Hello,
I'm Annie Musu,
A certified EFT tapping master practitioner.
I help women build confidence,
Set boundaries,
And enjoy healthy relationships.
Welcome to my podcast,
Hush Your Mind,
Building a better relationship with yourself.
On this show,
I offer practical wisdom to help
You clear fears,
Limiting beliefs,
And trauma so that you can gracefully create a life you love.
Thanks for joining me in episode number 31 of my podcast,
Hush Your Mind,
Building a better relationship with yourself.
As a little girl,
I learned that expressing
Anger was bad,
So I turned it inwards,
Which resulted in depression and shame.
Boys learn
That being angry is better than being vulnerable.
In our society,
We see others spewing anger on
Social media.
Endless blame games fester between political parties.
Or,
On a smaller scale,
An unempathetic customer service agent makes our blood boil.
My husband,
Loic,
And I have learned painful lessons about anger in our once toxic relationship.
It amazes us
That love doesn't always conquer,
At least not immediately.
So how could we expect whole nations
To find peace?
In daily life,
We all constantly feel divided and disconnected from each other.
How do we deal with anger from a spiritual perspective to foster harmony in ourselves
And the world?
We easily forget during a dispute that anger hides other emotions.
On the surface
Level,
A person's furious expression makes us want to retaliate or curl up in a ball.
Anger
Boosts our heart rate and causes an adrenaline rush.
It's a survival mechanism that prepares
Us to attack when we feel threatened.
So seeing someone express their anger naturally fires up
Our survival mechanism as well.
Our fight-or-flight response serves to protect us,
After all.
But
Fighting back with a rude remark escalates the argument.
Running away can keep us safe for a
While,
But that doesn't solve the problem.
In mindfulness meditation,
We learn that acknowledging
All emotions is key to make peace with ourselves.
The same goes for our relationships with others.
We have to muster up the courage to look underneath the surface.
The Gottman Institute
Has a helpful image that I've added to my blog article.
Anger is like the tip of an iceberg.
What
You see from the surface can be misleading because most of the iceberg is hidden underwater.
The way
Anger works is that there are often other emotions hidden underneath the surface.
Anger can manifest
When we feel hurt,
Grief,
Vulnerable,
Afraid,
Frustrated,
Disappointed,
Powerless,
Boundaries
Have been crossed,
Stressed,
Traumatized,
Lonely,
Embarrassed,
Ashamed,
Depressed,
Disrespected,
Envious,
And insecure.
When my husband Loic exploded in anger,
My whole body would automatically
Stiffen.
The shouting felt unbearable.
At the time,
I didn't realize that these awful experiences
Reminded me of arguments with my father.
My inner child trembled with fear.
All I could do was
Either recoil or yell back.
Loic and I took hours to calm down.
Just when we thought we were ready
To have a discussion,
We found that our fight-or-flight response still controlled us.
One crude phrase
Set off the other.
To my horror,
My beloved suddenly became my enemy.
I had become his enemy
As well.
How could it be?
We both felt terribly hurt and misunderstood.
Eventually,
We moved towards
Finding a bridge between our stories.
Over the years,
We got better at remembering that each of
Us has a vulnerable core.
Buddhist teachings call this part of ourselves bodhicitta.
It's the basic
Goodness that connects us with all living things.
We can also say it's our true nature.
Our tender
Heart feels so vulnerable that we do everything we can to protect it,
Even if that means sabotaging
Ourselves and loved ones.
When my husband and I gasp in disbelief at the other's remark,
We try to
Remember with all our might our bodhicitta.
Underneath the surface,
There's a small child who
Feels hurt and afraid.
We search for common ground.
Breathing deeply,
We acknowledge our hurts,
Our
Capacity to be torn apart in two seconds,
Our fragile existence.
As scary as it may be,
We lay down
Our weapons.
Then each of us calmly shares our story while the other listens intently.
We listen
To the pain of our enemy.
Our own pain might cry out,
Impatient for our attention.
We make room for
All of the pain without getting caught up in it.
Slowly but surely,
We reveal the false assumptions,
Expectations,
And unmet needs.
We breathe through the addictive desire to be right.
There's always an aha moment when we unearth the bridge between our stories.
What surprises me the most?
We all do hurtful things to protect our vulnerable selves.
Each of us lives in our own story.
Emotional wounds need urgent care.
Oftentimes we need to
Feel understood at least a little before we can extend compassion to others.
We ideally join hands
With our enemy and take a leap of faith together,
Knowing that we could be wounded again.
To our ego,
It might even be the final blow.
But on the other side,
We foster peace and understanding.
Luik and I aren't perfect at this practice,
Of course.
It's a lifelong endeavor.
Anger teaches
Us to return to ourselves to acknowledge our fears over and over.
Once we embrace our fears,
We realize that we don't have much to lose.
Because the universe is waiting to catch us
Below the cliff,
We can afford to seek the basic goodness in our enemies.
Our resilience
Builds over time.
Each time we breathe into our fears,
We find strength to have faith and move
Forward.
By doing our inner work,
We can hope to inspire others to do the same and create a better
World together.
Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of Hash Your Mind.
If you enjoyed
It,
Please feel free to write a review.
Visit my profile and follow me to get notifications about
New content and live group tapping sessions.
If you have any questions,
Comments,
Or suggestions,
Just send me a DM.
I'd love to hear from you.
May you have the courage to love and accept yourself.
Be well and take care.
