Falling In Love With Yourself (Live Class 1-22)

What is hidden in your shadow that you have yet to face. Allowing, experiencing and accepting it is your path to whatever is hiding from you in life. In this class we delve in (with grounding, talk, and meditation) into how to make friends with those pieces of ourselves that we'd rather forget.

Transcript

All right, So with that, Let's go ahead and get started. So today we're talking about falling in love with yourself and an exploration of the parts of yourself hidden in shadow. And I wanted to explain briefly what I meant by that. Because when you fall in love with yourself, There's a couple different ways to do it. There's looking at the parts of yourself you already love or take for granted or think are the strong thing and work on that, Which is really important. For instance, I had a coaching client just yesterday who tried to tell me that when he isn't doing all of these things, That he feels like he's failing. And I was like, Failing who? He's like, Failing other people. And I was like, Has anybody ever told you that you're failing? This is somebody running, Well, One of the co-founders of a $50 million business who's working out in shape, Traveling, Doing all the things. And I was like, Who is saying that you're failing them? And when it got down to it, It's him. It's him who says that he's failing. So falling in love with his ability to say, I'm getting things done. I'm working on all of these things. I'm capable. I'm able to pull this off. I'm intelligent. I'm able to work hard. I'm able to persist. Allowing him to see the good side is one side of falling in love with yourself. But the other side of falling in love with yourself, Your constructed identity, Is what we're going to do today, Which is any identity that you craft for yourself leaves the shadow. And I'll explain that in a second, But I want to really get the metaphor in for you. The shadow is the thing cast by whatever you chose to prioritize, Whatever you chose to focus on. So if you chose to be incredibly hardworking, To be chasing, To get your goals done, To get this, The shadow is you're not able to relax. You're not able to sit with yourself. You're probably not able to be content. You're not able to slow down. You're not able to simply sit with others. You're probably the kind of person who isn't able to empathize without trying to solve problems, Speaking directly for my client. So there is a shadow of something that has been left unnurtured, Unappreciated, Incapable, Based on the things that you chose to prioritize in life. So I'm going to use counter examples that we want to look at. So in the case of that client, There is all of those things. In the case of myself, Really wanting to help people, Really wanting to chase out the rescuer for most of my life, The fixer, The part of myself that feels helpless, Not loved, The part of myself that feels overwhelmed if I can't solve a problem, Unacceptable, The part of myself that is simply sitting in contentness without needing to react to the world, Underdeveloped. And in contrast, You might have someone on this call who feels really, Really capable of empathizing with people, Of sitting with people, Of able to be present in their helplessness and overwhelm and find kindness in that, But they don't love the part of themselves and they don't develop the parts of themselves that really want to be driven, Really want to sit down, Really want to go through the difficult aspects of life, That want to feel proud about something, To really have done something that was super difficult and to push through and to have some self-discipline and feel proud. And neither of these things are better than the other. And those are two lenses of a hundred possibilities. But what we want to explore today is somewhere in your life, You have huge things that you are proud of and they've left a shadow. And that shadow is usually something that we fail to bring love to because we didn't want to feel, We didn't want to think about. For instance, I became the fixer-rescuer, Know-it-all, Can-do-it-all because I didn't want to feel the helplessness, Overwhelm, And fear of my childhood. So, I found a way out and it benefited me and it's become a huge part of my identity. But until I love the part of myself that I became this in order to avoid, In order to fight, Then I can never truly be whole and balanced. Does that make sense to everyone? So, All we're really going to do today is say, After the grounding, What is it that I'm really proud of? And you might not even use the word proud. It might be the thing, What is the thing that I identify with, That I've told myself is who I am? And what's the exact flip side of that, That I've underdeveloped, Avoided, Shamed, Or haven't given attention and give some love to that side. So, With that, We're going to go ahead and ground with a practice that we'll use during the meditation and you can use later. But if you have any questions or concerns, Let those bubble up because then