The In-Between Phase

Today we're going to talk about something that I think you can really relate to.

It's something that we all go through at a certain point in our lives.

Maybe you are in it right now.

I've definitely been in it many times and especially last year and it's this phase that we can call the in-between phase.

And it's basically a phase when your current life no longer fits but your next chapter isn't clear yet.

You're sort of literally in this in-between.

It feels like this old version of you no longer fits with you.

You feel a little bit disconnected from it but your new version hasn't arrived yet.

So you're basically in this gap or at least that's what it feels like.

So today I really want to talk about this.

Is it really an in-between?

Because often we say it's an in-between but is that really true?

And are we really in this gap?

It doesn't mean that we're stuck.

And most importantly,

Especially if you're going through this right now,

What can you do about it?

How can you reframe this phase so that it's actually a phase that can support you,

That can help you,

Instead of a phase where you are just judging yourself and you're just waiting for it to change but you don't really know how.

So let's dive into it right away.

I think it's something that very few people talk about and that's why I wanted to bring it to this episode because it's something that I actually often talk about with my coaching clients but also in conversations with friends,

Especially when we go through certain life transitions.

I recently moved abroad and if I look back at the phase before moving,

I could say okay maybe I was in this in-between phase because I knew I wanted to have a change in my life but I didn't really know at a certain point what I wanted.

So the new chapter hadn't arrived yet and I was also not really happy with the previous chapter.

So should I call this chapter then an in-between phase?

And this happens when you move countries but also for example when you are in a career transition or perhaps you went through a breakup or something,

A phase that you were struggling with health.

There could be so many different reasons when you feel like you're in an in-between and it's really about feeling that you are not who you were but you're not who you are becoming either.

Right?

You're not who you were but you're also not who you are becoming either.

And as I said this phase can happen to all of us and what it can actually feel like besides thinking about when a phase like that happens,

As I said moving abroad or a career transition or a breakup,

Whatever happens,

Let's just focus a little bit on what it actually feels like.

It can often feel very restless but at the same time you can also feel very tired.

In my case I was feeling so tired and I was like okay do I have to sleep my way through this phase or what is happening?

And it's almost like you don't even have the energy to think about what's next.

And it can be draining when you want change but you lack the clarity.

You don't know what type of change you want or which steps to take and in that sense you also feel disconnected.

Perhaps you don't resonate with old identities anymore but you also don't really know what then a new identity would be and it almost feels like okay but do I have to make a choice or what is actually happening?

And it can feel like you're sort of floating around.

It feels like maybe you don't feel grounded,

That you are not really anchored in the present moment.

And often on the outside it looks like nothing is wrong but then on the inside a lot of things are happening and that is what can make it so confusing.

And just to be clear nothing is actually wrong.

So this in-between phase there's nothing wrong with it.

It's often something that we actually judge.

We really feel like oh I'm behind.

Everyone knows what they are doing with their life but I have actually no idea what I'm doing.

Can you relate to that?

I think we always feel like everyone knows what they're doing in their life.

Like when we look around you know at the lives of our friends or family or we just we're just scrolling on social media and it looks like everyone is living their best life and you are the only one who has no clue what to do next.

Well just to give you a little secret everyone feels that way.

We don't have a manual for life right?

We're just figuring things out as we go.

So this in-between phase is totally fine.

You're just figuring things out as you go.

And yes clarity hasn't arrived yet but it's about trusting that the direction you're looking for is coming.

And often that's that's I feel the biggest misunderstanding of this in-between phase is that we're searching so much for clarity that we actually forget to trust ourselves.

And when I talk about trusting yourself it's really about listening to your intuition as well.

Often we try to find solutions in our minds and that's the place where we often also feel stuck.

So we're trying to solve this problem so to say in the same place where we created the problem.

And it makes us get stuck into this loop this loop of thoughts and we're like oh how do I get out of this?

And you're not going to find it there.

You have to find it in a different place.

And often it starts with listening to your intuition and connecting to your body because your mind can get really full.

And I'm also talking about myself because I always have a full mind and ways I intentionally find ways to calm my mind down like meditation or journaling.

So there are ways that can help you to calm down your mind.

But another big thing to that is also to really tune into your body and actually feel okay what is going on here.

Because perhaps you need to find a way to reset your nervous system because perhaps you're just triggered and that's why you feel like this in-between phase that you might just be in survival mode.

And perhaps the first step is to find a way to create some more safety into that space.

And that might be the case for you.

It might also be another thing right.

But what often happens is when we are in this phase we feel like we're behind.

We feel like everyone is doing stuff.

So we are forcing ourselves to make a decision even when we're not ready yet.

Because we feel like oh you know I have to do something.

I have to get into action mode.

So we just decide something even though it perhaps doesn't even feel aligned.

Or what we do is we try to over plan our future.

It's like okay you know I just keep on working on my vision so that at least it feels like I'm moving forward.

Even though you're not actually taking action you're just envisioning things without bringing it into the present moment.

Or perhaps you're just jumping into the next thing to not sit with that discomfort.

Even if that next thing isn't necessarily what you really want.

It feels better to take that step than to really sit with yourself in a discomfort and figure out what it is that you truly want.

I know that one can be confrontational and I've been in that myself as well in the past.

But it's so important that we become aware of that we are having this type of behavior because that's the only way that we can change it.

And to really take the steps towards the things that we really want instead of just taking steps because we feel like we have to do something.

And to really listen to yourself and to ask yourself what it is that you want.

