Why You Can Feel Lonely Even When You're Not Alone

Have you ever been surrounded by people and still felt completely alone?
Loneliness isn't always about being by yourself. You can have family, friends, a partner, or a busy social life and still long for a deeper sense of connection—to feel seen, understood, and truly known. In this talk, Ed Fox explores why we can experience loneliness even when people are present in our lives. Sometimes what we're longing for isn't simply more people, but a deeper connection with ourselves, with others, and with life. You'll be invited to look at loneliness in a different way—not as something wrong with you that needs to be fixed, but as a possible doorway into discovering what you're truly longing for. This is the beginning of a three-part exploration of loneliness, self-connection, and the healing power of connection.

Transcript

Hi there, This is Ed Fox, And I wanna welcome you to this first talk. In the Loneliness in Connections series. The topic today is why. You can feel lonely even when you're not alone. Have you ever been in a full room of people? And somehow. . . Feel completely alone. So many people do feel like this. You know, Loneliness. Isn't necessarily about being physically alone. There's a gap. Between the connection that we have. With people. And the connection that we long for. So being alone can actually feel peaceful. And loneliness. Can happen in a crowded room. So the question to ask yourself is, When you're in. And about with people. And you're feeling lonely, What are you really feeling? People may call it emptiness. Or restlessness. Or disconnection. Even boredom. Or they may feel that nobody really understands them. These are all signs. Of not feeling connected. With the people around you. Or it's possible. That the level of connection that you're desiring from the people around you are not there. They're not asking you the questions that you'd like them to. They're not participating. Sharing possibly their life with you the way you'd like. And so this all leads to a feeling. Of not being connected. And therefore you feel alone. So now, Let's take another. A look at another side of this. Might we? Be participating in our own disconnection when we're in and around people. Sometimes we go into a crowded room with people. And fears pop up in our minds. Maybe we're afraid to speak. A truth. Maybe we're afraid that people. . . Will be rude to us or hurt us. Based on other experiences or previous experiences. So we go into a room with a. . . Predisposition. That people might attack, People might avoid us, And therefore, In some self-fulfilling prophecy, We hold back. Unconsciously. We lose the spontaneity to be ourselves. A free, Loving being. Self. And our doubt in ourself can actually. . . Keep us from reaching out to people. And therefore, We feel disconnected. And this is not unusual, So many of my clients. Come to me. And the session starts. And the Zoom call begins, And I look at their face. And they say to me, I want to be connected with, But I'm so guarded. Because I have this fear of this happening. And so our fears, Our beliefs. . . Our previous traumas can also play a role. In holding us back. From being fluid. Holding us back. Going across the room and saying hi to that interesting person there. Or it may hold us back. From walking away from a person that just wants to talk to us without asking us any questions. So the way I work with my clients, And what I'm recommending to you, Is that you? When you feel this disconnection, When you're among other people, Ask yourself. Am I afraid of? Am I holding myself back? I know I want to go talk to that person, Or I know I want to get away from this person. Why? What has happened to me in the past? That has created. Or a trigger for me. To not. Be present. To not share, To not be there. And when you discover that moment in your past. Then go over it and realize. That's this. Is just an old wound. That's not going on. That's not present right now. Acknowledge it. Feel it. And then let it go. And then find the courageousness, Find the courage. Take the other flip side and move into a conversation with someone that you want to. Find the joy in the room. Where is the joy in the room that attracts me? That person over there, That smile, That conversation, That's so close to my heart. Go ahead and. . . Code, Push yourself a little bit. Not going to let my fears overwhelm me. " and do your best. Maybe you'll do it. On the first try. Perhaps you won't, But you can give it a try. And as you try, You will succeed more and more. Because. . . Avoiding it. And coping with it will not heal it. What can you do? Physically. When you're trying to overcome your reticence to interact. To follow your joy in the room. Well, First of all, There's breathing exercises that you can do. Take a deep breath. And just relax. You may notice some stress or strain in the body. Feel it. Let it go. There's all kinds of breaths out there that you can practice. You can breathe. You can move around the room. Walk, Don't stand still, Move your body. Feel your body. Connect with your body. Many times we go into fear. And reticence. We leave our body. If you move into your body and connect with your body, You'll be more grounded. When you're more grounded, You can more easily say, No, I'm going to go in there and go to my joy in that conversation or meet that person that looks interesting. Or meet that familiar face and find out who they are. Very good. And when you're alone, You can practice this as well. This is something that you can do. In the moment or practice it. When you're out in nature. And the last point that I want to bring out. . . About. Not feeling connected with when you're with a group of people. Is that you just. . . Not feel comfortable for an unexplicable reason when you're around other people. And none of the previous. Things that I've been speaking about relate to it, You just don't feel comfortable. And I speak a lot about this in all of my talks about loneliness and connection. And that is that it could be. Could stem from. A different kind of connection, Which is self-connection. When you feel. Safe. Connecting with yourself. It's so much easier to be and feel connected with others. This is so, So basic. When most of my clients that come to me around the. . . The topic of loneliness and connection. A great deal of them do not know how to feel connected with themselves. And most of them begin to realize that When they're alone, They're uncomfortable. They just can't sit there with themselves and feel good. Be in the moment. It's okay to be alone. They somehow feel they need to do something. The mind has to be occupied. With the phone. Or with a game. Or on the phone call with someone. But just being still. Is uncomfortable to them. Is this possibly true for you? If it is. Then there are things that you can do. To become more comfortable. With yourself. Again. That will lead you into the area of where did you learn that being alone is not good. Where have you been ridiculed? Or held suspect. Because you wanted to be alone. Where did someone tell you that it would be scary to be alone? Did your parents model it for you, A brother or sister? In that case, Again, You want to look and try to remember those moments in your life. When that might have been modeled to you. And bring it up, Remember it. But with a new point of view. That this was my past. And this is not my now. And I don't want to let my past move into my future when it's. . . Not necessarily true anymore. Can you resonate with that? Yes. Meditation also helps a great deal with feeling. Good about being by yourself? It certainly is a doing, But it's a self-reflection kind of activity. That doesn't take you out of your body, Out of your mind. But it leads you into other areas of your deepest nature. Which I talk a lot about in other talks, About your deepest nature, Your infinite nature. And knowing our deepest level of our own true nature helps us feel comfortable with who we really are. In that inner world. That leads to a stability. When we go out into the world. So knowing yourself, Feeling good about yourself, Is almost a prerequisite for going out. And having a foundation for reaching out into that. Shall I say dangerous territory or unknown territory about going up to someone and saying hi. My name is Zed. I heard you talking about that and it really interested me. And not feeling. Too scared to do that. And is that sound to you? Discompensation. Can lead to the idea that if you feel disconnected. That's not a bad thing. Yeah, It's not a bad thing. This disconnection is showing me. That there's something in my past, There's something in my thinking, There's something in my belief that needs to be looked at and healed. Dealt with. And it's possible that I can do this. Absolutely possible. It's sort of like. . . An early warning system that there's something there. Rather than feeling that you're damaged or cursed. That's just not so. We are all such beautiful, Beautiful souls. So in closing, I'd just like to. . . Let you know that I have a meditation. " that aligns with this talk. And I call it. . . Loneliness. Coming home. To yourself. When you feel alone. You can find this in my audios. And it will actually address, In a meditative point of view, Everything that we've spoke about. End. You might want to check out. The part 2 series. Of my loneliness talks and meditations. Which is basically based on y. Push away. Connections that we long for. Okay, Well thank you for joining me. I hope you enjoyed this. I welcome your comments. And have a great day.