we'll talk before the meditation. If everybody can get into a comfortable position, Close your eyes, Take a deep breath, Let it out with a sigh. And take a minute to first just check in with yourself. That's not an activity or a task to accomplish, But an awareness. How's your breath? How's your mind? How's your shoulders? But with your own direction, See if you can step back and say, How am I? That answer could be, I'm a nervous wreck today and everything's tense. Good, Because you can't really sit with that and resolve it until you pay attention. That could be, I'm feeling pretty calm, But there's a tightness and fluttering in my chest. Also good. You want to examine the tightness and fluttering as well. But for now, Just sit and say, How am I? Like you're doing a systems check on the machine that is you. Don't get over-focused or try to resolve any one thing. We're not in fixing mode. We're doing a status check. And then wherever you noticed the most amount of tension or uncertainty or emotion or activity in that status check, I want you to take two hands and place them wherever that was. It doesn't matter how you described what you felt. It could be stuck energy. It could be tension. It could be tightness, But wherever there was a sensation or activity, You could have your hands right on the top of your head. And with your two hands there, This is more metaphor than reality for my metaphorically challenged friends. Breathe into that area. Let it expand and contract. Right in that space where you feel like you're holding the most tension, The most tightness, The most activity. Importantly, You're not coming in with the intention to fix, Resolve, Slow down, Stop. You're simply keeping your awareness there and seeing what happens. In my case, Apparently quite a bit of yawning, Which is the body under that state of awareness calming itself. And if you find yourself fighting or pushing, Just take a step back and focus more fully on breathing into that area. We're not doing anything. We're only keeping our awareness there. And as always, If you were honest with yourself and you're above a 5 or 6 out of 10 right now in terms of anxiety or tension or fear, Tightness or activity, Stay with your eyes closed. Keep your hands there and keep breathing. You can listen to whatever comes next or stay in silence after it ends. But there's no point doing deep or difficult work until you've reached a state where you can handle it. Because the second you touch these wounds, You're going to become activated. And if you're already above a 6, You're going to reach an activation level called flooding, Where nothing can be done. So you have to start from a lower level and learn to recognize when you're too high up or too flooded and come back down. So if you're already flooded or activated, Stay here. But if you're ready to do the work you came for today, Start wiggling your fingers and toes. Give yourself a yawn, A sigh, Or a stretch. And when you feel ready, Go ahead and open your eyes. So if people have questions, You'll have about three minutes. The next 15 minutes to put them in. But I want to give ourselves a framework to be thinking about. Hello, Switzer. My shadow and your shadow is the place I don't want to look. And it's the place that I developed my personality to solve, To avoid. To not face, To not think about. So if you don't know where your shadow is, You really want to look at the things that you would defend against anything. If I said, You're X kind of person. And ask, What's the opposite? In the kindest way possible. So if you would defend against anything, That you're a kind person, You would want to say, What's the opposite? And you might say an angry, Pushy person. And another way to say that is a boundaried person who knows what they want. If your thing that you're most proud of is you're a strong person, Person, Then you would say, What's the opposite of that? And at first you're going to say a weak person. And in reality, You can say someone who's comfortable surrendering or being vulnerable or asking for help. And if you say, If I said to you, What are you most proud of? And you said, I'm a problem solver. And what's somebody who isn't a problem solver? You might say a helpless victim. And your shadow might be the person who doesn't know, The person who's vulnerable, The person who's overwhelmed, The person who needs support, The person who needs help. If that makes sense, I'd love for you to start putting in, What is your shadow? Or if you're not understanding or not sure what it would be to put in the thing that you're most proud of. And I have to keep reminding myself, Some identities, I'm going to use my Liechtenstein girlfriends, The Swiss person might understand, Are going to really object to the word proud. So maybe we can use the words, Things I like about myself, Things I'm comfortable, Things I'm this, Because the very act of being proud to some identities means arrogant. And I am not arrogant, I am humble. So what's the opposite? Someone who appreciates