Creating Safety

Anne Lamott says, “My mind is like a bad neighborhood – I try not to go there alone.” I sometimes feel that way about the law. There’s almost nothing about practicing law that I can recall, that’s about creating good neighborhoods or safe neighborhoods, or safety in general.

What if that changed? Could mindfulness support the creation of an adversary system, or could it work within the current system, in a way that allowed everyone to feel safe?

It’s at least worth exploring.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 323 on October 28.

So last week I was trying to work through whether kind of in a nutshell chapter eight of the Dhammapada is offering us this invitation to choose to be less concerned with our own aspirations and more affirming and appreciative and honoring of others.

And I really like the framing for the humility that it brings and also for the possibility it offers of transforming our relationships.

Because in a way what is mindfulness practice on a personal interpersonal and systemic level if not the letting go of self-concern and learning to focus on seeing the good in and helping others and the world.

So of course this is not necessarily what the law is known for and or at least in its traditional venues.

You know there the law is known for its kind of right-wrong win-lose framework and we're pretty much taught,

Unless those of us teaching dismantle this view in our classrooms,

And it's not so easy to do and our institutions don't necessarily support this work.

So we're pretty much taught that it's not really just win or lose,

It's win or not get the job,

It's win or not make partner,

It's win or not be thought well of,

It's win or not think well of ourselves.

When I was a very young lawyer the senior partner taught me what he called a trick.

Make sure the deponent or my opponent was facing the window,

Facing the view,

Which was really pretty and would distract them.

Make sure I was facing the wall or the closed door with nothing to distract me,

So more or less seeding to win.

And I also learned how to control conversation with rhetorical devices like adding unnecessary words onto the end of my sentences so that no one could ever start speaking because there was never really an end to my sentences and you know the drill.

So speaking to win,

And then we all learned how to write a winning motion,

Make a winning argument,

If we're teaching take command of a classroom,

So dominating to win.

And yeah so today in less than an hour is the opening of the 2021 Law and Social Change Jam and the Jam is full of lawyers and my role as one of seven co-facilitators,

We call ourselves facilitants,

Is to do just the opposite of seeding,

Speaking,

And dominating to win,

Right?

It's to help co-create a container along with our 20 participants that's sturdy and loving and safe.

And so I was talking about that with Jeff Carrolyn,

One of my co-facilitators and a criminal defense lawyer in Toronto,

And Jeff is just a little more than half my age but he's so wise,

So connected,

So joyful.

And as we talked,

I was thinking how different sturdy,

Loving,

And safe is from everyday law and wondering how to create containers like that in which to advocate inside our current system if that's possible.

And I know that Jeff has done a lot of this beautiful work and I know it's being done in certain venues here like in restorative justice venues,

One the San Francisco DA's office by another of my co-facilitators and a graduate of 2016 teacher training,

Demaris Evans.

And so if it's being done in certain venues like RJ then what elements would we need to bring this sturdy,

Loving,

And safe space into all venues in the law and from my perspective specifically what elements of mindfulness?

So I was sitting with this and I think the first element has to be what Roshi Joan calls down regulation,

Calming the nervous system.

We are so up-regulated in the law.

And I love this formulation by Spirit Rock and also Zen teacher Pamela Weiss.

She says you have to calm down before you can wake up.

And so in my experience,

My personal experience,

Down regulation,

Calming down requires two things.

It requires practice and then it requires a little bit of vigilance.

So the practice is present moment attention,

What we do together here and what all of you are doing with the breath or sound as an object,

With courage and grace when things that are difficult arise and then staying with them and not wishing they were different.

And down regulation not only happens in this practice but it also then becomes more accessible in everyday life because of the practice.

So for example,

Jeff was saying that he can't meditate for an hour every morning.

He's got two little girls and a beloved partner and a full docket.

So that would be a crazy challenge.

But throughout the day,

He's finding moments of down regulation,

Remembering to feel his body,

Feel his feet on the floor,

Breathe,

Check inside.

And he's pretty vigilant about remembering to do that.

And with just that,

I think it's possible to change our habits of up regulation,

Of essentially being on high alert all the time without losing any of our professional edge.

And when we do that,

I think we make things feel safer for others,

Less frantic,

Warmer,

Less judgmental.

And then we can say,

Sit here with me.

I can listen.

I can hear.

And then maybe a person who accepts that invitation,

Colleague,

Client,

Even opposing counsel,

Can relax.

And maybe that's a great thing.

And we can actually be better at what we do in an environment of safety and love.

So the second element might be truth telling.

And in my experience,

When I tell myself the truth about how I'm feeling about the mistakes I've made,

About how it feels when I hurt someone about how afraid I am to die,

Then I'm not so afraid.

And maybe that's your experience as well.

And when we tell the truth to others,

Then other people can hear the truth.

And together we can face it.

The truth from a mindfulness perspective that we're all inextricably connected,

That everything and everyone is impermanent,

That unmitigated joy and sorrow are ours to become intimate with.

And I think these truths spoken and heard are another element of safe,

Loving space.

I think kindness is another element.

Kindness isn't the dominant element in the courtroom or conference room yet.

But what if we had a metta practice that was alive,

So alive that every time we encountered another human being or any being,

Why not go for it,

We said a tiny bit of metta.

Just may you be well,

May you be safe.

And what a practice for creating safe,

Loving space.

And how would that transform the profession?

And then I would add curiosity and attunement,

Which for me are the counterweights to impatience and frustration.

When we let go of impatience,

Just mic drop it,

Boom,

Just as if it's burning our hand and turned toward the person we're with and tune in.

At least this is my experience.

And the suttas talk about mindfulness internally and externally,

Meaning also mindful of the other person tuning in directly and fully.

Like tuning an old radio dial just until the sound is crisp and clear and see who they are and how they are.

And then step one,

Step closer,

Metaphorically,

Not violating anyone's space.

And just wondering,

Just being in that space of wondering and not knowing.

Kind of hanging on their every word,

Letting their words rumble around in the heart.

Imagine that.

And if you've had the experience,

Remember how it feels if you've been attended to at that level.

And if you've had the experience,

Remember how that feels if you've attended to someone at that level recently.

To me,

It feels like this thing that I'm suggesting,

Sturdy,

Safe,

Loving space.

And then I guess last but not least for today,

And I'm sure your list would include other important qualities and maybe omit some of mine and maybe I'll think about this more and have others.

But for me,

Today,

Last but not least,

Compassion.

Remembering the difference between empathy and compassion,

That empathy is feeling how the other people are feeling and compassion is doing that and wanting to help.

And just imagine if the containers that we create in the law could be containers full of care and wanting to help.

Containers of true concern.

It just feels,

Again,

Like they would be sturdy and safe and loving.

So those are our words for today.

My words for today.

Let's sit.

So just starting by dropping in.

Feeling yourself sitting,

Standing,

Lying down.

Whatever posture you have chosen,

Come to stillness and really feel yourself letting go into that posture.

And by definition,

Letting go into the moment.

And then just gently invite your attention either to your breath or to the sounds in your environment.

Almost like patting the side of the bed of a very small child who wants to go to bed and just letting them climb in and see how they just let go.

And seeing if that's available to you.

Just to let go into this moment.

And when the mind runs off or gets involved in something else,

The attention is gone and you notice it,

Then just come back with that same invitation.

That same kind invitation.

Bestsellingy,

You alarms� moon.

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Just over and over it's the invitation that matters.

How long an alternative romance can last.

Hi.

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May I be safe?

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