It was validating to hear this message. I often do find that I’m exhausted after spending time with people—especially those that are grumpy or anxious, upset or drama-prone. It *drains* me. I work so earnestly to help to make them feel better, so that *I* can feel more at ease. And so I am constantly forgeting what you remind us of: that…”I am not responsible for managing the well-being and mood of everyone one in the room.” I should probably write that on a slip of paper and place it in my wallet, or tape it to a bathroom mirror. I don’t know why it eludes me, except I’m aware that my “mirror neurons” seem finely tuned (sensitized, really) to pick up when others are less than content—and then, to meet them at that lower frequency or mood-energy state.
Perhaps I really was conditioned as a young boy in a very combative household—the eldest of two other adopted siblings, and, finally, a brother with my adoptive parents as his *biological* parents. I was made to be diplomatic, never to show anger and always on the alert for some meltdown. “Do NOT make me upset!” was heard almost daily, amidst all the shouting and spanking and crying and whatnot.
Outside of the home filled with conflict and upset, I found myself being bullied at age 12 so pervasively, and for such an extended period, that I lost the desire to keep on living. I wasn’t safe at home OR out in the world.
As I grew older, I avoided any kind of confrontation, and I often tried to use humor as deflection. Or I would apologize first, to try to soften any strained situation. Yep; I was the one who constantly leapt forth and—as you perfectly described—I was the one to try to “smooth everything over.”
This trait(?) probably hasn’t served me particularly well, but I’m unsure of whether to try to completely reverse the impulse, and whether that would even be possible—or beneficial. Your wisdom has helped me in past conversations, so, I felt comfortable asking you about this, given this particular SelfGentleness®️ topic today. Cheers. 🙏🏼