their gifts, Someone who knows their worth, Someone who takes action, Gets it done and knows how to celebrate it. So each time we're looking at the opposite of the thing that we have taken as our identity. So is anyone willing to put in what those are for you? Yeah, I love these two, Emerald. So the shadow is the person who needs support, Is overwhelmed, Taught it's unsafe to be vulnerable. My feelings aren't important. That's a really, Really good, Good, Interesting word. But thank you, Emerald. That's brave to be able to say that of the shadow. Because often we turn it into something else. But it's, I'm ashamed of the part of myself who needed support. So I became strong. I'm ashamed of the part of myself that was overwhelmed in situations. So I became the capable one. I'm ashamed of the part of myself who feels vulnerable. So I kept it from being possible. My feelings aren't important. So I became the person who handled their own feelings and didn't put it on others. Really good. And Bev, I celebrate my resilience. Yep. So the part of myself that isn't, The one that's freaking hurting, That's scared, That feels like it's too much, That feels overwhelmed. Those are all valid human emotions. That when you feel, You say, Hey, I really need some support. Hey, I don't know what I'm doing here. Hey, I really need you to stop. Hey, I can't handle this alone. But when we don't feel it because we celebrate our own resilience, You don't get anything. Violet, That's another really, Really good one. Peacekeeper, Good at seeing all sides and speak tactfully. My mother was a social worker who is incapable of setting boundaries. And I learned growing up that everything would be all right when you suddenly found the magic words and the right way to say it. And I still remember to this day, The moment in which I was on a call with a therapist four and a half years into a relationship that was getting worse and worse and worse, Where she said, Have you ever considered the idea that there isn't a magic pill? Because this person has already shown you who they are, And you've already decided you don't want it. But you keep thinking that maybe magically, You're going to find the right way to be so that they're going to be someone else so that you don't have to leave. And I was like, Yeah, Because when you're the peacekeeper, That did hit very hard. Yeah, It did. When you're the peacekeeper, Your shadow is the part of you that says, This isn't my responsibility. It's not my job to keep the peace. I am not your peacekeeper. You can handle your own emotions. This isn't something that is my responsibility. And if you want to fight, You can fight. And I don't have to speak tactfully while you're over there yelling. This isn't my responsibility. And I don't have to put up with this because you did as a child. You did as a child have to peacekeep and speak tactfully if you wanted a response. But the one thing that I keep telling people in the last couple of classes, And I'll keep it, Is as a child, You didn't get to go to the store and pick a new family. But as an adult, The world is really big. You get to pick new chosen family. You get to pick new friends. You get to pick new lovers, New relationships, New co-workers. You are always able to go to the store. But if you have forgotten that you can go to the store because you're not used to that new ability, Then you're going to convince yourself that you have to use the same tactics and put up with the same behavior of the ones that were given to you. Yeah, Well done Emerald, Yeah. So Lori, Know-it-all strong, The one everyone comes to for answers and to lead. Yeah, That was usually we're looking at what's the wound, What's the shadow? Because for instance, If I'm the know-it-all and the strong one, And the one who comes to answers and to lead, No one else was the leader. I couldn't expect leadership. I couldn't expect support. I couldn't expect to be able to trust my environment. I needed to be able to figure it out. So I don't trust the person. I don't trust anybody else to lead. I'm not able to look at this if that is my default patterning. Little shadow is someone who is comfortable with failing. Yep, That's a really good one. Yeah, Stark, The one that hides and gets small is my shadow, I think. Yeah, That could be. You're saying you think, So I want you to know I'm only challenging because you said you think. Does it hurt? Does it feel scary? The shadow is the thing I don't want to look at left for my strength, The thing I'm not allowed to be. So I overdeveloped something else. So if you never allow yourself to hide and get small and the very idea of it gives you chills, The same way that if Lori's up there saying I need to be know-it-all, Strong, The one everyone comes for answers and to lead. If I tell her, You're going to walk into a new environment. They're going to surrender to the leader. You're going to trust them. You're not going to need to know. And you're going to follow through. And even if you don't like the decision for a