Set Boundaries

-Set boundaries according to your needs and wants.
-Set boundaries for how you are allowing yourself to be treated.
-Understand what kind of walls serve you.
-Learn to understand that boundaries can make your playing fields bigger.

Transcript

In order to be a functioning human being you need to understand your unique limitations and your need for boundaries.

Boundaries allow you to navigate your specific playing field.

They show you your place on this planet and they also partially define you as a person.

External boundaries are given by your outside world.

Internal boundaries are defined by yourself.

In order to maximize the experience on your playing field you need to constantly accept,

Create and re-evaluate your boundaries and limitations.

So today we're looking at limitations and boundaries.

We will look at the boundaries you set for yourself which make sure you're neither limiting yourself nor driving yourself towards a burnout.

You will learn to differentiate between boundaries that are defined by the external and boundaries that you are defining and in control of.

Our overall goal today is to raise awareness of your needs and also to accept the world for what it is.

Any Lammoth said no is a complete sentence.

Let's make sure that you are able to say no when it serves you.

First of all I want to underline why internal boundaries,

The boundaries you're in control of,

Are so important to define.

They're important because they protect you from being taken advantage of and also from being mistreated by others.

You,

Like everyone else,

Have limitations in a lot of different areas and the more conscious you are of these limitations the more easily you can define your boundaries.

For example,

You're not working 20 hours a day.

You know that is beyond your limit and you're creating boundaries to make sure you don't work more than you can handle.

The more you can set boundaries the more you can make sure that you're not entering situations that do not serve you.

Let me give you some more examples of where setting boundaries is very useful.

Relationship boundaries can help you define what kind of friendship or partnership you want.

Every relationship is different and understanding your specific wants and needs with every individual makes you set the right boundaries with each one.

This will help you increase the quality of all your relationships.

Time boundaries will help you define how much time you actually want to spend where and with whom.

Does the amount of time you can spend with work,

Partner,

Family,

Friends,

Social media,

TV and so on serve you?

Or do you need to redefine some time boundaries?

Physical and sexual boundaries are extremely important because we're often very unconscious of them.

Remind yourself,

You get to choose who is allowed to shake your hand,

Who can hug you and who can have intimate relations with you.

You're the only person who gets to set your physical boundaries and the only person who dictates how anyone else touches you.

Next,

Intellectual and emotional boundaries are set around the thoughts and feelings you feel comfortable to share.

You and only you decide what you want to share with whom and you never have to justify yourself for these boundaries.

Next,

Material boundaries revolve around how other people can interact with your material possessions.

Does it serve you when anyone can come over and crash at your house or borrow your car?

Or do you need to be asked in detail and in advance?

Whatever it may be,

Make sure your unique boundaries serve you.

Now,

When you're analyzing all your boundaries,

It might be helpful for you to put them into three categories.

Healthy,

Rigid and weak.

When boundaries are healthy,

You will value your own opinion.

You will be empathetic to other people's needs,

But you will not get pushed into anything that does not serve you.

You will find it easy to say no and you will also find it easy to accept other people's no.

Signs of rigid boundaries are when you're distant and avoid people and intimate relations.

Rigid boundaries also make it very hard for you to collaborate and to accept help.

Lastly,

Your boundaries are weak when you share more than you should.

When you find it very hard to say no and when you tolerate things happening to you that do not serve you.

Now,

I'm sure that by now you're already thinking about your own boundaries.

And I would like to invite you to also immediately start the process of accepting them.

Only when you truly embrace and accept your internal boundaries can you communicate them to the world at ease.

You're unique and just because something is within most people's boundaries does not mean it has to be within yours.

You're in control of your own boundaries and you shouldn't allow society's expectations to make you feel weird about them.

Maybe in your surroundings it is the norm to drink a lot of alcohol on weekends,

Or to gossip or work an insane amount of hours,

Or give sexual favors in a certain way.

You need to understand that your boundaries are unique and you do not have to meet social norms or other people's expectations.

Now,

The more awareness you have around your boundaries,

The easier it will be for you to tell others what they are.

Communication is mostly done either with body language or verbally.

This is important because other people cannot read your mind.

But once other people understand your boundaries,

The quality of your relationships will improve immensely because others are clearer on your needs and feel comfortable and at ease around you.

Next,

Of course,

Establishing boundaries takes time.

When you get to know someone,

You will not unload all your boundaries immediately.

It takes time to understand each other and to identify unique limitations and boundaries that are needed in each relationship.

Don't get mad when people cross your boundaries unknowingly.

There is a clear difference between people crossing your boundaries unconsciously and consciously.

If someone crosses your boundaries unconsciously,

Then you can calmly tell them to the other person.

If the same person crosses the same boundary again,

Then you know you are dealing with someone who does not respect your boundaries.

Make people aware of your boundaries,

Observe their behavior and make choices accordingly.

Now I would like to take a moment to talk about external boundaries and limitations.

We are all limited in the way we can move and act on this planet.

Depending on your unique situation,

You might have a lot of external boundaries or only a few.

It is important though to be conscious of them.

The most obvious limitations are created by laws,

Religion,

Money,

Your age and so on.

But not all boundaries are that obvious.

When boundaries are rather unclear,

Then you need to investigate.

You need to find out the specifications of your external boundaries.

Often we create false ideas around external boundaries that are actually not true and that unnecessarily limit the way you can live your life.

Challenge yourself,

Investigate and become aware of the real external boundaries.

Also,

Once you gain clarity around an external boundary,

You understand its specific details and where and how you can move and act inside these limitations.

This will allow for more freedom,

Not less.

Being unclear and uncertain is what gives you a feeling of fear and restriction,

Because you are never sure if you are moving within boundaries.

Gaining consciousness of external and internal boundaries and limitations makes you feel free and confident.

Now we have arrived at the practical part of today.

The very first thing I would like to invite you to do is to write down 5 specific limitations and 5 specific internal boundaries you have.

What limitations exist in your life and how do you want to be treated by whom?

Some will be very obvious and some might take a bit of investigating.

Pause the course now and write down 5 limitations and 5 internal boundaries.

Now I would like you to investigate a bit further around your 10 points.

Are your limitations and boundaries real?

Why are they real?

Do they serve you?

How do they make you feel?

Can you easily accept them?

Do they make your world smaller or bigger?

Again,

Pause the course now and write down your observations and feelings around your list.

During the next few days or during this week I would like to invite you every day to every day communicate at least one boundary to a person or consciously say a clear NO to a person.

This can be a very small boundary or a big boundary and this can be a long-lasting NO or a small temporary NO.

Anything is fine,

But make sure you are consciously communicating a boundary once per day.

And please make a calendar entry now for when you will continue this course.

It can be in a couple of days or a week,

But please set a reminder now so that you can stay on your path.

Reviews

Helpfull to become more aware of my internal boundaries after living largely to the external boundaries. I feel more safe to be with other people.

This 🙏
A refreshing perspective and tools to cement the valuable learning. Thank you 💜🙏💜

I’m a greatful humble Christian actor singer with courage kindness and a purpose to inspire people around the world with my courage bravery and kindess and good deeds amen 🙏 and so it is