The Benefits Of Softening

Most of us are not aware of the tension we carry. We think that the way we feel right now is our 'normal'. Consciously softening, teaches us so much about how we feel about our life and our responses to it, and in turn, we can more readily see the life we are co-creating.

Transcript

Hello everyone and welcome back.

My name is Virginia Warren,

Lawyer and conflict alchemist.

Today I want to talk about something interesting called softening.

Now softening sounds to many people to be soft and too hard to be soft and it is.

It actually is one of those most difficult things to achieve is to be soft and I don't mean from an emotional point of view because when we talk about softening from an emotional point of view people think that you're going to get walked over.

That's not what I'm talking about at all.

I'm talking about softening from a physical perspective.

Now why would I do that?

What is important about softening from a physical perspective?

Well most of us don't know that we carry all this tension.

In fact you're sitting there right now thinking you're feeling pretty relaxed but let me tell you because this is what happened to me and I discovered this in the last couple of years when the tension wasn't there anymore that I was always this underlying rumbling of tension this like grr sort of feeling which is quite odd.

So if you just want to sit there for a moment and just just sort of feel your edges just feel them.

Just sort of feel the back of your neck and your jaw soften your eyes soften them.

It's a bit random in your chest feel that.

Just feel it soften.

It's pretty interesting isn't it?

Wow yeah there is some tension there.

Now I'm all about energy.

Many of us don't have enough energy we think but I'm thinking that I'm saying that from a different point of view.

My work is reminding people that you are energetic beings.

This is step one.

Just remember that you are all energy.

It's science,

It's not a joke,

It's not woo woo.

It is the fact of the matter.

You are an energetic being having this physical experience and not the other way around.

Often yeah because we can see something we think that's real but energy is real too.

Just ask your electricity when you put your finger in the socket whether it's real or not.

It will soon tell you you can't see it but it'll let you know it's there.

So softening from a physical perspective means that we actually need to feel something about ourselves first.

We need to start feeling our body.

It is a part of you.

We are a mind body spirit complex.

All these things are rather difficult to define.

We've decided,

Psychologists have decided that's tricky to determine.

Let me speak the words because yes they're not clear.

That's just energy having a little a little say so through me.

So the physical body is what you're here to use.

You are an experiencing machine and this is the way I see life and this is the way it's worked for me and this is today why I'm going to talk about softening because softening is it gives two things for you.

It shows you number one where you're at how you're feeling and number two when you can soften back in your flow.

But of course number one step is you actually have to start feeling and many of us don't feel.

And I think this is being it's evident to us now we have spent the last probably not the last cup two years that we all know what's going on but before then we were running around achieving achieving achieving thinking our way through lives and shopping trying to get more stuff consuming and putting our identities out there thinking thinking thinking about how we're going to get to the next level you know to be more successful.

We weren't stopping and slowing down which this is all happening for us now it's happening for us we're slowing down and we are experiencing and feeling whether we like it or not.

My view is this we are here to have an experience.

I think that's the whole purpose of this reality is to have an experience be the energetic beings we are in physical form to have a physical experience and by pushing that away pushing away the experiences by distracting ourselves on shopping chocolate alcohol those other wonderful treats and there's nothing wrong with any of that.

There's nothing wrong at all it is just that we are not having our experiences and I'll explain why that might why that is and why I think that's important.