while, If it's not a bad decision, You're going to give it a shot. If that makes her feel like her body's on fire and saying I could never do that, That's the shadow. Kelly saying, I also felt like I was the peacekeeper. My struggle is keeping boundaries, Especially with myself and saying no. Yep, Because boundaries don't bring peace. They bring reaction to the boundaries. And they bring people saying you're changing the dance. And I am uncomfortable with that because if you change the dance, I have to change my steps and I don't want to do it. So I'm going to try to get you to stop, Which isn't being the peacekeeper. So yeah, Being the boundaried one, Being the one who knows what they want and isn't willing to put up with anything else and isn't willing to accommodate others when it impacts them, That would be the shadow, The strong positioning of the shadow. Little I have not seen that movie, But good sell. And Violet. Yes, Unfortunately, I also learned avoidance and keeping people at a distance because I grew up with my boundaries trampled and always told I'm wrong. Also raised by a mom in mental health field as a therapist, Interestingly. Yeah. So when we look at this, There's a trick to this. A lot of what people are saying is the thing that they actually want to be comfortable with. And that's good. But the shadow is the part that I'm scared of. So often people at this point are saying things like, I'm struggling with boundaries. Because boundaries still makes us feel strong. I'm going to repeat that. People frame it as I'm struggling with boundaries. Because boundaries still makes us feel strong. But boundaries are not what we are struggling with. Boundary, What we are struggling with is the reason why we need boundaries and why we can't have boundaries. And I say this not because these people are wrong, But because I want to prime you for the meditation. What you may be struggling with, If you say I struggle with boundaries, Is I struggle with the feeling of abandonment. Or I struggle with the feeling of loss of control. Because when I'm the peacekeeper, I can pretend that I'm in control. And that or that I will be in control when I get it right. But if I set a boundary, I actively am giving up on the illusion of control of someone else. What I am doing is saying I am only in control of my own behavior. And when I'm uncomfortable, I'm going to say I'm uncomfortable and to say what I'm going to do. And I'm going to give up the illusion that I am in control of how someone else responds. And that helplessness and lack of control terrifies me. Using that as an example, I'm going to go through some of what people said because it does not help if you go into your shadow, Framing it as the positive thing you want to learn, Not the thing that you're avoiding at all costs. So if we look at the one that hides and gets small from Stark, You might be saying with judgment, Hiding and getting small, But it might be the feeling of helplessness. It might be the feeling of there's nothing I can do and I'm in a dangerous situation. It might be the feeling of fear. It might be the feeling of hopelessness. Because for instance, Someone like Stark might say, All I wanted to do was curl up and be small. But that terrified me because it would mean reconciling this environment that I'm in, That's scary, That's uncomfortable, That's helpless. So I developed a strategy to not feel the helplessness of my environment. And the last thing that I want to do is to recognize that I am not in control and I'm helpless. So, And Stark says, Bingo, Know it all, Strong, The one everyone comes to for answers and to lead. That could be a couple of things, But it might be the feeling that no one's there, That you're not supported, That you're alone, That you're abandoned. If I know it at all and strong, Then I don't need anyone else. I'm good. I don't need this. But if I'm not know it all and strong, I might need to reach out for help. And someone might say no or be incapable or I might end up recognizing the failures and incapabilities of the people that I've surrounded myself with. So if these examples make sense, You want to look at what is the thing that you will avoid at all costs. For instance, We spent an absurd amount of a credit from work to go to an event with a famous motivational speaker last month. And this person tells themselves that they have faith. He's actually, I think, A billionaire and his whole thing says that he has faith, But the entire event is around certainty. This person does not want to feel fear or does not want to feel the feeling of doubt. Literally, The entire event is centered around avoiding doubt and committing to taking action. This person's shadow is an inability to doubt, Which I'm going to use as one example, As when you are in able to doubt, You're unable to question the path. It's like that old phrase in Eastern medicine if you can't pour water into a full cup, You must have an empty cup. And if you're unable to doubt, You're unable to question and you're unable