5 Reasons Why We Hold On To The Past And How To Let Go - E7

It’s like snatching a security blanket from a kid. Or ripping off a band-aid from an open wound. You can’t quite do it. Ditto with letting go of the past. You experienced something horrible. You play the scene over and over in your mind. You try to let go of the past and do everything you can. But you’re stuck and it's anguishing. Why do we hold on if it hurts so much? In this episode, discover 5 reasons, learn how to let go and tap along during a round of EFT Tapping.

Transcript

Hello,

I'm Annie Moussou,

A certified EFT tapping master practitioner.

I help women build confidence,

Set boundaries,

And enjoy healthy relationships.

Welcome to my podcast,

Hush Your Mind,

Building a better relationship with yourself.

On this show,

I offer practical wisdom to help you clear fears,

Limiting beliefs,

And trauma so that you can gracefully create a life you love.

It's like snatching a security blanket from a kid,

Or ripping a band-aid off of an open wound.

You can't quite do it.

Ditto with letting go of the past.

That's the dilemma,

Isn't it?

It happened 10 years ago,

6 months,

Or 2 weeks ago.

You experienced something horrible.

You play this scene over and over in your mind.

It's anguishing.

You try to let go of the past and do everything you can,

But you're stuck.

And it hurts like hell.

Why would we hold on if it hurts so much?

Listen to these 5 reasons and see which one speaks to you.

Reason number 1.

You are afraid of the unknown.

You're used to the pain.

It's what you've known your whole life,

Or a good part of it.

Maybe your parents and their parents have had similar experiences.

When you function a certain way for a while,

It can feel like that's just how things are.

People tend to stick to what they know,

Even though it causes suffering.

Letting go is scary.

Since life is unpredictable,

Knowing what to expect is reassuring.

At least with the current pain,

You know what to expect.

Your inner critic uses your fear of the unknown to protect you.

Better not take any risks.

You don't know what's out there.

You're hurting so much already.

What if you get hurt again?

Logical.

Thanks,

Inner critic,

For trying to keep us safe.

Yet,

Abiding your fear reinforces your pain and keeps you from moving on.

Unconsciously,

You've confused who you are with your past.

How to let go when it feels like you're cutting your arm off.

But you don't have to define yourself by your experience or pain.

You are not your past.

Number 2.

You believe your pain protects you.

It's a simple idea.

If I hold on to the painful experience,

I can keep it from happening again.

You're barely functioning with the horrific experience burned into your mind.

It'd be unbearable to do it all over again.

So you put immense pressure on your shoulders to be extra vigilant.

I could never forgive myself if it happened again.

Watching for signs of a potentially painful experience gives you the sense of being in control.

But it's a false sense of control.

Your inner critic believes you're not competent enough to handle the situation if it arises.

As a result,

Your inner critic uses your pain to kick you in the butt to avoid more pain.

It's like an authoritative parent who's obsessed about protecting you.

Remember the pain.

Don't forget how it happened.

Feel how awful it is.

Do anything to avoid feeling like this again.

Even though good intentions motivate this way of thinking,

You're unconsciously doing more harm.

You're living in the present through the past,

Which sets you up for more unhappiness.

Reason number three.

You want to punish the perpetrator.

They hurt you so much.

Forgiving them is unthinkable.

You want them to understand how excruciating it feels.

If they felt just as hurt,

I'd feel better.

Unfortunately,

The person who harmed you doesn't seem to care how you feel.

They might even refuse to admit what they did or blame you instead.

Their arrogance makes your head explode,

So you try to harm them back.

You do exactly what they did to you,

Or you're rude to them,

Complain,

Or ignore them altogether.

Your inner critic thinks punishing the other will remedy the problem.

Punishing the perpetrator might feel good in the moment,

But reinforces your pain in the long run.

An eye for an eye makes the world go blind.

You end up giving your power away and keeping yourself chained.

Reason number four.

It makes you feel special.

What?

Why would someone want to feel special because of their painful past?

I don't think anyone does it on purpose.

We've learned to base who we are on past experiences,

Among other things.

When you let the past dictate your value,

You sabotage your potential.

As a result,

You lock yourself into your own prison.

Some people get used to the prison.

Knowing what to expect,

Even if that means suffering,

Can give you a sense of security.

Because not everyone has gone through what you have,

It makes you stick out of the crowd,

Which means people may treat you nicer or pay extra attention to you.

If you don't get special treatment,

You might get angry and demand it of others.

If you feel ashamed because you used your past to get special treatment,

Forgive yourself.

We do what we can to feel loved.

It's human.

Reason number five.

You want to feel loved,

Safe,

And cared for.

Let this seep in.

You deserve to feel loved,

Safe,

And cared for.

You deserve to feel loved,

Safe,

And cared for.

In a perfect world,

Your family and friends gave you all the love you needed as a child.

Even if it's not the case,

You can do something about it.

As a child,

We counted on our caretakers,

But as adults,

We can learn how to take care of ourselves.