If you take the Tesla motor vehicle for example when it's driverless mode or I think even when you're driving it it collects data from every road that it's ever traveled on every car does this and it feeds all the data back to the the mainframe so all the other cars know about the road the bumps the turns the twists how to drive it how it feels now I think that is a bit like humans I think that we have been given that that skill as well we are the we have these five senses taste touch sight smell and to have the experience we also have a sixth sense which we'll get onto in a moment which we'll get through when we soften so these this experiencing machine effectively gets to feed what we experience back to the mainframe back to the back to the main source of energy because we are all one so if you have an experience I will actually experience it but this is why we've had this collective experience at the moment also because we've been pushing away the idea of having any experience until this resistance has built up so highly that it's popped to be energy means that you flow energy naturally wants to flow the other thing about energy and this is all physics is is you can't destroy it the first law of thermodynamics says that energy cannot be created or destroyed so that's a good that's a good bit of news because this energy that you are can't be created or destroyed you just transition like an ice block for example you are this solid being at a lower frequency a lower temperature and as soon as you add some heat to that it just all all evaporates and looks like there's nothing there but it's all still there it's just in a different form I like that analogy anyway so back to this experience this softening why we why do we have all this tension it's because we're resisting we're pushing everything away we're pushing away the experience rather than sitting in it as as an acceptance as wow look at this experience for example you don't go to a buffet at a restaurant and say look at that tomato I'm going to push it away I'll chop it up I'll stab it I'll throw it on the floor and stamp on it you just say oh that's a tomato I tasted it once didn't really like it I'll go over there I tried it I had the experience I didn't resist it and push it away this is what we're doing with life we're saying wow that's too hard that's too painful I want to push it all away I don't want to have the experience but you're here for the experience now I learned this in a couple of ways and I'll give you my experiences of of of this and I think I was given these experiences so I could tell you about them I recently went through a marriage separation a breakdown of marriage 30 years and I learned a lot through that so I'm eternally eternally grateful for my experience but I will say that as a I'm a lawyer and sitting on the other side of the lawyer desk as the client you certainly have another experience and I was wondering why on earth the the lawyers on the other side were being bullies and I thought that's not the way it is that's not professional I have this expectation but they'll treat me nicely and they'll be courteous and respectful well they won't and so I just thought oh that's that's awful that makes me feel bad I don't want to I don't want to be in this I don't want this I want it to I want to get rid of it as soon as possible but of course the funny thing about the legal system is you can't just get rid of things you have to go through the process physically you can resist the process energetically though and then you create the fight the fight keeps creating and then you feel miserable in it what I learned from that was when I could sit in acceptance of oh here comes another letter from a person that's going to invoke some energy of negative of a negative type in me when I saw that and I thought oh it's about my response how do I respond to this how do I feel wow this is interesting I have this expectation that the other people will be professional but that's just a rule I'm carrying oh everyone every lawyer should be professional is the rule in fact they've actually got rules about it but it doesn't matter people break rules rule breakers break rules and that's just the way it is so I soon learned that when I didn't have any expectation of what was coming at me just say oh that's them playing their game it has nothing to do with me only the way I feel about it it has anything to do with me then I sat in accept I softened my edges softened I wasn't so upset when these letters would come in asking me to do unreasonable things oh well that's what they're that's what they're doing how do I feel about that I could feel angry I could feel hurt I could feel um unjustly done by or I could just accept okay this is an experience I'm here to experience what does that feel like what does it feel like to be the client in this situation wow amazing and of course when I did that the resistance dropped in the flow and I was back in my flow again and in some ways I was a little bit excited to see the next letter so I'd be how do I feel when it comes in because these energies that you're carrying you're resonating with little rules that you created in childhood and I have other videos about that how those rules were created but they are negative energies and you will resonate with them and then that little build up of rules that you have about how life should be I ought to and this should happen that's what creates a little tension in you it's like the rubber band you you've built up these rules and you're stretching it and stretching and stretching one day then break if you so drop these rules soften into like oh this should happen and that should happen and this should be like this and you let that go you slowly your little rubber band is like softening your softening your edges soften even just by the physical idea of softening when something comes at you that you don't expect and you don't love when it comes at you and you soften you just feel like a lot better and it might be momentarily you it's it's not an easy thing to do softening is hard it's hard to be soft but that's the game