Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness can have a long-term destabilizing effect on anyone's life. It demoralizes one's spirit because it is so debilitating while totally out of one's control. While we cannot change people's minds about us we can find a part of ourselves, within, for strength & support.

Transcript

Hi,

And welcome back.

This is Ed.

In this audio,

We're going to talk about a subject that is so painful and touchy for many,

Many people.

It was for me years ago.

And that's the subject of loneliness.

At one time or another in our lives,

We feel lonely.

No one seems to be around.

No one seems to be giving their attention to us.

It may have started at a very young age when our parents were not attentive enough to us.

Or maybe as we went to school,

We just didn't fit in.

But there are so many people out there today,

You may be one of them,

That just generally feels lonely.

And along with this loneliness is a feeling that there's nothing that you can do about it that is outside of your control.

Nobody seems to want to be around you.

No one includes you.

You can't control people's interest.

You can't tell someone to be interested in you.

So it's out of our control.

And that makes it very painful.

And I want you to know that while we cannot control what other people think,

What other people want,

Or how other people act,

You can rest assured now as an adult that you know that people choose for their own reasons.

And if we're lonely,

It's not because there's something wrong with us or there's something that we need.

It can be just people's choices.

So in this meditation,

I'm going to introduce you to something that is very familiar to you,

A part of yourself that you can reunite with,

That will fill you,

It will fill you up and evaporate your loneliness even if nobody shows up.

Sounds crazy,

Doesn't it?

But it works.

Okay then.

So in this meditation,

We're going to sit and close our eyes.

We're going to get quiet and get in touch with some of the beliefs and emotions that are ruling our reactions and triggering us to behave in a way,

Yes,

That's not only attracting people to us,

But also that's keeping us from seeing and experience who we really are.

So I'd like to ask you to close your eyes.

Sit comfortably,

Feet on the floor,

Don't be lying down,

You might be prone to go to sleep early in the morning and then I'd like you either if you have a meditation,

You can do that practice or put your attention on your breath.

Feel your chest expand with every inhalation,

Rib cage in the stomach and let it out through the mouth.

Feel some tensions release as you exhale.

Take another deep breath.

Let it out,

Good.

Now notice your breath just gently without deep breathing.

Get comfortable,

Allow yourself to fall within or to expand,

To lose sense of where you are,

What you're thinking.

Many teachers talk about looking for the space between one's thoughts,

Looking for the quietness,

Good.

In this quietness,

You will notice that your thoughts come up.

You may have a thought,

I don't want to do this or gee,

You know,

I'd really said something nice or I don't believe it,

Whatever it may be.

Listen to the thought and then ask it to leave.

Don't fight it.

Just go back to your breath or your mantra or your meditation practice and just go within.

Don't think of thoughts as an interruption that you have to fight it.

Just don't pay attention to it.

Go back to your breath and just go deeper and you'll find that you'll go in,

Come out with a thought,

Then go back in deeper and come out with a thought,

Then go back in deeper and come out with a thought.

I'm going to give you a minute or so to do that.

Good,

Good.

So we're just settling in now.

If you've just joined us,

Just close your eyes and settle in.

We're going deep,

We're going into a quiet space so we can experience the quietness that we are beneath our thoughts.

It's always there.

Good.

Now once you feel you're in a quiet space,

I want you to recall an experience,

Remember we did this earlier.

I want you to recall an experience when you were made to feel lonely or you've decided to feel lonely.

Where were you?

What were you wearing?

Who was there?

What season was it?

You're remembering as clearly as you can or it could just be a faint impulse.

It's okay too.

And from where you're sitting,

You come up or you realize what was the belief that you made about yourself when that loneliness hit you.

Good.

I'm lonely because.

.

.

This lonely situation was caused by me because.

.

.

Good.

Now when you see that and you will also feel it,

And when you see that,

Call it out for what it is in that quiet space that you are.

There you are belief.

That was incorrect.

That's not true.

I was only 10 years old.

How did I know?

But that was not true.

That was the best that my 10 year old could do to make sense of what was going on.

My five year old or my three year old,

However far back you can go or your 15 year old or your 20 year old.

See it,

Understand it,

Call it for what it is.

But also accept it because you,

When you made that belief,

It made you feel better back then.

Yeah,

Two plus two equals five,

But five felt a whole lot better than nothing.

Yes,

Not knowing why anything happens is probably the most scariest thing in the world.

So your mind said two plus two equals five and you felt safe.

So go ahead and say,

I did the best I could.

Now I'm going to say that no longer exists and let it go.

Let it go.

It's not true.

Do I want to believe in something that's not true?

You may need to remind yourself that it's not true many times and you may feel that you should already not be not believing it,

But you've had this belief for maybe 10,

15,

20 years.

Give it some time.

