You Choose Your Way: Become Independent

In this talk you will come to understand that truly nothing stays the same. You will see that you are not ever fully stuck, that change is inevitable, and that you need to trust your journey and your path.

Transcript

It is only possible to be a healthy and balanced person when you're regularly in deep connection with other people.

Your happiness depends on puppets.

You're a part of a social species,

But your happiness is also only possible when you're an independent person.

So how can you be independent and establish the right personal connections?

And furthermore,

How can you choose leaders that improve your life but not make you dependent?

So today we will look at how to follow leaders in a healthy way.

We will also analyze what level of independence is actually healthy.

Our goal is to be able to truly connect to others on a deeper level.

Another goal today is to learn how to choose the right leaders and trust their wisdom without necessarily relying on them.

We want to create a life of being self-sustainable all whilst being able to fully connect.

Kathleen Huggins said,

Independence grows out of a child's faith that her source of security will always be there when she needs it.

Let's find your sources of security so that you can become an independent human being.

First of all,

Let us have a look at what being independent at a healthy level actually looks like.

For that,

Let's look at the absolute extremes first,

Which are of course not so healthy.

For example,

You could live on your own property in the middle of nowhere,

Grow your own food and never see another human being for the rest of your life.

You could be absolutely and totally independent in every sense of the word.

You would also be totally unhappy and you would find it very hard to find a reason to even live.

The other extreme is to be completely dependent.

You then basically live the life of a baby.

You would be totally relying on others for everything,

Even for telling you where you should go when and what you should do.

Now these two examples are of course extremes and your unique sweet spot is somewhere in between.

It is important for you to become aware of what level of independence makes you happy.

I highly recommend spending some time with reflection around that.

When does it serve you to be dependent and when does it serve you to be independent?

Now,

Let us have a look at some of the upsides of being independent.

First of all,

Being independent means you are making your life decisions and your decisions are usually always beneficial to you,

Your happiness and your personal development.

So automatically,

Being independent means making choices that serve you.

This does not mean you should not listen to other people's ideas and thoughts,

But it does mean that your final decisions are always made by you.

The next point I want to make is that when you're independent,

It is very hard for others to take advantage of you.

Other people,

Especially in the workplace,

Will usually at least partially want you to do things for their own benefit.

This is not a bad thing.

This is just how humans function.

Also,

There are often choices available that benefit multiple people.

These types of choices and paths that serve everyone make all people involved grow the most,

Especially spiritually.

Let's look a bit deeper at the workplace.

Usually when you get hired into a person's company,

You will work underneath that person and not above that person.

This person who employs you will lead you and you will generate money for that person.

Now,

That is absolutely not a bad thing when you are in return compensated with a fair and adequate payment.

And that is always what you have to be conscious about.

Is the level of dependency worth it?

Am I getting enough out of it for myself?

Be very fussy about your independence and be very reluctant to give it up.

The next point I want to make about why independence is beneficial is that it opens you up to a whole world of new experiences.

If you live a life depending on others,

Then you will never have the thought of doing things by yourself.

Traveling by yourself,

Going to the movies by yourself,

Going for a neighborhood walk by yourself.

Imagine you're independent to the point that you would never hesitate or feel weird about doing things by yourself.

You will immediately become more explorative and get to know the world better.

Also,

If you take your independence even further,

You will be able to,

For example,

Start a company by yourself,

Create an art piece by yourself,

Move to a whole new continent by yourself.

Now,

Doing things by yourself does not mean you're either ego-driven or lonely.

You're only ego-driven or lonely when you have no meaningful relationships in your life.

Being lonely and being alone at times are very different things.

One is a negative state of mind and the other is temporarily not surrounding yourself with other people.

I would highly recommend challenge yourself to do things by yourself sometimes.

Not always and maybe not even often,

But often enough so that you can feel independent.

Another huge upside of being independent is that you will leave environments that are not serving you because you're not afraid of being alone temporarily.

Here I'm talking about professional and private environments that are bad for you.

Very often people stay in bad work situations or toxic private relationships because of the fear of the alternative,

Which is being on your own.

And being able to be on your own means you need to have a good level of independence.

So being independent actually enables you to leave situations that do not serve you.

This brings me to my next point,

Which is to invest in quality relationships.

You might find it hard to believe,

But making quality connections is a whole lot easier when you're an independent person.

Biggest reason for that is that people are not scared to connect with you.

They're not afraid that one day you will be a burden.

The more independent you are,

The deeper people want to be connected with you.

Even when it comes to starting a family,

It is great to be independent.

You and your partner should always be there for each other,

But never rely on each other,

At least not permanently.

Ideally,

You can easily survive without each other,

But you consciously choose to form a team.

This is a mature and healthy way of forming a relationship with a life partner.

The last two points I want to make around independence are that being independent makes you confident and allows you to express yourself.

Confidence comes from the ability to know who you are and not be shy about portraying the person you are.

You're independent from other people's judgments and thus you're confident.

You do not ask anyone if you are allowed to do a certain thing or dress a certain way.

You choose your actions and your style when being an independent and confident person.

Now I would like to talk about why it is sometimes worth giving up independence for your personal benefit.

When doing so,

I would like you to become very conscious of who you follow because your leaders might not always consider your interests.

So this is the first question you should ask yourself when giving up independence.

Does the personal group you follow also have your best interest in mind?

If not,

I would be very hesitant to give up my independence.

The next question I would like you to ask yourself is whether the personal group is fair and honest.

Do they always keep their word?

I would estimate around 10% of politicians fall into that category.

The next question I would invite you to ask yourself is if your potential leaders are openly communicative.

When leaders are as transparent as possible,

Then usually also means they have your wellbeing in mind.

If it is hard to get answers,

I would be very hesitant to keep following them.

Next,

I would recommend asking yourself whether your potential leaders would also follow someone else.

Do they only want to lead or are they also happy to follow?

Being able to do both,

Follow and lead,

Is a good sign that people are not leading to increase their personal power.

Lastly,

Ask yourself how independent the person or the group you are following is themselves and furthermore,

How much courage they have.

Any personal group will be faced with tough decisions one day.

And if they're independent themselves,

They will most likely make courageous decisions.

But if the group or the individual is actually dependent themselves or even worse,

Controlled by someone unknown,

Then you will not be led in a way that serves you.

Before we get to the practical exercises,

I want to mention that you are born alone and you will die alone.

You have a subjective experience in this world.

You're an independent,

Single,

Unique living being.

Yes,

You're spiritually and emotionally connected to other people,

But your experience in life is singular.

It is independent.

It is yours alone.

So make sure you make the most of it.

Reviews

Very insightful. And great questions to reflect upon. Thank you!