When You Blame Yourself First | Selfgentle 31

This episode is part of the Two Minutes of Selfgentleness with Femke series. Something goes wrong, and you immediately blame yourself. This episode sits with the reflex of blaming yourself first, and with the old logic underneath it, that accusing yourself quickly is safer than waiting to find out. If you would like to explore this topic deeper, Femke also made a course about the same topic. You can find it in her courses tab.
If you would like to explore selfgentleness more deeply, you can find Femke's Selfgentleness courses on Insight Timer.
You are also warmly invited to join Femke's Selfgentleness Hour, a free live session on Insight Timer every second Friday of every month.

Transcript

Welcome to Two Minutes of Self-Gentleness with Femke. Something goes wrong. And you already know that it is your fault. Even before you have the facts or before anyone has said a word, You have decided that it was you. And it happened so fast. That it might feel like just being honest. But it's not honesty. It's just a habit, Something that you've learned along the lines, Along the way, That It's easier to blame yourself, So that nothing and no one could surprise you. Somewhere, And maybe not even so consciously, You decided that blaming yourself was safer. Than waiting to find out. Who actually made that mistake. And you would never ever blame anyone else this quickly. So, You are allowed. To take a moment. And do not know. Who's fault it is? And honestly. Sometimes things go wrong. We all make mistakes. And that's okay. Now let's affirm this, So you will know and feel more deeply. That you don't have to blame yourself. Immediately when something goes wrong. You can say the lines along with me, Or just listen to my voice. I can wait before I decide that this is my fault. I do not have to be the first one to accuse me. I can look at what happened without looking for my failure in it. I'm allowed to make mistakes without being bad. I can be on my own side, While I find out. I am the most important person to consistently deserve my own gentleness. Now darling, You can come back to this anytime you need this. Sending you my love.

Reviews

That was beautiful! After being taught by previous abusive relationships that everything was my fault, this is a powerful message! Thank you!