Just call it out wherever you are.

Become aware that that thought is going on.

And the reason why you will become aware of it is because it has a buddy.

That thought has a companion that always accompanies it.

And that is a sensation and an emotional wound that's in the body.

So right now let's remember this situation again.

Bring it up where you were,

What happened,

What was said to you.

Good.

Now I want you to put your attention on your body.

I want you to feel any sensations that are going on in your body right now.

If you know what a body scan is,

Do it.

If you don't,

Then just put your attention on the different parts of your body and notice is there some warmth,

Some tingling,

Some tightness and ache notice.

And when you notice it,

Put your become aware of it and know that this tension is related to this belief.

We are connected and we're going to undo the emotional part in the body that will break the connection and allow the mind to let go of this thought.

Good.

So this is what we do with the sensation.

Say to this sensation,

Talk to it,

Say there you are sensation.

There you are the physical counterpart to this belief system that's ruling my life.

I see you and I feel you and I invite you to release in an easy loving way,

Invited to release.

Your attention is very powerful.

When you put your attention on it,

Something is going to happen.

Three things can possibly happen.

The sensation can grow and get stronger because you've asked it to release and that's beautiful.

Just be with it.

Don't judge it.

When you ask your sensations to release,

You are feeling and not thinking because your thinking will judge it.

Good,

Bad,

Great,

Not so great.

If you just feel it,

It will release.

If you judge it,

It'll just stay there.

Maybe even go deeper.

It's feeling without thinking and say to it,

I'm not going to judge you.

I've tucked you in there for so many years,

Kept you hidden,

Didn't feel you and now I'm inviting you to release.

And it can get stronger.

And as you continue to feel it without judgment,

It will eventually release.

I'm going to speak up a little bit.

I tend to whisper when I'm in a meditation.

Jane,

Let me know if this is better.

So you're going to invite it to release,

Invite it to get stronger and don't be afraid.

Embrace it.

Be courageous.

What you have waiting for you and on the other side of this release is magnificent.

Allow it.

Good.

You choose not to judge it by saying,

Judging thoughts,

Just wait,

Just stay there.

I'm going to focus on the feeling.

You don't acknowledge the thought and give it power and feed it.

Okay,

It's there,

But I'm going to stay on the feeling even though I can sense the thought outside of me,

Outside of the feeling.

So what you want to do is feel it and let it subside.

Eventually it could take a while.

If it's a deep wound,

It could go right away.

It may come back later in another meditation.

You do it again.

It could struggle and not want to release like,

Like a young child that's fighting in a fit and you just hold it and love it like a little child.

Don't let it go.

Go ahead.

You want to struggle and just keep,

I still love you.

I'm going to feel you until you can release yourself and eventually it releases.

The other situation could happen is that it could move to a different part of your body.

It can move from your solar plexus to your shoulder,

To your head,

To your back,

To your legs.

If it moves,

Follow it and when it resides somewhere say,

Okay,

There you are now.

You're moving over there.

There must be something over there too that's aligned,

Connected,

Neuro-networked together.

Okay,

There you are.

Do it again.

I see you.

I feel you.

I invite you to release.

I will not judge you.

Then you do your best just to feel it and not judge it.

Releasing not paying attention to the mind takes some time,

Which is why we spent so much time talking about it.

But with practice you can do this.

I haven't had a client in 30 years that hasn't been able to do this.

Good.

It could move again or it could just release,

Which is the third situation.

Beautiful.

You guys are doing great.

Now what I want to do is give you about five minutes or so to go and find another belief about loneliness that you have and then find where it was,

Who was there,

What was said,

Relive it,

See the belief that you had about it.

Could be the same in a different situation,

Could be the same belief.

It's okay.

See the belief and then as soon as you see the belief,

You say,

This is not true.

Do I want to believe something that's not true?

Then we'll go to the body to release the emotional part of that and feel it without thinking.

Okay,

I'm going to give you at least five minutes to do that.

Go ahead and I'll see you on the other side.

Okay.

Now what I have you do is just let go of the thought,

Let go of the sensation,

Thank the sensation for making itself known to you.

Thank the belief for coming up and letting itself be known to you.

Good.

And just be in the silence without any thought with the intention that you're going to come back to the room where you are,

Come back to your body,

Begin to wiggle your fingers and toes,

Come all the way back before you open your eyes and know that this is a meditation that you could do regularly and that will bring you great results.

Reviews

I’ll have to listen to it again. I broke out in major acid reflex due to stress.

One of the best meditations and practoces I’ve ever done. I felt the the pain of childbirth and the love for newborn. All in 30 minutes.

This was so helpful with hearing the thought & letting it go. I really needed this & feel free. Thank you.

Absolutely powerful meditation 🥰💕 Thank you so much!