we're playing can you experience it are you having your experiences because you're doing it for me and for you which I thank you if you are but even resisting them is still an experience it doesn't matter none of it is good or bad let me tell you that this is where people are trying to put a goal around it I've got to achieve this I've got to I've got to be spiritual I've got to be a better person I've got to know just be just see what's coming your way and sit and accept it and say wow this is the experience I might prefer it but it is my experience right now let me just at least have that experience that softening starts to dissipate the energy build up that the dam in the flow there's a dam that's been created so you imagine you're you're in this mighty river and you're flowing you're floating down you want to grab onto the side and you're holding on that's your tension and then there's all these sticks coming down they're like building up behind you like this big dam and then bam you've got to let go it turns into a bit of a one unholy mess but if you actually let go and you know that idea of let go and flow or whatever they say it's just it's true let go just oh soften just feel the edges start feeling how do I feel right now in every moment how do I feel it's a great indicator because if you if you're saying in that moment I don't feel oh this doesn't feel good good feel it you are meant to feel it it is resonated into your experience for a reason otherwise it just simply would not be there if you push it away you're creating the resistance it's building up and it's going to come back it will come back to you that's what resistance does you are energy you need to flow and the reason you want to flow is you're always looking for love you're in the river of love and you are wanting love all the time so you don't want pain you don't want the bad feeling the interesting thing about that is and I know this sounds trite silly but if you you don't want to you you know imagine you is in perfect lala land of perfection all the time you don't know what anything else feels like it's very important for you to create the contrast so then you can make another choice say oh well I don't like tomato so I'll choose the kidney because yeah I prefer that so then you realize there are choices to be made instead of blocking out choice and saying no this is the only option you open yourself to making more choices by softening the soften oh this is happening not to me it's not happening to you at all it's happening for you if you choose remember there is no good or bad there's no wrong or right it's just an experience you make a choice and you get an outcome I'll also say something too you know I am softening even on an addiction you know I don't want to say say I'm you know don't want to eat any more chocolate I eat too much and it's hard if you're in that position you've got a rule I if I keep eating that then I will be fat or if I keep drinking that wine I will get too drunk and I'm embarrassing or whatever it is it's no good everyone will judge me you've created a resistance I have gotten past um addiction stage of my life and yeah I had a pretty addictive personality I'd like a lot of wine and I'll use wine as my example in this one there's been a few that you know lawyers especially we drink a lot we get home from work and oh just need a drink that's great just settle me down settle my nerves you know it's all justified until one day that became too much drinking and it wasn't pleasant anymore drinking was not fun but instead of pushing it away and saying oh this is no good I better try hard not to do it you I would have created a resistance from that point of view instead I turned around and said this is me I like I like me as I am right now and I'm drinking and I enjoy that then you can apply that to any so-called addiction addiction is just the thing you keep doing over and over but you don't really want to do it it's like a habit you keep going in for to relieve some pain even thought addicted to thought you're just trying to relieve some pain if I think it's true I'll get the answer I'll get the relief no if I drink I'll mask the pain if I eat chocolate I'll mask the pain I go shopping I'll mask the pain but the pain's always there you're just trying to run from it so if you sit in that and say okay here I am I'm this is what I'm doing I see myself in this this is a funny experience let me see what it feels like and feel it really feel it you are here to feel soften into it and just say yeah I'm just doing this for now what happened to me was those addictions fell away just naturally I have no desire for example for alcohol I have no desire to overspend I have no desire to overthink I have no desire to eat too much chocolate or whatever it's just a no desire anymore I don't need to have that experience anymore I've had the experiences they were fun while they lasted but I'm on to new experiences now ones with more choice because of course as soon as you if you get into an addiction you're sort of limiting your choices that's all you're doing for yourself say oh I make a choice and I get an outcome and I keep doing it thinking I'm going to get a different outcome well that doesn't happen either so when you soften into it you're just like oh okay it's an acceptance softening is an acceptance but I like the softening idea because you if you do it in your body you allow your body to soften you're actually having more of the physical experience and it's a lovely thing so softening soften it's the first step in in moving through behavior that you don't prefer the pain soften into it there are other things you can do after that but that's step one soften into it see the difference see how it feels so different thank you again for watching

Reviews

Very insightful. You’ve given me a new perspective . Thank you, Virginia!

Love it! Just what I needed to hear

This resonated so deeply with me

Thank you for this. It was so much needed today as I’m a bundle of resistance to uncomfortable sensations.

💖epiphany💖

Very helpful! Wishing you peace, love and blessings. 🙏🏻💚🙏🏻