to question, You're unable to change deep longstanding patterns. So I want us to ask the question here before we start the meditation, Because I want to give you a reason. If you've identified your shadow, What would you be missing in life if you can't feel this shadow? Because I'm sure some of you right now are going, I have constructed my life pretty well to avoid rejection and that seems pretty good because rejection sucks. But what do you not get in life if you can't experience rejection? Or you're avoiding fear. Yeah, Yeah, Parveen, That's perfect. If you're avoiding rejection, You will never have community because people will reject you in and out and you will never find your people if you don't risk rejection because in order to show who you really are, You have to risk rejection. So if you are afraid of being embarrassed, That she put in there, Parveen put in there as well. If you are avoiding embarrassment at all costs, Which I wonder if we still have a Swiss R on here and if she would reconcile with my Liechtenstein girlfriend that the one thing that you avoid in Switzerland is breaking the rules and being embarrassed. What do you not get if you're afraid of embarrassment? You don't get the ability to be yourself. Yes, Vishanti. If you have found your shadow, Which we've been working on, Which is the thing that you're avoiding at all costs, Which is usually the exact opposite of the thing that you've made yourself strong to think about, What do you not get based on this? So when we talked about stark and feeling small, If you're not allowed to feel small and helpless, What do you not get? If you're not allowed to feel like you don't have control, What do you not get? Each of these has a problem that we will end up avoiding and you're welcome to put it in if you can see it. Yeah. So Laurie, Rest. Yeah, If you have to be in control, You can't rest. But you know what else you can't do if you have to be in control? You can't try something uncertain. You can't expand your life. You will build a box that feels like you have the illusion of control in it and you can't surrender to something that is bigger than you or beyond you. Yeah. So in each of these things, You're looking and saying, What is it that I am losing by not integrating and feeling this part of myself? And Stark. Stark said, I seem to have fallen into my shadow self and now moving my way out. In the past two years, I've hidden and gone so small I barely felt here. That is one of the reasons why I said I'm going to challenge you when you said you think your shadow self is the thing that you will avoid at all costs, But end up feeling all the time. So what I hear, And I could be wrong, When I see something like that is my body and mind want so desperately to actually feel this helplessness or lack of control, But I'm trying to avoid it. So I'm just feeling hidden and gone and small, But I'm not actually allowing myself to feel the helplessness. So when we find our way out, When we find our way out, We're often desperately trying to avoid that feeling of helplessness, That feeling of rejection, That feeling of embarrassment, Rather than welcoming the feeling. And surprise, That's what we're going to do today, Which we got to start soon because we've got limited time. But last question in here is Little saying, Is this the shadow self I've heard people talk about, Like as in shadow work? Yes and no. Because true shadow work is the one thing that most people will try to avoid at all costs. So a lot of people will say they're doing shadow work, But very few people are actually doing it because shadow work rarely looks like I'm working on my shadow, I'm doing it. It looks like I really don't want to go here, I don't want to face it, But the universe is pushing me in a really, Really scary direction and I do not like it. But oh, I'm finally going to surrender to feeling this feeling that I've been avoiding for my whole life and I'm going to let it wash over me and it's going to wash through my walls and my identity and all of these things that I've constructed to try to protect myself from this feeling. But in the meantime, I'm going to go get a chocolate cake instead because I really didn't want to do that. So I only managed to do it for two minutes and now I'm going to say that I was doing shadow work, But instead I'm circling around the shadow work. Which none of that is meant to shame anybody. What it is meant to do is to say, You know you're doing shadow work when you would rather be anywhere else, Anywhere else doing anything else and your mind is giving you a hundred things that you should be doing, You're supposed to be doing and yeah, You should be doing them right now and you don't know what this exercise is and screw this David person, What does he know? If your mind is telling you that, You're in the right place. So I will admit, If we go into this meditation and all of those thoughts are coming up, Good, And if you can't go further, Good, Just stay there. But that is the trick. It is like in