So basically what happens is we are trying to think our way through this in-between phase instead of focusing on what we actually want to feel.

And that's where the biggest shifts can happen.

So in that sense if you're feeling like you know what I think I'm actually in this phase right now.

I'm seeing it this way and I feel restless or I feel like I'm just making decisions but they're not really aligned.

I want to invite you to take a different step and see if you are open to this.

To take a little bit of a softer approach and to allow that you don't know everything.

So really allow the not knowing and sit with that which can be super uncomfortable.

To really surrender to the fact that you don't know.

You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or next week.

No one really knows,

Right?

We can make so many plans but perhaps none of them happens.

Perhaps something even better happens but we don't know.

The future will tell us but right now we don't know.

And instead of freaking out about it what if we can just allow it to be.

To surrender to that.

Because either we freak out about it or we surrender to it and are calm.

It doesn't change what's going to happen.

Like we cannot change the future in that sense,

Right?

In the way we think right now.

So we might as well just think about it in a more calm way because otherwise we're just stressing ourselves out and then what's the point?

And I think related to that it's also really about listening more to yourself about what's going on instead of trying to fix.

Because that's what we often want to do.

We just try to fix the situation instead of really listening to ourselves.

So maybe you can ask yourself where am I still in this fix mode and what happens if I just listen and see what happens.

If I maybe just sit with myself or I journal about it or maybe you know do like a coaching session with me or with someone else or maybe have a conversation with a friend about this topic and just see what shows up and really listen to that.

I think a beautiful way to think about this that has really helped me to actually reframe this notion of the in-between phase is the metaphor of when you think about a caterpillar in a cocoon.

They spend some time there and then eventually they become a butterfly.

But what actually happens,

Did you know that the caterpillar in the cocoon actually completely dissolves?

When I heard about that I thought it was super cool.

They literally completely dissolve to be able to have this rebirth into becoming the most beautiful butterfly.

And that's how you could see this in-between phase as well.

Right now you're in this cocoon and maybe from the outside it looks like nothing is happening but inside there's this whole process going on.

You're evolving into a more beautiful version of yourself,

Into a more evolved version of yourself.

And once you come out of that phase you can spread your wings and fly.

And I think that's really beautiful.

Or if you would like another example,

If you think about a flower,

You put the seed in the ground in the darkness and at the surface it looks like nothing is happening.

And you wait and wait and at a certain moment something comes out of the ground and suddenly this beautiful flower comes out and it blooms and it makes the world a more beautiful place.

What if right now you are that seed in the ground and it feels dark and it feels like there's no movement,

Feels like you're waiting,

But actually you're in the process of growing and growing and slowly coming out into the light so that you can bloom.

That's how I like to reframe this in-between phase.

And also if you really think about it in that way,

There is not really an in-between phase anyway,

Because it's a growth journey.

There's no end destination.

So if you look at your life like a book,

We just have different chapters.

So you would almost say like,

Okay,

This old chapter,

That's not me anymore,

But I don't know what my new chapter will be.

I haven't arrived yet.

So I'm in this in-between,

But you don't have an in-between in a book.

There's always one chapter after another chapter.

You could see it maybe as a blank page in your chapter before you turn the page towards a new chapter,

But it keeps on going.

There's no end destination.

There's just a journey.

So in that sense,

You cannot really be stuck because you're always growing.

You're always evolving,

Even though it might not feel like that,

Even though it might feel like you're in-between.

If you really think about it,

You're just in a growth journey.

You are in this integration or transition journey,

Like the caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

And I feel if you look at it that way,

It actually makes this whole phase more positive and more inspiring because then you feel like,

Okay,

I'm not behind.

I'm not failing.

I'm not lost.

I'm just in this transition,

Figuring out what's next.

And I know it will come and I know that it will even be better than before because the phase that I'm in right now is just preparing me for something even more beautiful.

So instead of seeing it as a limbo or a phase that nothing happens,

See it as a phase in which you are becoming more of you.

You're just unpacking layers.

You're unpacking this cocoon that you're in,

So that soon you can spread your wings.

And I think this comes back in different chapters in our lives.

I think it always goes like this a little bit,

Almost like a roller coaster.

Some moments you go up and some moments you go down.

Then there might be a pause and then it goes up again.

And this is how we keep on growing and evolving.

And I think it's really about how we carry ourselves throughout the journey,

How beneficial it's going to be for us.

If we're really conscious and aware of what's going on,

We can really use this phase in our favor.

And especially if you are going through a life transition,

It can really boost you to the next chapter that you're in.

And as I said before,

I felt like this in between a little bit before I moved abroad.

And I've moved abroad by now five times.

My most recent move was last year.

Yeah,

It's about two months ago now.

And before that,

It almost felt like,

Okay,

I have this date in my calendar that I'm flying to Australia.

So right now I'm in this in between because I'm not there yet.

But I'm also not really resonating anymore with my old life,

So to say.

So I'm almost in this waiting phase right now.

But when I started to feel like that,

Like,

Oh,

I'm in this in between,

I realized what I just shared with you.

No,

I'm actually preparing myself for the next chapter in which I know I'm going to bloom even more.

I know the next chapter is going to be even better than before.

And right now I'm preparing myself for that.

So I'm not in between anything.

I'm just taking the next steps in my journey.

If you feel like you're in the in between right now,

Or maybe you just came out of it and you feel like now you're the flower or the butterfly flying around or blooming,

Or perhaps you feel you're going towards that in between phase,

I would love to know.

I hope to see you next time.

For now,

I wish you a beautiful rest of your day.