Waiting for other people to give you love creates dependence.

But it's frightening to take 100% responsibility for our well-being.

We all want someone to hold our hand,

Especially during tough times.

Sometimes it seems easier to keep blaming others,

Yet blaming never gets us far.

The pain of our past experience catches up with us sooner or later.

Free yourself.

Give yourself the love you're seeking.

Try these tips.

Before I get into those tips,

Here's a beautiful quote by Pema Children.

We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid.

Or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us.

We always have this choice.

So first,

Choose to let go.

It's a given,

But don't underestimate its importance.

Deliberately choosing to let go tells your subconscious mind that you're ready to heal and move on.

Your identification with the painful past begins to diminish.

Your inner critic will flip out.

You're vulnerable,

Danger,

Danger.

But in reality,

You're becoming stronger and taking the reins back.

You can also observe the pain.

Instead of getting overwhelmed each time you replay the painful scene,

Try observing how you feel and being more present.

How?

Try this.

Imagine you're a ship rocking on tumultuous waters.

The dark waters bashing you from all sides are the scenes from your memory and the emotions they bring up in you.

Can you feel the torment of your past experience?

Luckily,

An anchor keeps you steady.

Let yourself glide over the angry waters.

Before you know it,

The storm calms down and peace returns.

Emotions have their own fluid energy.

If you repress,

Try to control,

Or identify with your emotions,

They spring right back one way or another.

But if you observe them by remaining present,

Emotions disperse on their own in general.

You could be innocently brushing your teeth and all of a sudden,

The painful memory attacks.

As soon as you realize what's happening,

Take two minutes to visualize yourself as a ship braving the waters until you feel calmer.

It gets easier with practice.

You can also use EFT tapping to reduce the intensity of the pain.

If you don't know what EFT is or need a refresher,

Check out episode number three.

Let's just do one tapping rim right now.

Just tap on the side of your hand.

Use three or four fingers of one hand and tap on the side of the other hand,

Right below your pinky and above your wrist.

And say or think,

Even though I can't stop thinking about this painful memory,

I'm safe and okay right now.

Say that two more times while tapping on the side of your hand.

Even though I can't stop thinking about this painful memory,

I'm safe and okay right now.

Even though I can't stop thinking about this painful memory,

I'm safe and okay right now.

Then go to the top of your head,

This painful memory,

Right?

Say or think this painful memory.

Then go to the beginning of your eyebrow,

This painful memory.

Side of the eye,

This memory.

Under the eye,

This memory.

Under your nose,

I can't stop thinking about it.

On the chin,

It's so painful.

Collarbone,

This painful memory.

Under the arm,

This painful memory.

Take a deep breath and see if the memory has dissipated a little bit.

All right,

Let's move on.

So another tip is to learn from the experience without overdoing it.

I've noticed in my own life that sometimes staying present with the pain isn't enough.

If the painful memory keeps haunting you,

See what you can learn from it.

Say to yourself,

I've got nothing to lose.

What can this experience teach me about myself?

Do you need to set better boundaries,

For example?

The gleaned information clarifies your needs and wants.

Most importantly,

Put the information to use right away in your daily life,

Like saying no to one more meeting.

On the other hand,

Be careful about ruminating.

It can be incredibly useful to learn from our past,

But analyzing too much isn't helpful either.

If you feel tense or stuck,

Breathe deeply and take a break.

Bring your attention back to the present by visualizing yourself as a steady ship.

Take care of yourself.

When a painful memory paralyzes you,

Breathe deeply and accept the fact.

Then be kind to yourself.

Take out your favorite body cream and lightly massage your feet.

Volunteer,

Try a new sport or hobby.

Cuddle up with a book on the sofa.

Taking care of yourself is a way to give yourself the love,

Safety,

And closure that you're looking for.

And lastly,

Celebrate the good in your life.

Train your mind to see that the glass is also half full by noting all that's well in your life.

Everyone takes things for granted without realizing it.

Even if you feel like you're living in hell,

Muster up the courage to see at least one good thing in your life right now.

At first,

Practicing gratitude can be painful,

But with any new habit,

It gets easier with time.

So let's summarize.

Five reasons why we hold onto the past.

One,

We're afraid of the unknown.

Two,

We believe that our pain protects us.

Three,

We want to punish the perpetrator.

Four,

It makes us feel special.

And five,

We want to feel loved,

Safe,

And cared for.

And five ways to let go of the past include,

One,

Choose to let go.

Two,

Observe the pain and use EFT tapping to reduce its intensity.

Three,

Learn from the experience without overdoing it.

Four,

Take care of yourself.

And five,

Celebrate the good in your life.

Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of Hash Your Mind.

If you enjoyed it,

Please feel free to write a review,

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If you have any questions,

Comments,

Or suggestions,

Just send me a DM.

I'd love to hear from you.

May you have the courage to love and accept yourself.

Be well and take care.

Reviews

I appreciate this. It is helpful and I will come back to it again often. Thank you Namaste 🙏 🌻