a movie when you have the scariest person and they're like rushing through in a Marvel movie, Trying to get to the center of this big explosion, But they're being pushed back by everything. That's the shadow. That's the thing that you've constructed all of your mental defenses to avoid and it's impacting you because it's not fully integrated and it's been left behind. So let's get to work. If everybody's able to find a comfortable position, Go ahead and close your eyes. Take a deep, Deep breath. Let it out with a sigh. And I want you to do one more check-in with yourself. How are you right now? How are you in this moment? Not the story, The feeling, And not the thoughts racing, Telling you you're not okay and this isn't the work you should be doing right now, But just how active is your mind and how in control of you is it? Because as a reminder, You cannot do this work if you're already flooded. You can only approach it. That doesn't mean you have to be completely calm, But if you know already that even discussing this, You're flooded, I'm going to ask you to truly love yourself and just listen without trying to do the activity and to put your hands wherever you feel the most activated and breathe while listening. And if you're already finding yourself fairly activated but not flooded and your mind is trying to convince you to go somewhere else, Do the same thing until you can calm yourself to a state where you say, I'm ready. There isn't a state where you are ready. You decide you're ready and your nervous system is in a state where it can do the work and you'll know that and there's no point in pushing yourself when you're not there because that'll just be used to convince yourself that you can't do it and lower your self-esteem rather than recognizing that you weren't in a place to go any further. Another way of saying that is if you're flooded right now, You're already facing your shadow to your limits and if you can stay with it, Then you've done the job. But if you're not flooded and you're not overly activated right now, Then you want to start seeking out the shadow. So what I mean by that is if in one or two words, Ideally a feeling or an experience that you'd rather avoid and deep down you know you've been avoiding for a really long time. And notice, Even as I said that, My chest tightened up and my breathing got shallower. Good. That means that you're choosing to go into that spot. If it feels comfortable, It's not your shadow or it's no longer your shadow. But if your body starts to tighten up or your mind starts to race, You're getting closer and it's not meant to be comfortable. But the message I want to share is that's not because this place is wrong or bad, It's because it has been your own personal boogie man. For a long time. So all of this fear, This doubt, This tension is yours that you put on top of this experience and this feeling. Because you felt like you couldn't handle it then. So if this is as far as you can go and you were shot up into flooding or over activation, First, Find the place that is the most activated and put your hands there. Put your hands in the place that feels the most overwhelming. And keep breathing, Joining the ones who did it at the start. And just listen. Don't try to go any deeper. Because another way of saying it is you're already there. There is no shame. You just got there faster. But if you're not there yet and you're not feeling a sense of flooding or overwhelmed, Start bringing in the feeling. Think of a situation where this feeling comes up. And I want you to start mapping out this feeling in your body. So when the feeling arises, Where is it? Is it in your throat? Is it in your chest? Is it in your stomach, Your temple, Your roots, Your sacral? Where literally is this feeling showing up in your body? And again, If you've reached the point of flooding, Simply put your hands there and focus on your breath while listening. But if you're there with this sensation and you know where it is, Try to find its boundaries. Meaning, Where do you feel it? To what edge? Is it all around your throat? Is it your entire stomach? Or is it in the center? How far does it extend? What does it feel like if you had to describe it? Does it feel sharp? Or does it feel numb? Does it feel hot? Or cold? If it feels like it's in motion, Is it pulsing? Is it pushing? Is it aching? Simply examine this feeling and this sensation. And if you're listening to your mind right now and you're still flooded, Try to direct your awareness to the sensation. Because your mind will continue to flood you to try to avoid this space, This place. But your body only has the sensations. See if you can sit with those sensations. Because that's all they are. In the end, The thing you've been avoiding, The thing hidden in your shadow, Is a bundle of sensations that felt impossible to feel, That you created layers upon layers of stories to villainize and avoid. But it's a sensation. And if we feel it, It loses its charge. And it may not be a comfortable sensation. It