as the experts,
Navigates gatherings of humans much better than I do with so much humor and with grace,
Has a much more considered mind than me.
I raise an idea and it takes him forever.
I mean,
Seriously,
It can be a full 60 seconds before he responds.
This is my most fertile ground for impatience.
I notice my body tensing up,
My belly,
My throat,
Even my hands.
It's like I'm poised to pounce.
I say something and I expect this witty instantaneous reply and there are 60 seconds.
I want to move into a conversation or really,
If I'm being honest,
Through a conversation and move on and there are those 60 seconds.
I have this urge to say something snarky like,
Hello,
And sometimes,
You know,
He definitely doesn't deserve this,
Urge to say hello happens more often than I catch it before.
And it's all just impatience.
When I do catch my hello before I say it,
Or even better catch my impatience when my fingernails start to bite into my palms,
Then I can relax.
And if I catch it first,
I can remind myself to actually relax the body.
And what I know from my own experience is that relaxing the body relaxes the mind.
And I say that imagining it's obvious to everyone else.
But for me,
It took so long to verify for myself that mindfulness of the body is about just that,
Paying attention to the clenched belly,
The tightness in the throat,
Those sharp fingernails cutting into my palms,
And staying with that mindfulness,
Staying with it.
And as Pema says,
Realizing that underneath it is my old friend fear,
Fear that things aren't happening on my timetable or to my way of thinking or won't get done or decided at all.
And Pema reminds us that paying attention to the body nails us right to the spot.
She says staying with that stickiness,
The broken heart,
The feeling of hopelessness,
That is the path of true awakening.
Practicing with impatience,
It often feels to me like sticky,
Broken,
Even hopeless.
But then when I do remember to relax,
I have so much joy,
So much joy when patience arises.
It's like watching a beautiful porpoise breach the ocean slowly,
Silently from the shore.
You know,
Patience is like grace itself.
And I honestly don't think I'll ever get to a point when patience arises all the time or when impatience never arises.
So I'm trying to make peace with that,
You know,
Peace with knowing that impatience in one form or another is probably my lifelong compassion,
Companion,
It's compassion,
Could be compassion,
But it's companion for sure.
So I guess it's the title,
Patience with impatience.
And it helps me to remember what Pema says about that,
About kshanti,
Patience,
And all of the parmitas,
Patience,
Generosity,
Harmony,
And the other three we'll explore over the next three weeks.
Here's what she says.
Being ambitious about paramita practice is a setup for failure.
When we give up the hope of doing it right and the fear of getting it wrong,
We realize that winning and losing,
Both acceptable.
In either case,
We have nothing to hang on to.
Moment by moment,
We are traveling to the other shore.
So yeah,
Let's sit with that.
So finding your most supportive posture for the next 10 minutes and noticing if impatience is present right now.
Do you have any sense,
Which I often have when I sit down,
Okay,
When will it be over?
When will I have done my practice?
And if you do,
Just the amusement of that,
Right?
Just being amused that that's just,
Yeah.
And if you don't,
Wonderful,
How wonderful.
So attending to whatever is here,
Seeing what is present in this body right now in this moment,
Noticing what's present.
Is relaxation present?
Is impatience present?
Is there tightness?
Is there agitation?
Is there ease?
And can there be an openness or a patience with whatever is present?
Kind of letting go into this moment.
These paramitas,
They work together.
So patience invites a certain amount of generosity.
Can we be generous with ourselves in this moment,
Giving ourselves the gift of a few breaths of relaxation,
Of letting go?
Can we sense into the rightness or harmony of that as a practice?
And if there's any sense right now of what's happening next,
Just notice them.
Maybe for the last few moments of ours,
Sit together.
Attending to the body and noticing,
Where is a little more relaxation available?
Where can I let go just a little bit more?
Thanks for coming to The Wake Up Call today.
Wonderful to see you all.
Take good care.
Be safe out there.
I'll see you next Thursday.
