Hello,
I'm Annie Musu,
A certified EFT tapping master practitioner.
I help women build confidence,
Set boundaries,
And enjoy healthy relationships.
Welcome to my podcast,
Hush Your Mind,
Building a better relationship with yourself.
On this show,
I offer practical wisdom to help
you clear fears,
Limiting beliefs,
And trauma so that you can gracefully create a life you love.
Thanks for joining me in episode number 29 of my podcast,
Hush Your Mind,
Building a better relationship with yourself.
Do you feel not good enough?
Perhaps you work
hard,
You work out,
And you do the works to please others,
But it's never enough.
You feel
like a hamster sprinting in its wheel.
Although you're exhausted,
It seems impossible to stop.
You might be thinking,
What's wrong with me?
But before you beat yourself up,
Listen,
There's more to this conundrum than you think.
We don't have perfectionistic tendencies for no
reason.
So why do we feel not good enough?
The first reason is often our childhood upbringing.
Here's a little story of when I used to teach English to kids here in France.
One day,
Josephine skips into my office with a huge grin.
With eager eyes,
She waits for a private English
class to start.
This four-year-old girl's joy is contagious.
We laugh at silly drawings and
makeup games to practice colors.
She seems to excel at everything.
But whenever Josephine
makes a mistake,
She recoils like a sunflower turning away from the light.
One day after class,
Josephine's dad grimaced at her notebook cover.
He said,
She didn't write the P in her name
correctly.
It did look like a B and a P had a baby.
I replied,
She's learning how to write,
It's normal.
Her dad asserted,
Yeah,
But it's not perfect.
Not long afterwards,
Josephine and I colored in triangles,
Squares,
And circles on a worksheet.
She said,
Look what
we did,
Mom,
Isn't it pretty?
Her mom glanced at the worksheet and mocked her.
I can tell Annie
did a better job at coloring.
Josephine's whole body sunk.
My heart goes out to all small children
who learned that love is conditional,
That they need to censor,
Repress,
And perfect themselves to
feel safe and accepted.
Now that you're an adult,
You get to decide if your upbringing impacts how
you feel.
Pick up the shattered bits of yourself,
Hold them close,
And let out your inner child.
The second reason why we may feel not good enough is popular images of success.
We live in a society
of not good enough.
Whether you believe it or not,
It's easy to fall prey to media.
Anyone who gets hit
dozens of times a day with ads can feel the pressure to measure up.
What's more,
Family,
Friends,
And
colleagues can push you into certain images of success.
You might even be your worst enemy.
You
might have thoughts like,
I'm not rich enough,
I should have a bigger and better home,
I hate my
hair,
Belly,
Legs,
Etc.
I should be more successful,
Or I'm not fun,
Feminine,
And sexy enough.
Pay attention to your negative thoughts.
Choose to see them as helpful signs that you're off track.
You're letting others dictate your life.
Perfection isn't about conforming to popular images of success
or beauty.
It's about marveling at how each one of nature's creations coexists,
And seeing our
falls and mistakes as part of our beauty.
The third reason why we may not feel good enough is
role-playing.
I love the French expression,
L'habit ne fait pas le moine.
The cowl doesn't make the monk.
In 1297,
François Grimaldi,
The Genoese leader of the Guelphs,
And his army disguised themselves
as Franciscan monks.
As a result,
They invaded the fortress and captured the Rock of Monaco.
The Grimaldi dynasty still reigns over the city today,
More than 700 years later.
Perfectionism forces you to play a role.
You set impossibly high standards and attach your worth
to them.
Like Grimaldi's case,
It feels like a metaphorical question of life or death.
You assume
that if you play your role well,
You'll gain approval,
Love,
And success.
Otherwise,
You'll perish in
shame and rejection.
Do any of these sound familiar?
A good parent should never yell at
their kids.
A good colleague must stay on task and polite at all times.
A good spouse takes care of
their partner first.
A good friend should overlook friends' mean remarks.
It's easy to lose yourself
in a role and treat yourself harshly when you don't match up.
Worse,
You'll never feel good enough if
you keep hiding behind your persona.
Enter anxiety,
Depression,
Anger,
And burnout.
Do you see why you
need to break out of your character?
Grimaldi's men threw off their costumes too.
The ultimate
victory is finally embracing yourself.
And finally,
The fourth reason why we don't feel good enough
is that we're avoiding pain that needs to be processed.
Perfectionism is like taking bad medicine.
In the beginning,
You don't realize it.
It sounds like a good idea.
First,
You need love or acceptance
or respect.
Two,
You perfect yourself.
Three,
Gain love.
But in reality,
It looks more like this.
One,
Need love or acceptance or respect.
Two,
Perfect yourself,
Ruminate,
Fear failure,
Beat yourself up,
Overcompensate,
Redo tasks,
Procrastinate,
Neglect self-care,
Feel anxious,
Depressed,
And never good enough.
Three,
Gain some short-lived love,
Maybe.
And four,
Repeat until nervous breakdown
occurs.
Anxiety and perfectionism fuel each other.
Long ago,
When you first began to feel not good
enough,
You grabbed the best medicine you had on hand,
Perfectionism.
It helped you cope with anxiety
and low self-esteem.
But perfectionism has many secondary effects.
By creating sky-high standards,
You set yourself up for more anxiety and failure.
In the long run,
Perfectionism actually helps you
avoid pain.
The pain of feeling not good enough,
Unworthy,
And broken.
The pain that needs to heal.
Instead of downing more bad medicine,
Give yourself the love you need.
How do you show a friend you love her?
Give her a hand-picked bouquet of wild flowers.
Take her out to lunch at her favorite cafe.
Extend the same kindness to yourself.
In conclusion,
When you don't feel good enough,
Breathe deeply.
We all feel unworthy at one point
or another.
Some people manage to accept it,
Others don't even know it's there.
Now that you're
more aware,
You have the power to choose.
You can choose to see you're already whole.
Choose to put
aside others' expectations.
Zoom in on this moment.
Peace is here right now.
Thank you so much for
joining me in this episode of Hash Your Mind.
If you enjoyed it,
Please feel free to write a review.
Visit my profile and follow me to get notifications about new content and live group
tapping sessions.
If you have any questions,
Comments,
Or suggestions,
Just send me a DM.
I'd love to hear from you.
May you have the courage to love and accept yourself.
Be well and take care.