might be a backlog or a wall or a waterfall of it that we've been suppressing. And it might overwhelm us. And that's okay. Because I'm here to tell you today that you're meant to be overwhelmed. Because when you are overwhelmed, All that means is you are overwhelming the defenses in your ego and your identity that you have constructed to hold back this piece of yourself. So let yourself be overwhelmed. Let your literal self, Your identity, Be overwhelmed so that you can integrate this part of yourself. And if it helps, Remind yourself what you can now see as an adult that you've lost by locking this piece of you away. And if it's hard to remember right now, Just ask to say, What would I have done differently if I had access to this part of myself? Would I have had greater community? Would I have given something a shot? Would I have risked love? Would I have asked for help? Would I have taken rest? What have you missed by not having access to this part of you? This part of you? Because it was gifted to you, It was given to you. This emotion is here for a reason. So your job here, Without pushing yourself when flooded, Is to remake it your friend. Because it may be really uncomfortable right now, Because you haven't had a lot of practice and it's tied in with a lot of difficult things you haven't wanted to face. But when you left this behind, You left a part of yourself and the human experience behind. And it's impacted you greatly. And if you want to live a full life, You must be full you. So take one last minute to do whatever you need to do. To admit whatever you need to admit. To feel whatever it is you need to feel. And if you need to keep going with this, You know this is exactly what you need right now. And you have time. Pause or mute. And keep going as long as you want. But if you're ready today, Begin to wiggle your fingers, Your toes. Give yourself permission to yawn and stretch. And then when you feel ready, Go ahead and open your eyes. Because one thing I want to share, But I'm going to put up the donation button first in case anyone feels called, Is there's a phrase by Carl Jung. It's really science-y in its own way, But fits here. Until you make the unconscious conscious, It will direct your life and you will call it fate. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. And that's exactly what we mean right here today. Because if you have been unconsciously avoiding something for decades, It's directing your life. It's limiting your life. It's holding you back from living a full life because you can't have a full life without the full breadth of emotions. But this is the work. We don't want to sit in that emotion or else we wouldn't have constructed those defenses. So we have to be willing to be a little bit uncomfortable, A little bit unsure in order to do this work, In order to feel these things. But when we walk into these spaces, I want you to stop for one minute here and think, No matter how hard that was, What's possible for you? If you have whatever it is you were just really scared of and you had befriended just like, I am not a great singer and this is not my vocal range, But like I'm friends with the monsters that are under my bed. If you were truly friends with these things, I think so, Violet, What do you get? If you were friends with your helplessness, What would happen on the other side? If you were friends with being not in control, Would you maybe be able to say some points in your life, Not my circus, Not my monkeys and set some boundaries. If you were friends with the part of you that felt weak, By weak, You might mean not in control, Helpless. And if you finally recognize that it's not your control and not your responsibility, What might happen? So in all of these things, In all of these things, What would you have in your life if you allowed yourself to feel it? Because a lot of times we've constructed our life to believe that that thing would make us weak. But what's truly making us weak is that we're so afraid of these sensations that we are constructing our entire life to avoiding it and missing out on a full life. So with that said, As always, I do always appreciate more followers as well because I love this and I love you and I love the opportunity to be here. And it isn't about the count, It's about the people who show up and it's about the ability to do this work with you. And that's why I want to remind you, I want feedback. I want to hear what helps, What doesn't help. I want to hear all of these things so that I can better support you because in the end, That's why I'm here. And Violet, If I befriend these parts, How would my life expand? How would my life get better? What would I have access to if I did this? And if there was a specific emotion that you were struggling with, You have the course. I'm working on another course that's going to go a bit deeper with some things I learned from a coach. But this course is a good almost like podcast level, Not daily level to get ideas of how to better feel these emotions.