Knowing Our Fate, How Can We Quarrel?

I can take a stand on just about anything. It’s not just that I’m trained to argue. It’s also that as a human, I have preferences. And they don’t necessarily match what the world offers up.
So I’m as guilty of quarreling as the next person. As guilty of holding fast to my position, wanting to be right, wanting to win, as anyone.
Until I remember my fate. Which is the same as yours. Which is the same as everyone’s. Which is to be here, but just for a minute.
When I remember that, I remember that quarreling is a terrible idea.

I can still care passionately. I can still work as hard as I possibly can for justice and the rule of law, and make the best possible arguments, and win. But I can do it without quarreling. I can do it by practicing peace. I feel like we all can, if we only remember our fate.

Transcript

Good morning, Good afternoon. Hello everybody, It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 526. And we are looking at the Dhammapada, The poetry of mindfulness and still the first chapter which is called Dichotomies or Pairs or Choices. And the first couplet you'll remember essentially says, We are what we think, With our thoughts we make the world. And then the next couplet is about how hatred never ends through hatred, That only love dispels hatred and that this is an ancient truth which of course has been quoted by so many of the greats throughout history. And then the next line is or the next couplet is, You too shall pass away, Knowing this how can you quarrel? So I was going to combine this with other things but then I realized this is a standalone and I really love it for a lot of reasons. First we all will pass away. And you know of course society emphasizes the opposite, You know everywhere I turn I see invitations to live longer, Look younger and passing away, Also known as death, Is portrayed as an unwelcome visitor at best and you know even something we can avoid. But we know and we know on a cellular level even if we sort of sequester the news from our consciousness that we're just here for a minute because our lives aren't different from anything else which is all just arising and passing away. Everything is arising and passing away, The weather, Political movements, Empires, The breath, Our life, It's just arising and passing away. Flannery O'Connor says that the truth doesn't change according to a person's ability to stomach it and the fact that we're just here for a minute doesn't change no matter how hard it can be to accept that truth. Which is just it's also I mean it's a truth it's also a characteristic of being human right and it goes hand in hand with the fact that it's a bumpy ride and nobody gets through life without losing things or losing people or getting sick or getting injured or without things going sideways. Actually no one gets through life at all really. But the good news is we can bond around this right because it's the same for all of us which is another characteristic of being human that we're not really different from one another, We're not separate from one another, We're not better than one another or worse than one another. We're all in this life together, This challenging world together and because of that we belong to one another. One of my students wrote in their journal this week that they're sick of their classmates complaining about their fabulous apartments and their great big law jobs when the student has neither and I understand and at the same time who knows you know maybe their friends won't survive big law maybe their friends relationships won't survive big law maybe someone will die young you know so my students sick and tired pain it's understandable and it's also not different from the pain that their friends are experiencing. You know not different not separate we're all in this together we belong to one another. So these points that we exist in a changing world we're just here for a minute we belong to one another. I like the way the organization Everyday Zen talks about this on their on their website their tagline is changing and being changed by the world and that's it isn't it if we stop clinging we're just changing and being changed by the world all lifelong until the end of our lives you know which will come that last change our fate. You too shall pass away knowing this how can you quarrel. I feel like the Dhammapada is saying you know it's great this news that everything is changing and that we belong to one another and that we're just here for a minute because when we realize that those three things are true there's there's nothing to fight about right we're all in this together and just for a minute so why take sides why stake out territory why why demand more or to even take more you know why exclude anyone and why not just be kind no matter what. But the irony of this right that our leaders do things in such an opposite way that they consider fighting for their points of view or their enrichment or their power to be reasonable or even mandatory you know so how do ordinary humans like us live within the ethical framework of you too shall pass away knowing this how can you quarrel and still live in a world where people are dying because of choices that our political elite believe is their right their birthright and it's a question for each of us how how do we live knowing we we will die and also for this crowd how do we work inside an adversary profession right and not quarrel. So had to be a little geeky looked up the word quarrel and the Oxford dictionary definition is a heated argument or disagreement typically about a trivial issue between people who are usually on good terms and there it is right there right so for lawyers we have a job to do we have to be passionate advocates whatever we're fighting for justice our client the earth we have a job to do a fight to win or a deal to put to bed but is quarreling required no you know knowing we're here for just a minute that we're going to die why not state our positions with kindness why not be forceful and patient or pointed and generous why not see one another as as siblings and take care of each other like one sibling for another or one parent to a child you know from a grounded place from from an equanimous place a place that remembers that we're all in this together Pema Chodron says we should ask ourselves am I going to practice peace or am I going to war and I love that question and I love asking myself that question every day and it reminds me of a poster from when I was a little girl in the 1960s that said war is not healthy for children or other living things if you're of my vintage I'm sure you'll remember that I feel like the the dhammapada is is pointing us in the direction of not quarreling of not going to war you know of practicing kindness of being passionate winning getting things done that need to be done and remembering that the ride is bumpy and we're all in this together and we're just here for a minute and that yeah we too shall die pointing us in the direction of remembering that war is not healthy for children or other living things pointing us in the direction of ending quarrels and practicing peace so let's sit so finding your your posture for this sit this 10 minutes or nine minutes that we have together settling in taking a moment to feel the body sitting in the chair or standing or lying down or driving if you're driving that posture and bringing the attention to the breath to uh continue to ground ourselves in the present moment breath as an anchor and then when the attention feels stable letting go of the anchor and just noticing phenomenon as it arises and passes away so noticing sound or sensation or an emotion or a thought just noticing as these things arise in the field of awareness and then pass away and as you notice see if there is any subtle quarrel subtle objection chagrin and the tiniest of irritations with what's arising or with how sticky it is and see if you can let that go noticing what's arising and passing away and noticing if there's any objection any quarrel and letting that go and if if the attention gets lost come back to the breath and reground for a breath or two and then gently let go and just watch as phenomenon arises and passes away watch without quarreling